| Weight
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Result
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| 1 |
- ... that ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) can be simulated by a zombie porcupine attack, though the latter involves more screaming? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Kilroy was here?
- ... and now he's there? >>>(pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the only thing we have to fear is phobophobia? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... that if Greedo actually shot first, we would have saved billions in movie tickets and rentals? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that the statue of Pliny the Younger in Como, Italy acquired sentience and began to act like a chicken in 2003? Now prevented from attacking tourists, its eggs provide a small but steady stream of income for the city. (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... experts state that dog shaming only works if ancient languages like Latin or Aramaic are used? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that you only think you've never eaten a turtle egg? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that angry thoroughbred horses always play the race card? (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that Bees will beat you in a pissing contest? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Attila the Hun could never find the right sized leather jockstrap? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that George Washington secretly appeared on stage as Mrs Cherry Tree at the Potomac Drag Club? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... someone was seen not texting or fiddling with a phone, while also not blocking a sidewalk or stairs? Police advise to remain behind locked doors for your safety. (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... penal transportation, or exile of criminals, is the reason that thieving kangaroos are only found in Australia today? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Elon Musk is a wimp for only going to Mars by 2022 whereas we were already able to visit Saturn in 1939? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Red Bull gives you wings?
- ... but there are no color options? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Aztec pyramids had elevators? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Uber has abandoned self-driving cars in favor of virtual comedian-assisted groundhogs? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... in Greek mythology, for murdering his mother, Orestes was pursued and tormented by the Furries? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Baron Hofstedter von Grunke used Christmas tree ornaments from the royal tree to give himself awards and medals? (pictured)
- ... and when discovered, he was not jailed but left outside with the trash on the first week of January?
|
| 1 |
- ... that Saint Ozzy of Osbourne was canonized in 2016 for the miracle of having his brain ascend to heaven but having his body remain on Earth? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Hannibal had lost his last elephants crossing the Alps, but the stench of elephant poo was still so strong that Romans fled even before his advancing armies arrived? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that no, doing this does not make your incompetence any less obvious? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... there's a spot of dirt on your screen right there? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that hyenas are not laughing at you, but laughing with you? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that while I have no idea what this means, all I know is that I just lost my life savings while some other guy just bought his fifth yacht? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that Dutchmen & Dragons is a role-playing game where you can be a dude, a palindrome or even a whizzer? (pictured)
- ... and each character can have traits like awful good, neutered weevil or kaopectate?
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that workmen found this weird object with an unknown person and strange writing on it while digging a trench in Liverpool? This then is more proof of time-traveling alien visitors in north west England. pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that despite little publicity, drag racing is immensely popular in the UK? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that a Russian-built virtual voice-and-image anti-collision warning system has now been installed in 95% of its domestic aircraft? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that NASA built the shuttle buses used to take astronauts to the space shuttle to the same exacting standards it used to build the space shuttles themselves? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that some people still don't know what "reverse cowgirl" means? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... the combination of Steampunk and sous vide cooking was inevitable? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that David Bowie was advised by New Ager Gwyneth Paltrow to get weekly injections of datura and bathe regularly in mink oil? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the current craze of cow mocking will have dire consequences for humanity? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that ancient Sumerian Fitbit records show that their gods were in extremely good shape despite their heavy pizza consumption? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that alligators sing to communicate over long distances with other alligators? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the black crinoid living on the seafloor is the only such animal mentioned on a humor website? (pictured)
- ... and that it would be greatly amused by that fact if only it had a laptop, which would be crushed at such depths?
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... while you sleep, strange creatures are playing with your tub toys in the bath? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that, to this day, nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that if you get hit by lightning while holding a cell phone, it will be fully charged before it melts? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that because of its unique location in the southern hemisphere, Australia experiences brief periods of zero gravity? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... the California state flag is based on one that Anglo-American settlers raised in 1846 in revolt against Mexico? (pictured)
- ... and that live Grizzly bears are no longer sewn to the flag to make it wave on windless days?
