Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (also known as Clone Wars: The Clone Wars, Star Wars: How Come George Lucas Is So Obsessed with the Clone Wars?, Star Wars: War Wars, The Star Clone Wars Wars, or Star Wars: The Clone Wars: The Game: The Movie: The Sequel: The Live-Action Movie: The Threequel: The Making of Documentary; not to be confused with Star Wars: Clone Wars) is an American animated television series created by Dave Filoni. It is the fifth television production released in the Star Wars franchise, the second of the Clone Wars series, and the second overall installment (after Revenge of the Sith) in terms of everyone finally admitting that the series might be getting cool again.
The Clone Wars takes place during the Clone Wars, as the title implies, bridging the gap between Episode II: Attack of the Clones and Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (wait, didn't the previous Clone Wars show already do that?...well, that's not canon anymore, so nevermind). It centers on the wartime exploits of three CGI Thunderbirds-faced Jedi: Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker (who has become much less of an irritant than he was in Attack of the Clones), quippy Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin's orange togruta Padawan Ahsoka Tano (who initially starts off as annoying but becomes endearing).
Plot and episodes
Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker participate in a battle for some reason. The Separatist commander, a runt Whiphid, orders a retreat, presumably to buy himself time to establish his character. Obi-Wan makes a snide comment about getting a new Padawan, apparently forgetting that Anakin isn't his Padawan anymore. Viewers are then introduced to Ani's new Padawan Ahsoka Tano, whose true name is No Soup-a With-a Buffet. Anakin and No Soup-a go to save Jabba the Hutt's "son" Rotta, and Asajj Ventress then tries to stop the bitchy pair. It was revealed that Jabba had a gay nephew who had relations with many droids. Count Dooku and Anakin fight on Tatooine, where Anakin's powers have doubled since the last they've met, while Ahsoka goes and fends off four MagnaGuards that had glowing bo staffs as weapons. Then the frog, Obi-Wan, the crybaby and the Mary Sue have a happy ending. Oh yeah, and Obi-Wan and that one Seppy commander enjoy a cup of tea during the beginning battle.
Ambush: The frog Jedi Master Yoda and three clone troopers go to a random planet to talk about stuff while doing pot with a bunch of flying trash bags. But Asajj Ventress shows up and makes them watch her shave all her hair off again. Then she steals their pot, so they gang up on her and she runs away.
Rising Malevolence: General Lee Grievous and Count Dookie decided to be all badass, so they made some massive Star Destroyer type thing, complete with a built-in cheap rip off of the PWN superlaser. Some guy in a mask went after the Star Destroyer, named the "Male violence". I don't know, go ask Georgy... He failed miserably, only to attract the attention of his once sex partner, No-Soup-a With-a buffet. The Crybaby and No-soup-a rescued that guy and a group of horny clones.
Shadow of Malevolence: So the Crybaby, No-Soup-a, and that one dude in the mask decided to go after that massive Star Destroyer, "Male violence", again... Some Y-Wings, Ahsoka's bitchiness, some explosions, some cheap rip off dialogue from A New Hope, One horny clone medic that is a attracted to a long neck Kaminoan—completed this fail episode.
Destroy Malevolence: Not long after, possibly not even a minute, after the so-called "events" after Shadow of Male violence, bitchy Ahsoka decided it would be best for the entire episode if she shut her fat orange face up while the Crybaby, the man with the beard, Goldenrod, and that one pudgy droid go into the Male violence and rescue sexy Panda bear from Grievous. Then, after the Mary Sues of the Republic left the Male violence, those fucking retarded droids crashed the ship on some moon.
Rookies: One day, Bad Mother Fracker Commander Cody and that weird, horny white haired clone decided to crash some party on the moon of Rishii. Once they got their, some PWN droids blew up their ship. They escaped, of course, and joined some group of "shinnies"—sexually abused clone troopers. While the Uber PWN droids took over their pad, that white haired clone decided to be all badass and shit, and destroyed some of those droids. Blah, blah, some explosions, and then.. some chunky clone decided to become a suicide bomber. He blows up the pad, the droids, himself, and then...Fuck, party's over..
