Boba Fett
Boba Fett is a fictional antagonist in the Star Wars film series. Originally, he was merely a side character introduced in the Star Wars X-Mas Special, before becoming a semi-important villain in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. He was then seen in Return of the Jedi where he perished in the Sarlacc.
The onscreen persona of Boba was really nothing but a bounty hunter in a cool costume who spoke a few lines, yet he has been given a messiah persona by fanboys and die-hard Star Wars geeks making up their own mythology that Boba is in fact Jesus Christ.
Biography[edit]
Attack of the Tribute Bands[edit]
Boba being the son of Jango Fett, a bounty hunter, who the empire burned a bazillion copies of to form the Clone Troopers; a 2000's tribute boy band to the 70's and 80's mega hit, The Storm Troopers. Jango is best known for once rocking out in an asteroid field with sonic bombs, despite the notoriously bad acoustics of outer space. Jango died tragically when his hair stylist Mace Windu tried to treat his helmet hair with deep conditioning and a light saber. Boba inherited his gear as the eldest of Jango's 4.2 million illigitimate children with artificial wombs.
Now fan boys are demanding a Boba Fett side project to rectify the reason why Boba never went solo and got a carbonite record. It's because he is nothing but Vader's back up dancer.
Fan Boy Resurrection 2[edit]
The geek followers of Boba are now demanding that Boba have his own spin off series. They have been hard at work denying that Boba is nothing more than a second rate actor in a costume and demand his story be told. Excuses as to how Boba did not die in that worm pit have already been seen in action in the special Robot Chicken Star Wars episodes. Now fan-boys are demanding Seth "Lord" Green take over the writing of the fairy tales for Star Wars 7, 8 and 9... which are actually 10, 11... oh, let's not go through that again.
As of 2015, Boba looks to emerge in a new Disney spinoff series called Boba in Wonderland. The show will be narrated by William Shatner and document the lives of Boba fans trying to explain why they are so obsessed with a guy in a suit that died, and come up with excuses as to how Boba is still cool, even tho his daddy fucked up the Star Wars prequels.
Another spin off will also be made to shut fans boys up from begging for a Boba spin-off where Disney is just going to take old episodes of M.A.S.K and paste the face of Boba over Miles Mayhem's face and call it Bounty Blunders. Disney say that should shut those geeks up long enough so they can get underway with destroying Star Wars Episode 7: The Shittiest Star Wars Ever! But is expected to make millions through toy sales". Still fan boy's are not satisfied with the idea and are now partitioning to have Boba's face pasted over Krulos from Dino-Riders instead.
Excuses, excuses[edit]
Fan boys will not rest until their beloved Boba Fett is knighted, crowned king of the underworld, awarded a level 20 wizard in Dungeons and Dragons, and his face is printed on the cover of Wheaties boxes. They claim that Boba did not die in the pits, and in fact flew out after the wormy thing spat him out because he did not like the taste of all the bullshit fan boys have thrown at him. Boba escapes and hunts down Han Solo, and then has his head blown off by the Millennium Falcon. That's the true way Boba should have died, says Steven Spielberg. "Boba would never be swallowed up by anything, I would just blow his head to kingdom cum so no fan boys could tell me how to make the next movie."
Fan boy's of coarse hate this idea. They would prefer to see Boba rise from the dead 3 days after being eaten by a the deserts giant asshole, and come back and say "I have died for the sins of people having to witness Jar Jar Binks" only that would be stupid, as cloning is easy to do, so who would beleive such ass sucking mother fucking bullshit anyway says president of Disney Corp. Robert. A. Iger.
Character[edit]
After the completion of Star Wars episode 4, lets just say the first Star Wars film, George Lucas created a small holiday special entitled "Star Wars 1.2" which was to be seen as a mini episode before the next installment, The Empire Strikes Back. The reason you probably have never heard of the holiday special is probably because of two things. One, it was a cartoon. And two, it sucked. If anyone has remembered it, it's Star Wars fan-boys who where introduced to Boba Fett for the first time. The design was simmilar to the way he appeared in the movies. Those fan boys consider him to be the greatest looking bounty hunter in history, next to that guy from Renegade. Little will they admit it tho, Boba's design was pure accident, as the designer was asked by George Lucas to draw Santa, but ran out of red ink and drew a welding mask on him instead.
Boba was then inserted into the next movie Empire Strikes Back as a bounty hunter working for Jabba The Hut, who has tracked down Han Solo to turn him into an icicle-pop for a late Jabba midnight snack. Boba escapes with the Han-pop and takes him to Jabba's palace where the story continues into Return of The Jedi where not only do the good guys rescue Han, but embarrass Fett by revealing he can't drive his own jet pack, causing him to fall into a pit with teeth that burps as it eats Boba.
Since Return of the Jedi, fan boys have tried to make a messiah out of nothing but a cool costume. George Lucas unfortunately listened to what fan boys wanted, and made Boba's back-story a major role in the new trilogy. Now whatever fan boys knew of Boba was changed to Boba being the son of Jango Fett, a bounty hunter, who the empire cloned a bazillion times to make Storm Troopers. It seems because the empire is dumb, the cloning process did not allow any of the Storm Troopers to be as smart or tough as Jango, as they where simply hench-men easily being picked off one by one.
Why fan-boys are obsessed with Boba Fett[edit]
Again, Boba was just a cool costume fans wanted to see more of, so made up their own fiction, but there is one other reason. In Empire Strikes Back, Boba is helping the baddies out in order to take Han Solo and to collect his bounty. Mostly because he wants to collect his bounty. Not only is Boba the sole one who can stand so close to Vader he can small a death-star-fart from Vader's rear ATM vents, he also gets to sit down and enjoy dinner with Vader and the rebels. This is why fan-boys like Fett so much, he is their hero, and who they wish to be. Boba isn't Luke, Leia, Han, or Han's 7-foot walking carpet with fleas. This is because the aforementioned characters are who the people want to know and understand, not to replace. Typical Star Wars fans don't want to be Vader either. So the perfect fit has to be Boba. And don't forget, Lando is a Negro, and fan boys are racists.
See also[edit]
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