Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens
|Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Wakes Up|
Theatrical release poster, done in a classic tribute style to original Star Wars poster designer Tom Jung.
|Directed by||J.J. Abrams|
|Produced by||Kathleen "KFK" Kennedy|
|Written by||J.J. Abrams|
Lawrence "Empire Strikes Back" Kasdan
George Lucas (first draft, later chucked into the trash)
Michael "Little Miss Sunshine" Arndt (second draft, later shredded)
Max von Sydow
Peter Cushing (in spirit)
Alec Guinness (voiceover)
Kenny "The Midget" Baker
|Music by||John Williams|
|Edited by||Lor San Tekka|
|Release date(s)||December 18, 2015|
|Running time||2 hours which went by quite briskly, to the movie's credit, but this doesn't make up for its other shortcomings|
|Budget||245 million New Republic credits, even though the script was just another story taken for free|
|Box office||$2,068,223,624, an at-this-point-predictable record-breaking box office world record|
“You've been here, but you don't know this story.”
Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (also known as Star Wars: The Force Awakens in the advertising, because Disney wanted to
forget the prequels ever existed give the movie a more "standalone" feel akin to the original Star Wars without that episode-numbering mumbo-jumbo) is a 2015 American epic space opera film and a remake of Star Wars: The 456 Edit directed by J.J. "Binks" Abrams. It is the seventh film to be released in the Star Wars saga, the first of the sequel trilogy, the first under Disney's ownership of the franchise, the seventh in terms of internal chronology, and the first (and last) in terms of everyone trying to convince themselves that the franchise supposedly got its groove back even though the new movies were so far just retreading old ground and continued to do so in the next two movies.
Set in 34 ABY, thirty years after the Empire was taken down by a whiny teenager and a bunch of midgets in teddy bear costumes, the dark side is still alive and kicking; the Jedi Order has been wiped out (again) by the villainous First Order, Jedi leader Luke Skywalker has gone missing-in-action, and First Order Supreme Leader Snokey the Bear has constructed an enormous MacGuffin capable of destroying entire plotlines. Our three heroes — token girl power scavenging hero Rey, token goofy black stormtrooper Finn, and token Guatemalan X-wing pilot Poe Dameron — must find Luke while avoiding the clutches of Han Solo's and Princess Leia's emo son-turned-Snoke's apprentice Kylo Ren. Oh, and Rey is totally Luke's daughter, or Han's daughter, or Obi-Wan's nephew's granddaughter, or Palpatine's granddaughter or something, because literally everybody is related to everybody else in this goddamn franchise.
After millions of nerds protested the Star Wars prequels by self-harming, burning Jar Jar Binks in effigy, and bitching on Internet forums, the franchise was revived when J.J. Abrams, the director of such films as Star Trek: Into Darkness – The Wrath of Khan Remixed, Now with More Explosions and Bra/Panties Scenes and Super 8-0s Feel-Good Movie: The Goonies Meets E.T., took the helm to direct a remake of the first Star Wars film. After a decade of complaining about how different the prequels were from the original trilogy, this new film gave fans a chance to complain about something else: how similar it was to the original trilogy. The Force Aweakens is famous for causing earth-shattering simultaneous nerdgasms and box office record-breakers across the globe, as well as putting the studios behind every other December 2015 release on suicide watch.
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
THE FORCE AWAKENS
Luke went AWOL and some bad looking dudes called the FIRST ORDER have made it their life job to shot the bajesus outta him. Even though the NEW REPUBLIC has been operating for like 30 years and stuff, they are funding the battle against the Order by proxy.
This group is called the RESISTANCE, a movement which has no purpose or goal in mind other than to resist the order. This should make THEM the bad buys, but Leia leads it as she reached the legal limit to serve as a Senator for the (leftover planets of the) Alderaan system. This makes it okay.
And now, Leia has found a clue to where Luke might be hiding...a desert planet called Jakku...
- Color key
You may have noticed above that the plot below is color-coded; this is to preserve the original trilogy's scenes and help you visualize where each scene in Episode VII came from. For simplicity's sake, the bold brackets () mark the character/object/place from the original trilogy.