Downfall of a Droid: So Annie the Crybaby and No-soup-a participated in this funny looking, cheap rip off battle that resembled that badass asteroid chase scene from The Empire Strikes Back. Turns out, General Lee Grievous became a pussy, so he fled from his Star Destroyer groupies. The Crybaby chased him, but failed.. Also, that one pudgy droid got lost. So they replaced him with another pudgy droid. Annie cried some more, which happened to be the main story of the episode...unfortunately. However, it is revealed that Annie does it with Ahsoka. He calls her "yummy yum pookums" in front of some fat guy. Wait! Does this make any sense to any of you? No? Congrats. So then, R2-D2 "Pudgy droid" attracts the attention of General Lee Grievous, and his horny droid sensors just kicked in.
Duel of the Droids: George Lucas decided to piss fanboys off by letting Ahsoka fight Grievous...turns out, of course, she wins...She severs Grievous' hand...The crybaby found his secret lover, that pudgy droid, and that's it. That white haired clone also confessed that he will never do it with a droid again. Oh yeah, before Ahsoka reveals that she is the ultimate Mary Sue character, Grievous PWNS some fat guy. Pandabear gets kidnapped AGAIN, this time by a Nute Gunray, the Asian tadpole thingy. Goldenrod whines a bit, and Bombad Jedi Jar Jar Binks of all people goes to rescue her. Padmé breaks herself out, gets surrounded by droids, and gets saved by a monster that Jar Jar flirts with. Gunray gets captured in the end. Oh, and there's something about Padmé having a Rodian uncle or something. Hopefully this the last of Jar Jar.
Cloak of Darkness: The crybaby needed alone time with his Panda Bear, so he sent the bitchy No Soup-a to that one ugly green skinned nun Jedi, "Luminous Undies", because the two were meant to be. On board her big deluxe yacht, the two were constantly doing it right in front of that one dude who got captured...Nute Raygun. They sent videos of themselves through the HoloNet, which made Asajj Ventress very jealous. The bald-headed bitch snuck on her yacht and was verrry horny. Ahsoka and Luminous engaged Baldy with their ultimate weapons. Turns out that Baldy gave up the fight and wanted to have relations with Gunray. She stole Gunray and left soon after she destroyed Luminous's yacht er...planet.
Lair of Grievous: One sunny afternoon, that green wormhead Kit Fisto and some fish decided to drop by General Lee Grievous' house. Their glorious adventure turns out to be a trap, as that fish got PWN3D and Fisto got curbstomped by Grievous.
Dooku Captured: So, it all beings after we see the horny No-Soup-a and that white haired clone on some Star Destroyer. The crybaby was captured before the episode, and to actually understand what the fuck is going on, George Lucas forced everyone to go on the crappy StarWars.com to read that little Flash online comic... After you're done reading, if you read it, the man with the beard saves his ass, then steals one of Dookie's ships, chases Dookie in space, blows Dookie's ship and all of them crash into some planet. some gundarks, and eventually... Ahsoka saves the day. Anakin and Obi-Wan then set out to find Count Dookie, who managed to leave the planet with his homeboy pirate friends.
The Gungan General: Jar Jar returns, this time with a group of horny clones. But wait! George Lucas made a HUGE change! Either Ahmed Best (that one dude who voices JarJarJar) was high that day or, seriously Jar Jar was on crack because his voice was different. Way to go Lucas! Anyway, Anakin, Obi-1, and Dookie became buddies when some Weequays captured them. Turns out that the dudes only wanted some weed from the Republic then they will release them. Blah, freaking Blah, the episode ended. Also, no Ahsoka in the episode, oddly enough.
Jedi Crash: One day Anakin got extremely horny, and decided to go knock Aayla Secura whenever he can't do the same shit to Padmé. He soon got himself into a fight with a bunch of droids over the sexy Twi'lek above some random planet that no one gives a damn about. Eventually, they escaped, with only Annie's cock broken by a super battle droid. They've soon crash landed on Madagascar. After loosing their ships medical station, Aayla kicks Anakin into a tent to be safe and takes of bunch of clones to find some cure for his broken dick. Along the way No soup becomes jealous of how Aayla becomes so attractive to Anakin that they start a make-out fight, with Aayla the winner. On the way, a bunch of animals came and killed all the clone troopers, except for Commander Bly, apparently because his flashy yellow armor doesn't strike out more than the white armored clone troopers do. They soon come across a village populated by a clan of Irish lemurs. The village chief refuses to give Aayla a cure unless she can pre-order him tickets for Terminator Salvation which isn't even out yet. After the pissed off Twi'lek burned a huge ass hole in her pocket, the chief successfully healed Anakin so he bang more chicks. But that'll have to wait.
