Running Man

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If you've ever played Smash TV, you'll know where this is heading... quickly. If not, then you'll have the great pleasure of finding out. Finding things out is interesting though. Like cancer. Finding out you have cancer is very interesting. Not uplifting in the least, but none the less, interesting. Interesting enough anyway.

The people of California are unamused by cancer jokes

What IS Running Man?[edit]

A movie. Bluntly. It's a piece of film work. It might be a book too, but if you read books you-... right. I forgot. You'd be reading this right now. Fun fact: Running Man was written by Stephen King only this was during his, "Can I make more success if I use a different name?" days. So basically, that means he wrote the movie and used a different name to throw off potential viewers. Smart man he was. Smart Smart. Though, I can see where he's coming from, writers have a tendency to commit insanely STUPID acts. I had a friend who thought he was great at writing. I tried to explain to him that putting your hand in a waffle iron doesn't give you magical powers... Apparently he'd been reading too much Stephen King... the POINT BEING is that Stephen King wrote this movie. Huray for him!

What is Running Man about?[edit]

A futuristic food riot in progress

If you're reading this you're either fine with having a movie ruined for you, or realize that it's probably a piece of trash if you haven't heard of it anyways. Either case works. Running Man starts off as a man played by Arnold Schwarzenegger goes to kick some major riot ass. I mean, major. However, the first word, riot, doesn't necessarily mean RIOT. It actually means FOOD Riot. Thats right. Arnie goes to kick some HUNGRY and WEAK peoples ass. Flexin' that DICKWAD muscle. Can't forget to have a toned dickwad muscle. The ladies love dickwads. Of course, Arnie DOESN'T flex said muscle, instead he commits mutiny and tries to stop the other guys from exploding some hungry city folk... Doesn't work out too well. They end up framing him for the whole incident and throwing him in jail. But WAIT! this is the FUTURE. Future jails are fancy.

Future Jail? Go on![edit]

Yeah see, apparently in FUTURE JAIL. When you get out of line, your fucking head explodes. Needless to say there's NO POINT to that except to make the other inmates shit their pants. That and it makes an excellent wall hanging if you have major apathy issues. Yes, I said apathy. Of course, in jail, theres always one or three people who know how to hack a computer... Most of the time two out of the three are dead after being raped in the shower room. Why? Because most people who can actually HACK a computer are either incredibly fat or incredibly scrawny. Either gets you fucked. The fat guy has a better chance of living but not much. In any case, Arnie helps a few guys escape from jail. One guy gets cocky and leaves before hacker guy is done with the shields. Hello wall hanging. So they escape! They still hate Arnie... but they escape! Rainbows and sunshine ensue! But WAIT this is only the first part of the movie, like, not even one fifth.

The Second Fifth... Maybe[edit]

So Arnie goes to find his cousin, who can apparently get him a free ride to Mexico. The water there sucks but it sure as hell beats your head being turned into the world's bloodiest fireworks display. Well his cousin MOVED. OH! Now what is Arnie going to do? The first thing that comes to mind is, rob whoever lives there now. Because you know, nothing says, "Layin' low" like robbing someone. Well obviously, to include a reason for Arnie to fight the evil power there has to be some sort of whore or hooker thrown in the mix. So Arnie ends up robbing a hooker. Well, I think she's a hooker. The bitch sure acts like one. Then again, most bitches act the same anyways. Shoot dawg. Arnie decides to take the BITCH with him to the airport. Great idea AGAIN right? So the lady gives him the bangkok joke and he falls to the ground like... well a girl. Soon afterwards she runs and Arnie tries to escape before the evil Nazi soldiers capture him! Well, Arnie may be macho but he isn't good at running at all. They catch his ass faster than you can say his name.

The Action and Main Frame of the Movie[edit]

Did you know that I used to be on a popular TV show that always made jokes about Nazi Germany?

Arnie wakes up to the site of a game show host. You know, a guy with dark gray hair, cherry cheeks and a smile that nobody can resist, because if they do, he'll just use his great game show host influence to get your ass BEATEN(emphasis on the word beaten) with several large and metal baseball bats. So mister game show host tells Arnie that he wants him on his show. The show is about people being slaughtered. But its okay, they're convicts anyways so it doesn't matter. In return, mister game show guy promises to set his jailbreak buddies free... Who, through TV magic, he re-captured for the government. So Arnie has to do the show... The show is mainly about fighting your way to the end before the time runs out and you get shot anyways. It takes place in an old, abandoned part of the city. Most likely riot city.

Tell me more![edit]

No. Thats all you get

Should I watch Running Man?[edit]

Running Man is a decent flick, if you like horrible movies. Horrible movies are good now and then though. You get to poke fun at them, like they're some sort of Darwin Awards winner! Then again, if you appreciate this movie you might hate me right now. Sorry, personal opinions are a bitch. Especially if you live in America because apparently, its legal to have one.

See also[edit]