- Episode IV: A New Hope
- Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
- Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
The Set Up
Despite being 30+ years since the end of the terrible evil Galactic Empire, which the good people of the Rebel Alliance sweated blood and tears to defeat after many losses, it seemed a really great idea to all the people of the New Republic to grow complacent in the memory of this evil and essentially let the remnants of the Empire coalesce into what is now the First Order. That way, the Republic is able to save money by not funding any fleets or self-defense forces and paving the way for evil to once again take over. After all, why remember the past at all? It's not like there's anything to learn by realizing the evil forces if left unchecked ever could present a threat again. By the way, those Resistance people are idiots for even trying to fight the First Order, so let's definitely not fund them or rescue them at all at any point in the movie. Great idea!
Somehow, no one noticed that Plotkiller Base was built, a construction operation which would have taken the resources of innumerable engineers, scientists, workers, and the resources of an Empire, probably more so since it was built into a planet itself. It makes sense that while all the previous versions of the Republic were able to keep close watch and discover all the previous Death Stars, that they would simply forget about this notion and not keep close watch again for any other weapons of this type being built. It really makes perfect sense when you think about it. Yes, forgetting about the past is the best defense against evil, so let's just stick our heads in the rough, coarse, irritating sands like space-ostriches, shall we?
Resistance pilot Poe Dameron (R2-D2) meets an old dispensable man (Princess Leia) on Jakku (Tantive IV) to obtain an incomplete map to Luke Skywalker (Death Star plans). Poe hasn’t realized yet Luke may not be there anymore as he did disappear ages ago. Stormtroopers commanded by Kylo Ren (Darth Vader) arrive and the battalion torches the place (Tantive IV). The old man (Captain Antilles) gets mind-raped (Force-choked) by Kylo (Darth Vader); this gives Poe (Princess Leia) no time to get in his ship. So he violently inserts the map (Death Star plans) into his droid BB-8 (R2-D2), and buys the droid time to escape on a roll (into the escape pod).
Weirdly, one of the stormtroopers dies during all this and the janitor on the squad tries to apply first aid. It goes about as well as it sounds. The dead soldier leaves bloody fingers and traumatizes his comrade; this causes the janitor to realize the ketchup stains he'd cleaned off the armor weren’t that and he didn’t sign up for this. He decides to leave the First Order after he gets back into the heavily-monitored First Order Spaceship. This man is later known as Finn (Han Solo); we get to see his face when he takes his helmet off. Then Captain Phasma (Grand Moff Tarkin) walks in and questions why he did that, ruining any suspension of disbelief. This motivates him to leave the Order, flee as far as possible, and seemingly have no role in their destruction whatsoever.
Then we’ve got this other masked figure (Jawa) inside a downed Star Destroyer (desert) looking for parts (droids). She takes these parts to trade them in for food. Her name is Rey (Luke Skywalker), and eventually she finds another local (Jawa) with BB-8 (C-3PO and R2-D2). She tries to part ways immediately after freeing the droid, understanding the complex bips and bops, and gives the droid directions. Her Galactic Basic is really good considering she hasn't gone to school. The droid can't use them because all the sand dunes look the same, so Rey takes him there personally. Rey is waiting on Jakku for her family to return to pick her up. BB-8 will find this hard to believe as they journey together, due to her extensive knowledge on flying ships, repairing ships, the history of who owned the Falcon, multilingual abilities, hand-to-hand combat, and children's stories of the Jedi Order.
Now Poe (Princess Leia) is getting mind-raped (tortured) by Kylo (Darth Vader) aboard his ship (Death Star). Kylo figures out the map in the droid. Finn recuses Poe because he needs a pilot (similar to the Princess Leia rescue) and they escape. As the First Order Generals scramble to figure out the defector, Kylo narrows down the perp to Finn with ease, having sensed his betrayal on Jakku before. Kylo had been going through similar things and dealing with Finn would've compromised his mind with something other than his obsession with Darth Vader. Back on the escaping ship, there is some terrible bonding dialogue between Finn and Poe, but this somehow brings them closer. Then they get shot down after Poe explains the age, height, and gender of the BB unit in painstaking detail (R2-D2’s message from Leia to Luke).