Defenders of Peace: Just when Anakin and Aayla are about to do it., a Separatist cruiser enters orbit to test out this whacked-out cannon on those annoying lemurs. Their commander, a deformed Darth Fat Guy called Lots of Turd. Anakin was all like "Screw it." and stole the fat mans private shuttle just to regroup with his homies. The lemurs were soon wiped out in a matter of seconds and their babies were shipped as lunch for the Neimoidians and all the other organics enlisted in the CIS.
Trespass: One day Annie, the beard (Not Kyle Katarn) man joined two hippies on some snow world. (Not Hoth). To replace Ahsoka, thank god, Lucas introduced this hot looking blue skinned girl who was a senator. While I was paying too much attention to her, my little eye saw some dude, who was obsessed with himself. the idiot began a war with a group of hairy (Not Wookiees) species called the Talls. That dude, and that horny, white haired clone went and fought that douchebag war while Annie and Obi-Wan were constantly doing it with Chuchi. Because Ahsoka wasn't good enough. After fighting that war, that dude got PWNED and fucking Mary Sue Rex only got "a scratch". Annie and Obi-Wan said there dearest good-byes to sexy Chuchi and hoped (I hoped too :D) that they'll see her again in this god forsaken series.
The Hidden Enemy: Before the events of the film, before Ahsoka was introduced (also known as the Pre-Snips Age of Star Wars), began a prequel, "a term" which is most favored by George Lucas. On the planet of Christopher, Annie and Obi-Wan were fighting in some random battle. Just when you thought the episode couldn't be any stupider, one Bad Mother Fracker PWN clone named "Slick" betrayed the Mary Sue Republic and married Baldy, a.k.a. Asajj. That awesome clone named Cody and that douchebag white haired clone fought Slick because the clone stole Rex's white hair dye. Later, the most retarded thing happened... the crybaby and Obi-Wan returned after their "little adventure" with Baldy and arrested slick for being a complete dick. What happened next? Go watch the crappy movie and find out. Don't know what movie it is? If you see some annoying orange skinned slut, then congratulations, you're victorious.
Blue Shadow Virus: One magnificent day, some highly crack addict named "Dr. Vindi" started some blue virus. The Ultimate Mary Sues of the Republic—Uh, the crybaby, Obi-Wan, orangy, that white haired clone—went to save sexy Panda Bear and Jar Jar inside Vindi's crack den. So when everything goes smoothly for the Mary Sues, Vindi went all badass and shit and decided to activate a virus bomb and....Nope. The Mary Sues deactivated it. Tragically giving the Mary Sues, yet, another win...
Mystery of a Thousand Moons: This episode made no freaking sense to me. Turns out that George Lucas and his followers don't know what a virus is. How can there be a cure for a virus? WTF? Oh and "antidote" cannot cure a virus dumb fucks, that's for poison. Also, WHY WON'T AHSOKA DIE?!?!?! She fainted and magically the douchebag white haired clone "saved her from falling." Pssh. Not to mention the pointless story in Iego, or that huge plot hole at the end when everyone got out of Vindi's crack den, and yet in the episode they said they cannot leave because the virus will leak out in Naboo but they did it anyway. Ugghh..
Storm Over Ryloth: Because all the clones want to try out some Twi'leks that night after the boring Virus episode, the Seppies got jealous and blockaded their planet. And when Whinie and A-Soup-A need reinforcements that don't get them. GEEZ, THESE CLONES NEED SOME TWEELEKS! But Artoo smashes the ship into the cowardly skinny Asian admiral and they go down to the planet to go rape some Tweeleks.
Innocents of Ryloth: Two clones go to a city, and there are no Twi'leks there. They do, however, find a little girl, who is too young for their taste so they use her to find some other Tweeleks. Geez, Cody, Tweeleks?