|
| 1 |
- ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that invisible spaghetti sauce has become so popular that there is now a shortage of it? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... That in American Sign Language, there is no sign for "Sign louder, I can't see you"? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... when someone in the shower asks you to pass the conditioner, you shouldn't question why they need it in the first place? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that only one Texan has combined a career in the NHL with a career as a surgeon? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that putting a pancake on your head will turn you into a rabbit? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that this topless woman is clearly unhappy about her situation? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that in the Burger King briefly attempted to introduce traditional British cuisine in the US? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that the WWF is the only "sports entertainment" organization endorsed by PETA and Greenpeace? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... cows produce a significant part of the methane affecting global warming? And that embarrassed cows then attempted to hold in farts with inevitable results? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... you must keep hands and feet inside the boat while the ride is in motion? That means you, gramps. (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Google has trained parrots to fly in and remove ESC keys from all keyboards for a "better internet experience", where you will never be able to leave certain pages? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the metal vibranium is durable and resilient due to its soft and spongy molecular bonds? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Japanese ninjas are among those who have tried to find a way to get across the Great Wall of China? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that the Bay City Rollers have reunited having adopted a more traditional concept? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that some women are afraid of seeing a new gynecologist for the first time? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... only one moviegoer has ever been able to sit through a double feature of The Room and Manos: The Hands of Fate? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... The Sound of Music was shot in the Argentine Andes to save on costs, but reshoots wiped out any savings? (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that the movie Brokeback Mountain was originally released as an animated film? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the Tomb of the Unknown Unknown still stands in Washington, D.C.? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... only one person survived the 1963 sinking of the Staten Island Ferry by a kraken? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that this is Shark Week on Uncyclopedia?
- ... and that you shouldn't expect too much? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that there was more than one model for the Mona Lisa? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that tickle fights are a common occurrence in soccer? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... that cabbages are not to be trifled with? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that US officials grabbed a Tyrannosaurus that entered the country illegally? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... that a Siri app released in 2013 allowed cat owners to control their pets? And it worked, but only for about 48 hours? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... you are in a maze of twisty little passages, all different? (pictured)
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| 1 |
- ... Uncyclopedia now has 37,280 articles on it, just in case you forgot after reading the top of the page? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that while 3 Card Monte is a known scam, 2 Card Monte is easier to play and winnable? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... pretending a nap is an ultra-long head desk doesn't fool anybody? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that the man on the left is admiring the bare torso of the man on the right in a purely non-sexual manner? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... miniature Kraken make perfect housepets as they are very clean and only grow to about 30m in length? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the Easter Bunny must kill every 100 years? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that Jedi knights have appeared on Dancing With the Stars but have somehow been forgotten? (pictured)
- ... and that these are not the droids you're looking for?
|
| 1 |
- ... that Pigpen had a collection of over 200 various skin diseases during his childhood? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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| 1 |
- ... that St. Sebastian always regretted teaching acupuncture to Roman Emperor Diocletian? (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that the Moldovan Olympic hide-and-seek team has won the gold medal five times in a row?
- ... and if seen, please call 555-INTERPOL. (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that global warming is forcing yeti and other animals to migrate farther north? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the adage "on the internet, nobody knows you're a dog" has been proven to be false? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance? (pictured)
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that family pets should be introduced to new members of the family as soon as possible? (pictured)
- ... and there's the doorbell. You should get that, it might be that eBay package you're waiting for.
|
| 1 |
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| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that a pair of goannas were scheduled to be in the 2016 finals of Australia's Dancing With the Stars? (pictured)
- ... and that, tragically, they were run over by a beer delivery truck whilst practising in the car park?
|
| 1 |
- ... the Shake Shack restaurant chain got its name from a typographical error?
- ... and that it started as Snake Snack, a New York food cart that sold cobras and bagels? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... Badgers?! We don't need no steenking badgers!! (pictured)
|
| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... that the average human male between the ages of 13 and 18 is has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
- ... and if you haven't before, you just did after reading the above statement? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that sleeping koalas and bogans falling out of trees caused over A$2.1 billion in property damage in 2019? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that this is the reason why toilet paper is sold in 24-roll packages? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that giraffes react the same as humans when they read a dumb joke here? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... small children have taught the song Let It Go from Frozen to farm animals, with dire consequences for the sanity of adult humans? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... every year, more and more pets are found stuck to ceilings and walls due to static electricity in their fur? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... the heirs of the Frankenstein estate successfully sued Build-a-Bear for theft of concept? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... Australia posts signs nationwide with safe areas without deadly animals shown in green? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
|
| 1 |
- ... training homing alligators also requires training them on how to use a door? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... we've been expecting you, Mr. Bond? (pictured)
|
| 1 |
- ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (pictured)
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| 1 |
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