After the ship crashes onto Jakku (Tatooine), Finn pulls himself from the wreckage. Poe isn’t presumed to have gone down with the ship because he somehow managed to leave his jacket behind. Finn dons the jacket, successfully navigates to civilization, and drinks like a pig next to an actual alien pig. He then watches Rey fight some scavengers (stormtroopers) who are after the droid (R2-D2 and C-3PO). Then Rey assaults him and the droid tasers him while he’s down, all because "he stole a jacket." The act is somehow not considered racist as they make up quickly. Finn lies about his ties to the Resistance so poorly, it could only be a joke.
Then Kylo Ren gives the First Order their first order of the movie and orders them to first deploy airstrikes on the shipyard, so the droid can’t escape in an orderly fashion. But the Millennium Falcon, while its circuits are fried, has plot- and fan-armor enabled. Having never flown a ship before, Rey then illegally pilots the Falcon without an ID (she never got one, due to being a poor orphan and all that). Finn mans the turret, the ship dodges everything flying through the wreckage of downed ships, and they manage to escape. Then they speak to each other at the same time when they make it into deep space and it’s unclear if they are arguing or celebrating.
Moving the Droid
Then Han Solo and Chewbacca try to impound their ship, believing it to be another replica tarnishing the original’s reputation. Before Rey and Finn can explain to Han and Chewie what is going on, a Scottish man walks in and a squid gets involved. Scottish Man dies yelling something about whiskey and the squid is made into calamari which Han hopes he can sell to a local cantina (Mos Eisley Cantina). General Hux (Tarkin) and Kylo Ren (Darth Vader) get special permission from Supreme Leader Snoke (Emperor Palpatine) to use the planet superweapon, and people die. It is not clear which planet(s) get hit. Then Kylo retires to pray to a continuity error, Darth Vader’s charred helmet, as – in the weirdest twist – it gives him strength and teachings in the dark side of the Force.
Meanwhile, the Falcon crew views Luke Skywalker’s map and Han Solo (Ben Kenboi) — the man who you’d think would have experience in space navigation – has no clue where it could be. Then he gives this long monologue about Luke. Turns out he tried taking on multiple apprentices to found the New Jedi Order and make Jedi great again, but in doing so violated many of the Old Golden Rules: You only get one apprentice, so you can keep an eye on him; or If they are too strong, dump them on a desert planet; or the one about having sex, which is left ambiguous. The first apprentice to turn to the dark side had a history of midichloriod abuse and came from a seriously broken home. He ended up murdering everyone minus Luke (Obi-Wan Kenobi), who survived by hiding underneath fallen rubble (this mirrors Obi-Wan Kenobi's speech to Luke).
Han takes Finn and Rey to Takodana (Tatooine), so he can deliver the calamari to Maz Kanata's (Yoda) bar (Mos Eisley Cantina). By pure happenstance, she has Resistance contacts and informs the base about the BB unit. First Order spies firstly order their drinks before radioing the base of the First Order to give them exactly the same tip-off. Finn really wants to bail, figuring that the Resistance will show up and take it from there (Han deciding to leave before the Death Star assault).
Maz (now Obi-Wan Kenobi) is a bit slow giving Rey a lightsaber (the same lightsaber), as she is currently fumigating the basement to remove vermin. The lightsaber, tired of waiting for the plot to move on, starts screaming in frustration and Rey hears the wailing. After pulling the saber from its storage box (that cave on Dagobah), Rey starts tripping (Luke's battle with Imaginary Vader). Maz eventually finds her and pulls her out. She gets super excited that Rey can use the Force and forces the lightsaber on her, saying "You're set for life!" Rey hears "Don't bother going back for your parents who might be worried about you and might have arrived after you left the planet." This hits a nerve and Rey runs into the forest sulking.
The First Order show up to get the droid. Finn — having realized that Starkiller Base might have blown up his escape destination — runs back. Maz confuses Finn with Rey and gives him the lightsaber instead of a trooper's rifle. Han uses Chewie's crossbow gun for the first time ever and a stormtrooper is actually able to hold his own against Finn's lightsaber antics. Rey runs into the forest and tries to hold off troopers who followed BB-8, before getting captured by Kylo Ren, who never excelled at maths, and he believes that an individual who's seen the map = physical copy of the map. As the First Order retreats, Resistance fighters show up for a bit of a dogfight (Hoth battle).