Liberty on Ryloth: Mace Windu decides he can't resist fucking those Tweeleks and joins the mission, and Count Dookie steals all the treasure and leaves Wat Tambor to go to jail. Mace Windu shows no marcy and kills that-no wait, he doesn't. They can't afford to kill anyone in this series.
Hostage Crisis: Since Dooku misses his heterosexually challenged slug (That purple dipshit from the movie that looks like Jabba), he sends in Cryptosporidium-137 along with a few bounty hunters to get the Destroy all humans franchise back on track molest some senators till Palpatine decides to release the fat ass. Too bad Anakin's jacking off Padmé once again! After her "adventure", sexy ass retreats to the senate lobby to discuss about some bill with the senate. Bane then holds the senators hostage till the slime ball crawls out of prison. I could describe this shit bomb in greater detail but I think you all know the scope- Anakin saves senators but Crypto Cad Bane escapes with his shit. Now come to think of it, after seeing Donald Duck and the return of Jabba's uncle, I just feel like crapping my own balls out my dick! That means I really hate to see what Season 2 has in stock. Damn... Lucas I thought you were a kickass guy!
Holocron Heist: Soon after season one ended, that blue dude Cad Bean decided to up his badassery by pulling off a Holocron heist. He wanted to steal a Jedi's "holocron", which contained the galaxy's most watched sports videos. While Cad went to the Jedi Temple, Ahsoka was also in the temple at the time. Ahsoka fought and won a duel with a old lady, because the bitch told her to put some more clothes on for god sakes. Blah, blah, Bane stole the porn holocron, and escaped before Bad Mother Fracker Mace Windu came. The bald guy then sent crybaby Annie and Ahsoka to stop Bane. lolz
Cargo of Doom: Mannequin Crybaby and his Mary-Sue apprentice have to protect the holocron that Bane is after. After a "badass" moment that shows how much Cad Bane isn't quite as badass as Boba Fett, Anakin gives Bane the holocron in order to save No Soup-a's life. Yeah. I would have kept the holocron and let Ahsoka die if I were him. It's a win-win situation. Fortunately, Bane does the right thing and blasts No-Soupa out of the airlock anyway. Bane you have done a favour to us all. You are so awesome. Wait, what? Apparently, while I was celebrating and singing Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead, I missed Anakin save No-Soupa. Curse you Skywalker! P.S. I take it all back, Bane.
Children of the Force: It turns out that the reason that Bane wanted the holocron was in order to find all sorts of Jedi younglings and molest them, with some help from his friend Herbert the Pervert. Of course, our whiny Jedi heroes—the crybaby, orangy, Obi-Wan, and the Bad Mother Fracker—have to stop him, and they succeed. Yay...
Senate Spy: In the beginning, the crybaby and sexy Panda bear engaged in a little fun, before the morons at the Jedi Council sent the two to Cato Neimoidia. Some horny senator was drooling over Panda bear the entire episode, as well as, a Neimoidian and Geonosian. Unfortunately, Dave Failoni cut the gang bang scene out completely. What a sherbert.
Landing at Point Rain: The sherbert is too lazy to come up with a new planet for this episode to take place on, so the Jedi decide to invade that useless, bug-infested rock from that prequel film that no-one remembers. Because Republic Gunships are made of cardboard and Styrofoam, the Jedi were absolutely pwnd and Anakin Skywanker hid behind a rock for the entire battle, masturbating and crying for his Mummy. They also threw that white haired clone off a cliff at one point, because he wouldn't shut up.
Weapons Factory: After that less-than-exciting, craptastic battle which only shows the Emo One does what he does best—cry—the fucking doucher couldn't take it anymore. That bitchy orange slut wouldn't shut her face up, so he sends to back to Luminous Undies. This time Undies came prepared and counter-avoided Ahsoka's bitchiness with her own Padawan, Barriss Offee, who was also dressed as a nun. The crybaby and Undies ordered the Hannah Montana team to go destroy some bug's pad. Their yawn-worthy adventure turned out to be foiled by the bug and his followers, more bugs, some tactical droid and some retarded looking tank. Ahsoka's bitchiness turned out to be the enemy of the episode, as the bug couldn't take it anymore! His bug followers dropped Ahsoka on her head, BUT... she didn't die, unfortunately. So then the Hannah Montana team decided to become suicide bombers and blew up the bug's pad with them inside. But, no, they escape... UNHURT...
