The Andes are a large, pointy and delicious mountain range located on the left side of South America, running up and down Chile. They are world-renowned for their beauty and ability to hide bad odors. They are absolutely the tallest mountains in the world. Really. Don't fall for their lies!
After his wife left him, his children died, and he grievously injured his pinky, famous mountain hiker, and coincidentally, chocolateer, Leo Hirshfield decided he would randomly explore the western coast of South America. Previously unseen, he was the first to lay his greedy little eyes on the delicious chocolate mountains. After stuffing his face with the mountain soil and becoming less attractive than he already was, he returned home, with plans of safely harvesting the chocolate without damaging the environment. He named the mountains the Andes due to the giant labels spelling out the word.
Returning to the magical mountains with his trusty shovel, Leo began to mine the delicious dirt. However when his shovel penetrated the soil, a mysterious green substance appeared. Thinking quickly, Leo shoved it in his mouth and immediately died because he was allergic to mysterious green fluids.
In the late 60's the mountains were discovered again, by an American family of 6. They were going to church in Texas, but got lost. When they discovered the edible peaks, they immediately called their local Edible Mountain Discovery Center, who quickly paid the family of 6 to forget whatever happened. Now they are dead. Sucks to be them.
In recent years, scientists have learned of Leo's journey through his gay little journal which was preserved by the mountain's minty freshness. His body was also preserved but he was very ugly, and was cremated on the spot. A chocolate statue of him had been erected in his honor. And to everybody's relief, melted the next day.
Realizing how wasteful it would be to not rape this wonderful environment, the man granted several parcels of land to nice people. These people and multi-billion-dollar companies immediately took advantage of this fresh new world and commenced destroying it. Many land-owners developed candy, and others harvested the mint concentrate of the bedrock. Others rolled around in chocolate to fulfill their sick fantasies. Multiple factories were established, and they all assisted in maintaining the stability of the ecosystems. Now everything is dead. ARE YOU HAPPY!? ARE YOU FREAKING HAPPY!? NOW YOU GET MINTY TOOTHPASTE, BUT WAS IT WORTH IT!? EVERYTHING IS DEAD!
What's left of the Fauna of the Andes Mountains is weird at best. Not many scientists are sure how an animal with a chocolate candy for a body can digest food, or even move. To remedy this problem, scientists have decided to kill all of them. Remember, if you can't solve a problem the easy way, you can solve it the extinction way. And that's the way the scientists like best.
A great mystery still surrounds who exactly Andy is and what exactly he owns in South America that he's so possessive about. But GEEZ, we GET it already, it's YOURS. President Obama has of course started a multi-million dollar research project to see if they can find Andy using Google or something. Don't worry, he'll just add it on to the deficit. Mick Fleetwood was asked to solve this vexing question but he just said it's a "Mystery to Me." NIcks was also asked the hexing question but she just mumbled something about how it doesn't matter because a landslide will bring it down. The mountain range itself has yet to comment.