From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Suspicious?

A mystery is some sort of puzzle or "whodunit?" where people will run around aimlessly looking for "clues" to see if they can guess "whodunit?". Common types of mysteries are when people try to figure out who the murderer of a wealthy politician is, who raped some chick, or who stole the diamonds from the local museum. The people that go around solving mysteries are extremely weird, but are usually well paid.

Sherlock Holmes[edit]

Taken by ME, 14 January, 1925

Sherlock Holmes is a detective that lived during the 1600s that spent his days (and sometimes even $3.50) trying to solve mysteries. His most famous case was when he discovered that "Jack the Ripper" was the Pope. His arch nemises, Moriarty, would commit a different crime every week until his capture in 1667 for child molestation. Sherlock Holmes may or may not have had a homosexual relationship with his assistant, Dr. Phil, however their friendship did not last as Sherlock was tierd of hearinng 'you need to get a job".


The most famous mystery ever was the case of who killed Mr. Body, a wealthy politician that was supposed to run for president against JFK in 1964. The case came down to 6 suspects, Colonel Mustard, Professor Plump, Ms. Scarlett, Mrs. Peacock, Mrs. White, and Mr. Green. In the end, it was discovered to be a massive government conspiracy as Lee Harvey Oswald was determined to be the killer. In 1999, the case was spoofed in the movie "Clue" where the killer turned out to be Mr. Body's butler, Tim Curry.

Scooby Doo[edit]

The band Korn takes over after the murder of Scooby Doo.

Scooby Doo is an evil retarded dog that commands 4 teenagers to solve mysteries for him. These four teenagers include some gay guy with a neckerchef, a stoner, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and some nerdy girl. They drive around in an orgy van to different places where they solve local mysteries that always wind up ending with them unmasking the culprit and getting him arrested. In 1998, Scooby Doo and the four teenagers were murdered by pirate-ghosts. The famous nu-metal band, Korn, then took over their job and drove around in the orgy van looking for mysteries to solve.

Superman: The Mysteries[edit]

Because Superman works for a newspaper, the Daily Bugle (much like Spider-Man), he is usually forced to solve mysteries for people. An animated series was created in 1997 to document the most famous of Superman's mysteries. The show was cancelled after a very controversial incident in 1998 when Superman got pissed off and murdered all of the possible suspects for a crime when only one of them had done it. Superman got demoted to Lois Lane's secretary after this.

The Mystery of the Missing Milk[edit]

The mystery of the missing milk was a mystery that dominated newspaper headlines and became one of the greatest conspiracy theories of 1995. It remains unsolved with literally tens of police officers working on the case daily.

Unsolved Mysteries[edit]

This controversial television show aired in 1991 and was hosted by the cast of NYPD Blue for 5 years before it was cancelled. The show would criticise police for their incompetence when solving mysteries and point out mistakes they had made during famous cases. They aired a 2-hour special in 1993 showing all of the possible evidence that proved that OJ Simpson was a murderer in his murder trial, but OJ Simpson got off when he pled insanity. The final unsolved mystery is where is Fargo. Many rumors point to it sinking to the center of the earth. Others claim it ran off with India to Bangledesh in Durka-Durakastan you are gay! and remember kids THE BUTLER DID IT!!!!

See Also[edit]