Legacy of Terror: As soon as that Hannah Montana episode ended, George Lucas became extremely jealous that "death troopers" novel, so he decided to create his own zombie episode. Turns out, of course, Lucas does not know what the fuck he's doing. The "zombies" weren't zombies at all. In fact, they were being controlled by these little worms, yes worms, called "brainworms" (which is what HoloNet users also have). Just as the episode could not be any more retarded, Lucas added in his own version of that neat movie "Alien" in the episode and completely messed up. Not only was the plot crappy, that whole brain worm idea made you want to go to Skywalker Ranch and punch someone in the face. So when the brain-wormed (lolz) controlled bugs kidnapped and raped Luminous Undies, she was ultimately saved by the crybaby, the bearded man, and that Bad Mother Fracker PWN clone Cody. Yeah... that's about it.
Brain Invaders: The Hannah Montana team is back! This time they are given the task to give that green wormhead Kit Fisto his big box of porn videos. Along the way, those sneaky little brain worms—ugh, yes, the brain worms are back…Lucas...—went up clone's noses (yes, literally) and made them extremely horny. So horny they wanted to, and succeed, in abducting and raping Barriss Offee. The Orange One, however, was too much of a Mary Sue to even get hurt. The bitch found a way to stop the horny brain-wormed control clones... turn on the air conditioner. yep... So the clones went back to normal, Barriss Offee was saved and Orangy delivered the big box of porn to Kit Fisto.
Grievous Intrigue: Since General Lee Grievous is kidnapping all their Jedi Whinie, the beard man come along and free him. But, once again, Anakin and Grievous star in the same episode but don't meet each other. In the end, Grievous turns into a spider and goes down to a random planet. That white-haired horny clone gets injured but doesn't die, and goes to a deserted clone's house. He becomes jealous because the clone gets hooked up with a Tweelek named Sue.
Lightsaber Lost: A-Soup-A loses her lightsaber and doesn't want to admit it. So asks a bird to help her track down the bad guy, and ends up fighting these girls with eyes that close sideways.
The Mandalore Plot: The death of all MANDALORIANS as we know it. The sherbert did something so evil and so utterly disgusting…he killed the MANDALORIANS. Everyone who watched this: Fandalorians, Fanboys, Fangirls, Goodwood, and even Karen Traviss had to cry themselves to sleep after watching this god forsaken episode (if you even watched this crap). So the destruction of the MANDALORIANS episode begins with horny the beard man and the sucky Duchess Satine of the so-called "Mandalorians". The beard man's main motive in the episode was to get laid... yeah. The two fought the real MANDALORIANS who weren't sucky pacifists. Satine stated that Jango Fett wasn't a Mando himself, thus making her the prime target of Fandalorians everywhere.
Voyage of Temptation: Obi-1 falls in love with that Duchess, and her personal aide tries to kill her because Dave Filoni, that Indy Jones try-hard, killed Mandos. In the end, Whinie kills him.
Duchess of Mandalore: While on a trip to Coruscant, a Fandalorian attempts to silence the crazy bitch once and for all. Unfortunately (for the Star Wars Universe) the assassin is a crap shot and ends up accidentally shooting the Ice Cream Guy instead. Knobbli Bent'Wobbli goes after the Fandalorian and after a vicious teabagging, the villain is revealed to be Karen Traviss who blows herself up with a cry of "Re'turcye mhi adenn Manda'yaim!" in Mandalorian (the translation for this gibberish is something like "Oh no! I eat potty and piss on squirrels!". The Senate decide not to take over Mandalore in the end. Mandalore is then assploded by Grievous the next day.
Senate Murders: SENATERS get MURDERED how stupid are you?
Cat and Mouse: Mannequin Crywanker and his friend, Admiral Mustache Von British are chased around a room by a giant spider in a trenchcoat (or something) for an hour while trying to send explosives down to the planet Christopher because Bail Organa believes that CIS's secret child hospital is there and wants to blow it up. While Mannequin cowers and sobs in a corner, Von British becomes depressed and decides to commit suicide by headbutting the giant spider. The spider is so surprised that he shits himself and dies. The mission is a success and the children's hospital is destroyed.