Turns out that Poe is among the squadron, and he and Finn have a touching reunion back at the Resistance Base. Han and Leia do not have the same chemistry in their relationship; well, let's just say they had previously made a child-friendly Disney move. Kylo has now brought Rey to Starkiller Base and attempts another mind rape, but Rey realises she can fight it by thinking really hard. Kylo (Vader) takes off his helmet (ditto) and looks more dashing then intimidating (not-so-ditto). He tries to charm Rey with dinner, but Rey doesn't like romance one bit and declines. A rejected Kylo leaves in a huff, but not before returning to fetch his helmet off the floor and make an off-hand comment to train her on the ways of the Force if it turns out Luke passed away (Vader tempting Luke).
At the Resistance (Rebel) base on D'Qar (Yavin 4), everyone is now worried about getting blown to smithereens and the First Order knows where they are (Did they track them? Idk). Harrison breaks character and complains, sick and tired of blowing these things up. Unlike the previous ones, Starkiller Base is really big, shielded — an intrusion team will need to take care of that (Endor) — and has a weak spot that requires a bomber run. Han — who has a death wish at this point — starts going senile and volunteers to fly straight into the Starkiller Base's shield in the oldest, weakest ship that should've been retired years ago, the Millennial Falcon. Chewie's worried grunts and calls go unnoticed. Finn has to go with him as he knows where everything is due to his dealings with waste (he was a jantior, not a soldier dammit).
The Falcon successfully flies through the Starkiller Base's shield because it wasn't switched on. Rey (Obi-Wan) — after getting assaulted mentally by Kylo — figures that she might be able to do it to others and "convinces" the stormtrooper (ditto) to get her out of her cell (you're not looking for these droids, etc.). Finn (Luke) is able to disable the shields by forcing Captain Phasma (Boba Fett) to turn them off before discovering it was already off. Han suggests they throw her in the trash compactor (sand beast thing that swallows Fett; Death Star trash compactor with the giant squid) and never speak of this failure again; thus the captain perishes. Finn spots Rey spidermanning around and they unite to open the power core up for the bomber run (Endor shield generator).
Kylo arrives to stop them and Han decides to reason with him on a suspended platform above a dangerously large deep hole (fight between Vader and Luke on Bespin). A fight breaks out between the First Order and Resistance over the planet's snowy surface (Hoth battle). It is then revealed that Kylo Ren is actually — if you switch his first name and last name, replace the "k" with an "s", "y" with an "o", "r" with a "b" — Ben Solo (I am your father). Han (Luke) gets run-through with the saber and falls off the platform trying to get away (Luke jumping after his hand gets cut off). Chewie is able to perform a near-perfect assassination in a fit of rage, but the bolt only gives Kylo a flesh wound. Chewie, Rey, and Finn try running away; even though Kylo has an injury he still wants to fight.
Finn (Han) defends himself against Kylo (Wampa) outside the generator building in the snowy forest using Anakin's lightsaber (so Luke can sleep inside it). Finn suddenly becomes spineless and plays dead, and the saber falls into the snow. While Kylo applies first aid by punching his wounded side, Anakin's lightsaber begins to vibrate and flies out of the snow. Rey (Luke) catches it and engages with Kylo (Wampa). Due to the weather, the fight is called off and they go their separate ways. Poe (Luke) bombs the power generator and Starkiller Base (Death Star) goes critical and explodes.
All the Resistance members celebrate back at home. R2-D2 wakes up and with BB-8's help, they combine their processing power to create a complete map to Luke. Rey and Chewie head to the big X in the slowest, least modern fighter, the Minimum-Effort Falcon. After landing on a small island (Dagobah), Rey spends half a day climbing it to find Luke (Yoda). When she finds Luke, the music swells with anticipation and she presents the lightsaber to him, but he doesn't take it and her arm gets tired.
The movie ends with Rey pegging the lightsaber at Luke's face, sick of waiting for something to happen. Dun dun dunnn.
Cast and characters
- Daisy Ridley as Rey: A former junk-dealer from the planet Jakku, who is able to learn Force and lightsaber combat within a few minutes.
- John Boyega as Finn: A stormtrooper-turned-Resistance-soldier who alternates between goofy and badass depending on the scene.
- Oscar Isaac as Poe Dameron: A reckless Resistance pilot whose strategies are so stupid they either work brilliantly or fail miserably.
- Adam Driver as Kylo Ren: Formerly Ben Solo, Kylo is the emo son of Han and Leia who aspires to be as cool as Darth Vader was.
