Fargo

“I have been there once...”

~ Oscar Wilde on Fergo

A common practice of fargoers

Fargo (Far_go) is commonly regarded as the coldest place on Earth although many scientists dispute the view that Fargo is actually a part of Earth as opposed to a parallel universe. The state color is orange, except on Wednesdays, when the city is closed for church night. The majority of the population is predominately Mexican, although minorities are encouraged to immigrate for tax purposes and other special things that may interest special people.

Points of Interest

Rumored to be a painting Ralph Nader riding out on his epic crusade against all things French.

The only known point of interest in Fargo is the Cartesian coordinate (3.14, -r), located in the southwest corner of the city. Other, lesser-known points of interest include the Historic Fargo Theatre and the Hjemkjoorstkjghdjkslamst Heritage Center, home to the city's 78 Swedish citizens.

Hjemkjoorstkjghdjkslamst Heritage Center

Hjemkjoorstkjghdjkslamst Heritage Center is actually located in nearby Moorhead, MN, but since nothing ever wants to claim to be part of Moorhead, MN, it considers itself a part of Fargo. The Center used to be a prison camp for lost chinese slaves during the great Quebec - Mutant Swede War known to the locals as the "eh, what was all that rucus?"-war. Until the day that Ralph Nader showed up as a convenient plot device. He then pushed the Quebecians to the black, hellish abyss from which they came.

Today this black, evil abyss is known as France (see-hell). Mr. Nader did this using nothing but his wits, a pingpong ball, and a gnomish deathray. The Hjemkjoorstkjghdjkslamst Heritage Center fell into disuse and as all abandoned building do, it became a beautiful crack house. The center quickly became the "bees knees" for any swedish crackheads in fargo (see the number 5) it was filled with rare and exotic delicacies such as the bizarre concotion known as beer cheese soup (see vomit). Slowly people lost interest in the center and non-crackhead swedes soon took over the crack house via a hostile takover by buying all the crackhouses stock, thusly closing it down.

The Rolling Plains of Nothingness

Not to be confused with the abyss. The rolling plains of nothingness (RPN for short) is the only thing colder, windier, and more desolate than fargo. Streaching from an insignifigant point of land to another, these plains cover most of North Dakota. What isn't covered in RPN is covered in globs of flesh-eating fungus which is colonized by cannibal snowmen, who are, in turn an offshoot of the mutant swedes native to fargo.

The First and Only National Wood chipper Liquidation Center and Imporium

A wood chipper.

Ever Since there was a movie based on Fargo, it has become a wrong opinion of the public FACT that Fargo has millions of wood chippers, and that they make great murder devices. It can be found right next door to the old deserted Fargo Theatre (that place be haunted!).

People's Opinion on Fargo

Citizens commonly comment that Fargo is "an okay place to live in, but you wouldn't want to visit there".

Mr. McHaggis

"Fargo dull unless use peace pipe before visiting"

Chief Pontiac Grand Cherokee

"Eh, is that, that place a little south of us... ehhhhhhhhhhhh?"

Canadians

"Don't remind me of that place. Ever."

Satan

"Did you mean: Nowhere?"

Google

"Holy hell, this place is flatter than piss on a plate!"

Wikipedia

"An EKG machine accurately displays the geographical layout of the United States, however, once the patient dies, one realizes that seeing a flatline on an EKG is a sadly coincidental representation both of how flat, and depressing North Dakota, and more specifically, Fargo, really is..."

P.R. Berthelsen (Crazed metal rocker, resident of Fargo, and extremely adept to stupid information)


"Fargo? What's that? Is that a new kind of car or something?"

President Bush

Movie

Yes it is true, some idiot decided that it would be very funny to make a movie about Fargo, even though the movie doesn't even take place in Fargo, or North Dakota as matter of fact, instead the movie was filmed in God-forsaken Minnesota. Well anyways the movie was a great hit and now the whole world knew the secret of Fargo...

Dang.

Population

Although widely disscussed, scientists have now come to a gestamashin on Fargo's population 78 Swedes, 93 Norwegians, 8 Germans, 8 Russians, 7,000,000 cows, 34 cats, 13127895784957894 blades of grass 4 horsemen, and 1/2 a horse (don't ask).

Interesting Facts

• Fargo is home to the first hairy potato chip

• Fargo defies the laws of science by being the only place in the known universe that gets colder than absolute zero.

• The Flying Spaghetti Monster has been said to come to fargo once a year for it's chilli cheese fries.

• The city is safe from pirates, not because it has no water for ships but because there is nothing there worth stealing.

• Fargo was founded as a fort against the raging hordes of jumping cheese mutants and anorexic people ravaging the country.

• Staying in Fargo for extended periods of time leads to boredom, hemmoraging through the eyeballs, loss of sight (goes with the whole bleeding through the eyes thing), inexplicable use of the phrase "ya, yah becha", minor skin mutations, and the ability to say it's warm outside when it's 20 degrees