Bounty Hunters: Annie, Wobbli and No-soup-a decide to go visit some Felucia for no apparent reason other than that it was in one of the films for a few seconds. There, our two heroes plan to eat magic mushrooms and kill the abomination. However, they are attacked by a flock of vultures and they crash on the giant space fungus. There they find out that a family of drug-dealers and their useless bounty hunter friends are being terrorized by the villainous Pirate Space Cockneys from that episode in series one. The heroes get high instead of teaching the drug-dealers how to fight and the natives are killed when the Cockneys attack. Crybaby narrowly avoids being lobotomized by a monkey in a tank, and the Cockneys escape in their flying saucer.
The Zillo Beast: They find a huge Godzilla and have a great plan to take him to the most populated planet in the galaxy so it can be safe. (Read next episode).
The Zillo Beast Strikes Back: A giant Godzilla goes on a rampage and kills a bunch of shit.
Death Trap: Boba Fett comes back to try and kill Mace Windy. Unfortunately, he fails, because he's still a kid.
R2 Come Home: R2 comes homes. Exactly what it says on the tin.
Lethal Trackdown: Orangy saves the day again…
Clone Cadets: At the start there's a group of clone midgets learning about the UBER army that they are being forced to join. They get to fire a cannon at Justin Bieber CDs that the Admiral is throwing out the window a foolish clone bets the midgets they can't will hit the CDs with the howitzer but one clone proceeds to hit 3 in a row and destroys his planet all is well, BUT THEN one clone reveals himself to be the biggest badass in the galaxy and uses his POWAH to destroy the ship. He then flies away with the bald lady blowing up life pods as they go.
ARC Troopers: Asajj attacks clone troopers and kisses one in a deleted scene.
Supply Lines: Jar Jar K. Binks and Jamaican Me Crazy visit some flying elephant faeries.
Sphere of Influence: George Lucas shoots up the Cantina after Greedo kidnaps his daughters. Don't mess with God. Unfortunately God didn't kill him because he wanted Han to.
Corruption: Corruption happens. OBVIOUSLY.
The Academy: Starring Ahsoka Tano as Scooby Dooby Do! Mary Sue gets named a high school teacher because she was so fucking annoying that they wanted her elsewhere. However, she started giving public Marxist speeches and provoked the Mandalorian Revolution and Chávez became Prime Minister.
Assassin: Aurra Sing attacks Pandabear but A-Soup-A saves the day.
Evil Plans: Goldenrod is captured by Cad Bane and R2-D2 gets to visit a droid spa.
Hunt For Ziro: Penis Mouth is hunted, obviously. Oh, and he hooks up with Sy Snootles. Oh, 4nd th3y g0 v1s1+ the c0rpuL3n+ (haha, long word) M4m4 +h3 Hu++.
Heroes on Both Sides: Padmé Amidala goes visits an old friend with Miss hates everyone.
Pursuit of Peace: After a fishhead and a squid stole Pandabear's new toy, peace, she seeks to get it back, but ends up stealin' a speeder and getting arrested. Meanwhile, the two aquatics get drunk and decide to beat the Senators up.
Nightsisters: That bald slut Asajj get pissed at Dookie and goes back to her sisters and they trick Dookie and give him the worst Sith ever's brother, but pumped up on that one nasty green energy drink that tastes like Yoda. Count Dooku betrays the bold bitch, so she goes back to her Dathomiri ghost homies and they give Dooku the worst Sith ever's brother as an apprentice.
Monster: Monster, that's it. Darth Maul's screwy brother drinks too much Monster energy drink and goes on a rampage and kills people.
Witches of the Mist: Asajj and Savage try and kill Dooku and fail epically, then go back to Asajj's sisters. Savage gets sent to his lame brother (who apparently actually survived) to get trained. Savage, Ventress, and Dooku fight, before Savage runs off to find his brother who apparently survived getting cut in half and falling several hundred feet down a shaft.