- Harrison Ford as Han Solo: The ex-captain of the old piece of junk known as the Millennium Falcon, who went from being a jerk with a heart of jerk to a jerk with a heart of gold. He later gets killed by his son Kylo Ren.
- Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker: The Jedi Master, who became old and wise after his redeemed father Vader died...until 30 years later, when Luke went missing like a coward after the destruction of the New Jedi Order.
- Carrie Fisher as General Leia Organa: The leader of the Resistance. Apparently she and Han broke up in the years since Return of the Jedi, since they barely have any chemistry here.
- Antwan Danyells as C-3PO: That annoying gold protocol droid who you either love or love to hate. It's obligatory for him and R2 to be in every mainline Star Wars movie.
- A Midget as R2-D2: An astromech droid who witnessed the entire history of the galaxy yet doesn't tell anyone.
- Peter Mayhew as Chewbacca: Han's shag-carpet companion who communicates in growls.
- Dave Chapman and Brian Herring as BB-8: A soccerball clone of R2 who is more agile and nimble than his counterpart.
- Gwendoline Christie as Captain Phasma: The subtly feminine commander of the First Order's stormtroopers who aspires to be as cool as Boba Fett.
- Lupita Nyong'o as Maz Kanata: A thousand-year-old short lady with a wrinkly orange-like face. In her castle-bar on the planet Takodana, she confides to people the secrets of the galaxy.
- Andy Serkis as Supreme Leader Snoke: The true leader of the First Order, a wrinkly pale-looking guy who we don't know much about. And in the next two movies, we still don't learn anything about him.
- Domhnall Gleeson as General Hux: A dapper general of the First Order who goosesteps and does ironic arm-waving salutes.
- Max von Sydow as Lor San Tekka: The old guy who Kylo Ren kills at the start of the movie. Max von Sydow was billed as one of the movie's starring actors despite only being on-screen for a few minutes.
The Force Awakens was based on Star Wars: The 456 Edit, a fan edit of the original trilogy masterfully put together by Star Trek reboot director J.J. "Jar Jar" Abrams on a break between his projects way back in 2010 and posted on YouTube. Mainly inspired by the prequel edits of the same kind, J.J. believed that the same short of shortening could be applied without having any of the main story beats lost. Sadly, Star Wars creator/Lucasfilm founder George Lucas saw this as mocking his digital remastering and sent a Seize and Desist letter to Abrams. The video and subsequently many mirrors were taken down, although George did take a personal copy for future reference.
When Disney bought Lucasfilm in 2012, George felt it was time to release a brand-new trilogy. At the meeting, George showed an exert from this edit as an example of what the trilogy shouldn’t be about. Unfortunately for him, the executives decided that it was perfect and rejected any further input from Lucas. J.J. Abrams was given the biggest paycheck in existence to worm him away from Star Trek and work began on heavily reformatting the movie into something consumable.
One of Lucas's original drafts for the film would have involved our planet Earth for the first time in the series. The First Order is building yet another space station (seriously, how many times does it have to blow up before you realize space stations won't work?), and threatening to destroy Earth because of the amount of global warming there. However, it is spared because of all the evil living there (i.e. fabric softeners, Clippy, pineapple on pizza), and global warming was proven false by Mr. Science Man. Finn also wakes up, and tries to download an episode of Star Wars Detours, the best-known anime. The rebel ship then accidentally fires a blast at Earth, which hits the Griswold family house just as the father is opening his Christmas bonus, which unfortunately happens to be a one-year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club. Most of Lucas's script was trashed, but some plot points such as the First Order's superweapon and the Christmas theme were used in this film and The Rise of Skywalker, respectively.
Rule 63: Captain Phasma
After Lucas had been unceremoniously thrown from the project, writer Michael Arndt took the reigns. He had a good crack, but sadly J.J. Abrams and veteran consultant writer Lawrence Kasdan didn't think the script was a safe bet. Michael's script was run through the shredder and he left the project. Surprisingly, when J.J. started talking to others on set about Michael leaving, major news outlets begun reporting that J.J. himself was leaving — leading to more confusion. The script begun again, penned this time by Kasdan and J.J. himself.
