The Zoo, Animal Heaven
Although many people do not realize it, animals believe that the zoo is heaven. In their mistical spiritual religion all animals believe that one day they will, if they kill enough other animals, be taken away to animal heaven where they never have to work for anything and hardly can or have the opportunity to, move. Did you know that many animals want to be caught by the zoo, it is for this reason that if you catch a deer looking in your headlights it will not move and can be captured and sent to the zoo quite easily. However deer are not fun to watch so humans have logically decided to kill lots of them every fall. Did you also know that there are also antelope? Anyway, as mentioned before animals love the zoo because they can barely move and do not have to use their animal instincts chasing anything or hunting for things.
The Zoo Keeper Sure Knows a Lot about Animals
The zoo keeper sure knows a lot about aminals. He told us that aminals evolved a long time ago. When he said this, some people with a big black book started arguing with him. Then they something something and bad stuff happened.
Animals Like Pellets, Except for the Tiger
The zoo sells pellets that you can feed to the aminals. They have machines where you can put a quarter in it and then you turn the handle and a whole pile of pellets comes out. They smell funny. Most of the aminals like pellets even though they smell funny, except for the tiger. The tiger doesn't like pellets. My little brother tried to feed the tiger some pellets last summer, but he didn't know you weren't supposed to feed the tiger because there was a big huge sign on the tiger cage that says you aren't supposed to feed the tiger and my little brother can't read. Boy, is he dumb. I'm glad he finally got out of the hopsital last week. He says he doesn't want to go to the zoo this year because the tiger may still be at the zoo waiting for him and he doesn't want the tiger to eat his other hand. Whotta dweeb.
You Can Learn All About Animals at Uncyclopedia
You can learn all about aminals at Uncyclopedia. Uncyclopedia is cool because they like aminals too. My best favorite aminal is the larynx. You can learn all kinds of stuff about the larynx by clicking the link that says "larynx", even though the zoo doesn't have any larynxes for some reason. I asked the zoo keeper if he had a larynx at the zoo and he looked at me funny. Maybe they are too expensive. My dad says he's best favorite aminal is the cervix. I think that is a kind of monkey. My dad says they are really, really expensive but that my mom has one.
Animalariums or as they are more properly known--Animalari, the correct plural although it's never heard because there is only one of them--are a special type of zoo only found in Borth. In these Zoos the animals are all kept in tanks of water and given breathing equipment so they can survive.