Overlords: Some writers for the clone wars get high on weed and write a story arc about Annie, the beard guy, and Your Favorite Orange Bitch getting high on weed. Some writers for The Clone Wars get high and make an episode about all the main heroes getting high on weed.
Altar of Mortis: More weed party...
Ghosts of Mortis: Weed party ends.
The Citadel: That pink Yoda guy, Even Piell gets trapped in this prison along with the supreme master of all planet destroyers. The pothead patrol goes to rescue them and fail epically. Anakin Crywanker, The Beard, The Orange Slut and a group of clones go to a prison to save that pink yoda Jedi and fail epically.
Counterattack: Loads and loads of continuity errors, Obi-Wan gets it on with some pig-like Jedi, and Tarkin admits his pedophilia problem. Ahsoka's bitchiness and a retard clone who commits suicide completed this failed episode.
Citadel Rescue: People get rescued. From the citadel. Duh, genius. That dude that looks like Yoda gets raped by a Hyena and The Orange Bitch saves Tarkin's arse.
Padawan Lost: Staring the whinner, some Indiana Jones rip-off looking chick, Robin Hood, and Frankenstein in stupid Predator rip-off #73... Or maybe it was The Most Dangerous Game. Yeah. That.
Wookiee Hunt: Chewbacca makes a pointless cameo.
Water War: There is war about water, in a throwback to the Clone Wars microseries. Basically some Jaws-looking dude tries to take Mon Calamari...err, Mon Cala, because they don't like the new prince being well, a king, but Anakin and Kit Fisto try to stop that and Anakin almost drowns, but Ahsoka saves him.
Gungan Attack: After the Republic epicly fails to try to defend Mon Cala from Jaws, they try to call in the gungans and bombad general Jar Jar. This is a sign that they are getting desperate... and they still lose.
Prisoners: People become prisoners, duh. And the Calamari prince kills Jaws for killing his kick-ass father.
Shadow Warrior: General Grievous gets his ass kicked by gungans. Yes, General Grievous, feared leader of the droid army, the same guy who can take on a dozen Jedi with breaking a sweat, can't beat an army of Gungans?! Next you're going to tell me Darth Vader loses to a bunch of ewoks!
Mercy Mission: Crack gets introduced into Star Wars....
Nomad Driods: More crack party... and Grievous pays Adi a little hello visit, but that organge guy and crack smoking troops save her.
Darkness On Umbara: It gets Dark on Umbara, do I really have to say anything else?!?!?!!!? Anyways, The Republic doesn't like Umbara being so dark and the really white and pale emos being power, so they deicde to " light things up" if you know what I mean. And Dexter Jester's Less Fat Jedi Brother, Pong Krell, takes Anni's place as the leader of the 501st Legion, but the clones don't like him since he is a real pain in the ass to deal with. Sucks to be them.
The General: Krell smokes alot of weed and wants the Clones to charge a heavily fotifed Emo Airbase, and to be honest, even I think the plan is a little crazy. Alhough against the odds, the plan works, although, The White Haired Clone has Five Guys and the Phsyco to get poilt the Emo Fighters and destroy the Emo Walkers. And those walkers were rayshielded, cheap.
Plan of Dissent: The clones think of a good plan to take out an Emo Supply Ship, but Krell is smoking weed and says no, so Five Guys, The Phsyco Clone, The Hard Suit Case, and a Transexual Clone blow the living g*nk out of the ship, but Hard Suit Case had to sacrafice himself to do so. Also Umbara got "enlighted" by the explosion. And a few people went blind, becuase well it's dark and... OK YOU GET THE POINT
Carnage of Krell: After Five Guys and The Transexual Clone return, Krell gets pretty mad that they did that. Normally, I would give them a medal, but I'm not the one that's high on weed. Krell decided to shoot Five Guys and Jesse. But the Clones don't through with it. So, Krell decided to go on a crazy ramapge of forcing the clones to kill each other, then the clones fight Krell. Krell killed at leat 100 troopers, then got shocked by a noob, and then "accidentally" got shot on the back. Shit just hits the fan these days for those guys.
Kidnapped: Dookie kidnaps a bunch of colonisits and Oh Big One gets his ass kicked by some Russina dude.