Now, all the characters couldn't be removed otherwise the movie would need to be delayed and Disney didn't want audiences to sour. So they went ahead, jotted something down quickly and the actors (not all of them had been cast at this point) came to London to have their first script reading. A photo of this reading was uploaded, and one online article pointed out the lack of female leads. To try and stop this possible uproar, J.J. and Kasdan attempted to cast a female from the remaining roles, except most of the major characters would require significant redesign if chosen. Luckily, Captain Phasma's design was asexual enough to perform this quick fix. Benedict Cumberbatch did play this role early on before being overdubbed with Gwendoline Christie voice, like Orson Welles when he got dubbed by James Earl Jones. Daisy Ridley was cast as Rey but almost quit due to a sense of impostor syndrome and uneasiness with the franchise; however, she soon got over it after getting onto a speeder model, having the cool fans blow over her, and feeling more confident like she was really there on Jakku.
Harrison Ford gets "trash-compacted"
“Now we had lots of money and technology, and so they built a fucking great hydraulic door which closed at lightspeed and somebody said, ‘Ooh I wonder what this is?’”
One of the main talking points that was stressed by the cast and crew concerns the use of "practical effects", in contrast to the CGI of the prequels. Lots of money was sunk into gunpowder and sets, but one of Disney's most amazing purchases had to be a hydraulic door. This door was made especially to be the door leading into the Millennium Falcon and closed downwards. During filming, Harrison was trying to head through this door, when it unexpectedly closed on his left foot; the incident played out as if Indiana Jones had worse real-life luck with temple doors than in the movies. J.J. then discovered the hard way that hydraulic doors cannot be lifted by a human being. A week later after seeing the doctor, J.J. discovered he'd broken his back in the process. Harrison had to be airlifted to hospital and Star Wars was delayed for two months. Ford still lives with the mental trauma, and it is not known who pressed the button.
J.J. — while it may first seem bizarre — has gone on record saying it was a "great gift from the Force". Not in the injury's sense, but because everyone working on the project got leave. This gave the director time to reshoot most of the scenes and rejig the script. It turns out Rey and Finn's chemistry was very different to the final product seen by audiences. While J.J. won't go into detail, it was rumored to be on the levels of Star Trek: Into Darkness lewd.
Even though there was a very large push in the advertising campaign about practical effects, it may come as surprise that post-production began while the movie was still being filmed. When you use complicated set design and go on-location, it is very hard to go back for reshoots. When the editors began, they first had to wade through 64,000,000,000,000 bytes of footage and it was pretty hard-going.
This changed when Harrison got his leg injury and halted the daily input of new footage, allowing these changes to be made:
- All the returning characters (Luke, Han, Leia, etc.) that were meant to be introduced at the start, now were staggered throughout the movie.
- The cover on R2-D2 was to come off at the end of the movie and was done by C-3PO, instead of BB-8 in the middle.
- Finn told Rey right away he was a stormtrooper in the first draft, which makes even less sense.
- Finn and Rey didn't hide from Han and Chewbie entering the Falcon, when they got abducted. Originally they just stood there, still arguing with/congratulating each other.
- Removal of Leia's and Han's convoluted guilt about their son turning to the dark side.
- Removal of Jar Jar Binks's bones in the rough, coarse, irritating sand after J.J. snuck it into a shot on Jakku.
Three weeks into the run of this movie, concerns were raised about minor plot points. On his late night show, Conan O'Brien tried to bribe Harrison Ford into explaining plot details of the movie, but Ford remained totally disinterested. Luckily, Entertainment Weekly interviewed the leads; the questions that were answered have been reproduced below:
- What happened to C-3PO's arm?
- The suit was partially spray-painted as C-3PO was originally not going to be in the film, but they ran out of money.
- How did Anakin's lightsaber end up in a bar?
- After falling from Bespin's Cloud City, it grew wings, flew into space, and made its way to the bar.
- Who are Rey's parents?
- Two human beings.
- How exactly is everyone related?
- Common ancestor.
- Who is Snoke?
- This guy.
- Why are the First Order called the First Order?
- They also known as just the Order, the first part really doesn't matter.
- How did Poe get home?
- That was never filmed and there never will be an answer, Poe was meant to die at the beginning of the movie.
- Does anyone actually have character development?
