The Astro-Zombie-Mummies
The Astro-Zombie-Mummies is hailed as one of the greatest movies of the 20th century, directed by legendary Ted V. Undress, the godfather of space-zombie movies, in 1972.
Acting? Who needs it? Storyline? So what. Coherency? Nah! Continuity? Huh? What we have in "The Astro-Zombie-Mummies" is rogue scientist Dr. Drevilo, creating an army of Zombie-Mummies - half man half astro robot mummy, tough, sexy spy Lynette Lantz and her minions trying to remove the zombies for her evil fascist country, and washed up actor Gary Corney and his FBI cronies trying to put a stop to it, all with the backdrop of a prostitute zombie development program.
The movie is most famous for excellent acting from Woman killed in garage, who went on to play a victim of zombies in many other movies, with much acclaim from the movie going public.
Something Like a Plot[edit]
Astro-Zombie-Mummies opens with a segment - one minute, thirty seconds long - of a pretty woman driving a white Mustang convertible around southern California, giving us our necessary dose of low-budget travelogue footage (at this point the movie is indistinguishable from a porno film of similar vintage). She drives into her garage, the door shuts behind her, and although it is broad daylight outside, crickets begin to sing. We also hear the low dull quick sound of a heartbeat, which always announces the presence of... an Astro-Zombie-Mummy!!!!! One pounces out of the shadows and does her in with a gardening tool. Man, that was... uh.... scary.
Things do not get more comprehensible from there. CIA chief Holman throws a whole slew of agents at a problem at some government. In some rather painful exposition, we learn of the work of Dr. Drevilo, who was working on an indestructible artificial man who could be remote- controlled on spaceflights....an astro-zombie-mummy!!!!!!! Somehow, they are also certain that the discharged Dr. Drevilo has created.... an astro-zombie-mummy!!!!!!!.... and that this creation is responsible for "the recent mutilation murders".
Dr. Drevilo is, in fact, hard at work creating another robot, apparently to chase after the first, defective one. He is aided in this by an archetypal hunchbacked assistant, Franshot. Concurrent to all this, a group of spies, led by the "sexy" Lynette Lantz is trying to track down Dr. Drevilo, no doubt to put his discoveries to Evil Use (not that their current usage is philantropic, by any means).
Dr. Drevilo's former aide, Busty (The World's Most Glamorous Lab Assistant) somehow figures out that her old boss used the brain of the last case they worked on - a psychotic killer - and that the killer is now after her (he does, indeed, breeze right into a government lab and off another lab assistant). The clever a-zombie, however, bypasses the trap set for him at the lab and assails her in her own apartment (and did I mention that the astro-zombie-mummy make this electronic Horror Horn™ sound when they attack? No, I didn't think I did). In the ensuing tussle with Busty's oddly- accented CIA beau, the astro-zombie-mummy's Power Storage Cell is knocked off, and, in the film's most famous scene, the zombie flees back to Dr. Drevilo's lab, a flashlight pressed against the solar cells in his forehead to keep his heart beating.
The gang locates Dr. Drevilo's lab by triangulating radio transmissions to the astro-zombie-mummy - and are interrupted in their threatening of the mad scientist by the arrival of the ailing astro-zombie-mummy. Our crack CIA team simply follows the murderous mechanoid to his lair. (
Dr. Drevilo patches up the damaged astro-zombie-mummy so he can go berserk with a machete. Lynette Lantz, whose solution to every problem involves shooting somebody, shoots Dr. Drevilo as he pulls the astro-zombie-mummy's self-destruct switch (now why didn't he do that in the first place?). The dying Dr. Drevilo throws another switch, activating the second astro-zombie-mummy, who forces Lynette Lantz into a high voltage box, frying them both. The end.
Sub Plots[edit]
Also filling time is one of the most absurd sub-plots of all time: for some reason, there is a Naked Woman strapped to a table in Dr. Drevilo's lab. Every now and then, Franshot walks by and leers at her. One could surmise that Franchot wants to make her a sex zombie or leader of a legion of evil bondage hookers with ropes for arms and leather hair and spikes for nipples. But that would require more mental energy than this movie deserves, so let's just say that this part of the film exploits women, and get on with our lives.
Critical Reception[edit]
The Astro-Zombie-Mummies has been hailed by many as the greatest film ever made - these "many" were either on drugs or mentally retarded. It was voted greatest film of all time by Entertainment Weakly and number 2 of all time by the Un-American Film Institute. It has consistently ranked number 1 on UMDb's Top 250. Both The Astro-Zombie-Mummies and The Astro-Zombie-Mummies Part II have been selected for destruction in the United States National Film Incinerator. This is not the case for the third installment in the "The Astro-Zombie-Mummies" trilogy, which is banned for its gratuitous display of hardcore zombie sexual experimentation (quite unusual for a family movie branned as "fun for the children").
The Astro-Zombie-Mummies was an enormous box office hit, smashing previous records to become the lowest grossing film of all time. It made USD $15 in its opening weekend and went on to gross $811 in its initial run; nearly a fourteen millionth of its budget and marketing campaign. Re-releases boosted its North American total to $1341.
The Astro-Zombie-Mummies won the Cleaners Academy Awards for Best Picture, Best Actor in a Leading Role and Best Writing. The film was nominated for eight additional Cleaners Academy Awards. Furthermore, it won five Plastic Globes, one Spammy, and numerous other awards.
Uwe Boll believed that The Astro-Zombie-Mummies was possibly the greatest movie ever made, and without question the best cast.
Science fiction films 