- Sort of. Finn goes from being afraid to not afraid, and Rey levels up in Force powers, so as much as a horror movie and an RPG boss fight.
Theater Skips a Bit
Upon midnight screenings across the world, millions of people flocked to see the film. The ArcLight Theater in Hollywood had a different story though. The cinema goers were watching the whole thing in 3D, when the two projectors auto-focused and bugged out. The house lights went back on and people looked around in confusion. Then after a few false starts, the projectors righted themselves and said, “Right, where were we?”, before picking some arbitrary point in the movie's future. Lots thought it was the end of the movie, so many people just walked out thinking the movie had been spoiled to them.
Monopoly's Fatal Mistake
“The reason? Uh...to stop spoilers for movie, yeah. The spoiler? It was to do with a key plotline about how she takes on Kylo Ren and joins the Rebel Alliance.”
“The REAL reason? Uh...insufficient interest.”
Even though Rey was present in many Star Wars-themed merchandise, such as Lego Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Lego Star Wars Guess Who?, and various figurines, this wasn't enough. One extremely concerned 8-year-old girl hand wrote a letter to Hasbro regarding Rey's absence from the highly anticipated, high-stakes, five-star board game. Eventually Hasbro coughed up a figure after the whole matter went mainstream. However, after all the controversy calmed down and no one cared anymore, actor Oscar Isaac (who played Poe Dameron) quietly looked into why he hadn't been put in this game. Oscar found that of the four original playable figures, two of them only were in the movie for five seconds — Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker. The other two were Kylo Ren and Finn, both of which had prominent roles to play. In total, these were the only four people that were known to have wielded lightsabers before the movie's release. Oscar DM'd Hasbro on Tweeter asking about the real problem and they told him they could only go off the movie poster and trailers.
Anyone between the ages of 37–50 and 0–14 in 2015 thought The Force Rehashes Itself was one of the most amazing things that they had ever seen in their life; in the former's case it helped them relive their childhood memories of the original trilogy, while in the latter's case it was their introduction to Star Wars as they were too young for the prequels. However, those aged 15–28 in 2015 did not like it because it wasn't like their beloved prequels that they grew up with, and in fact seemed to give the prequels the middle finger by making as few direct references to them as possible.
Critics who liked the redressing of the ideas gave it a gold star. Others were furious and confused due to the lingering plot threads and unanswered questions which ultimately weren't addressed in the next two movies. George Lucas had been concerned that the story was going to be a soft reboot from the moment he stopped being consulted and not a new trilogy, and he didn't feel any joy in being right. The smart shut-ins had already realized the alarming problem that would plague future installments. If the Death Star's size and destruction points have been maxed out, along with its one-time use, a Death Star the size of a sun has to be built before Episode IX. Maybe they'll use the Suncrusher from the EU, dare I say it. Spoiler alert: they didn't.
- ↑ Time in the Star Wars universe is reckoned using as a basis the exact moment in A New Hope when the stormtrooper entering the control room on the Death Star bangs his head on the door and yells. Using this system, events occurring before this moment are designated BBY (before bang/yell), and events after ABY.
- ↑ Even though there is a design change, they're still called that.
- ↑ Poe was killed in the film's first draft and revived in the second.
- ↑ This is the only bit ripped from the prequel trilogy and is the only time Rey becomes Anakin Skywalker when he drove in that pod racing scene. It is a bit out of place.
- ↑ Anakin Skywalker (Kylo Ren) did this and turned to the dark side. It has a 100% success rate.
- ↑ The reason Captain Phasma isn't Grand Moff Tarkin here is really down to her loyalty. The novel Phasma explains that she is really self-centered FYI.
- ↑ Captain Phasma isn't loyal to the First Order, again according to the novel Phasma FYI, available from all good online retailers. Also, if you can be bothered to read the all-too-real Captain Phasma comic, she deleted any records of her lowering the shields in the first place. But, this doesn't make sense at all as (a) They weren't on to begin with, and (b) Didn't the planet go bye bye? Unsure, please help. Brain melting.
- ↑ Take note (if you ever watch this film again), that the Captain suspiciously doesn't take her helmet off throughout the entire movie.
- ↑ In Star Wars Battlefront II's single-player campaign, Emperor Palpatine's last order was being carried out by the Empire whose remaining members became the First Order, so the response in retrospect does not clear things up.
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