Slaves of The Republic: People become slaves of the Republic. READ THE DAMN TITLE!
Escape From Kadavo: People escape from Kadavo, duh! And The Emo One gets pwned by Dookie
A Friend In Need: A Soup A's Boyfriend, Luxery Bonferri, tried to get revenge on Dookie for having realtions with her..... and killing her. So he decided to grab Ahsoka, and join Death Watch. But they realise that being an awsome bad-ass wasn't there thing so they left. Ahsoka also got slapped in the butt by that chick, Bo-Katan, but Pre Viszla got jealous and had a lightsaber fight with her.... it was a draw... BECUASE THEY BOTH SUCKED! Although, Viszla did do better than his fight against Obi-wan, but lets not go there again....
Deception: Obi-Wan fakes his death so he can go on a mission, and people lie a lot in this episode. Obi-Wan also shaves his beard and he goes bald.
Friends And Enimies: Anakin goes after Rako Hardeen who is disguised as Obi-wan, anyways, Anakin fights Cad Bane, and Cad Bane pwns Anakin
The Box: People go in a cardboard box and die. But 5 people surrived. How did they do it? Noone knows, and noone cares, but Dookie has the guys he needs to kidnap Chancellor Palpy, and he also goes on about History, but nobody gives a fuck.
Crisis On Naboo: There is a crisis on Naboo (when is there not?); in other words, Naboo has a Nabooboo. Dooku kidnaps Palpatine and Anakin and Obi-Wan have a duel with Dooku and rescued Palpatine. Another filler episode.
Massacre: Grievous visits The Bald Woman and kills all her friends. In the epic battle of the century, Ventress vs Grievous, Ventress won in 30 seconds because the idiot toyed with her, but Grievous called in his massive driod army and chased Ventress away. But Grievous did pretty poorly against Ventress.
Bounty: With Ventress literally abaonded, she becomes a stripper. But that didn't work out since she killed a guy... anyways, she then became a Bounty Hunter who was transporting some stripper to a horny eagle king. Also A Young Boba Fett is there along with his buddies.
Brothers: Weird-ass yellow guy follows a snake to a red spider guy who is insane and stuff. A couple of clones do something naughty and get away with it. Meanwhile, the Orange Slut plays Peeping Tom on Lil'Annie and Padmé doing a similar deed.
Revenge: Bionicle Maul gets REVENGE. Noo, he gets an eggplant? Tell us something we don't know. Anyways, Darth Maul and Savage Opress have a 4 way with Obi-wan and Ventress. It got reaaaaaaaly intense. Ventress and Obi-Wan finished it in an escape pod.
Revival: Darth Maul tries to enlist Jack Sparrow in his little Army of Revenge. But only half of the priates were actually dumb enough to listin to what he was saying. Then there was a Pirate Civil War. Also Obi-Wan and Adi Gallia showed up, uninvited, and they fought the horny brothers. Darth Maul dueled Obi-Wan.... AGAIN!.... and Savage was playing with Adi's boobs, and he was rubbing his horns against her boobs, and he accidentally stabbed. Since Savage had MAJOR anger issuies, he stabbed her 50 times, which of course, killed her. Obi-Wan almost killed Savage for that, but Maul savded him, damn it! Anyways, Obi-Wan had a rematch with Maul and Savage, Savage got his arm cut off and Maul got his leg cut off. They then took off like the pussies they were while under fire of Jack Sparrow's reunifed gang. Sparrow managed to reunite his gang, at gun point. Hey, you would have done it to.
A War On Two Fronts: There is a war on Tow fronts, READ THE FUCKING TITLE PEOPLE!
Front Runners: On Onderon, there is some race, snd some guy named Saw Guverra runs in the front.
The Soft War: People get high on weed and the war turns "soft"
Tipping Points: There is so much shit going on Onderon, that Dookie sends some Driod to steal there supply of weed, and the king dies. He's eating an apple, but when he swalloed it, but it enterd the wrong hole, then the driod shot him while he was on his throne, then he suffocuated to death. The shot didn't kill him, it was choking on the apple that killed King Sanjay Rash. He also did have a very bad rash.
The Gathering: Some horny kids try to find lightsabers in some cave. LAME!
A Test of Strength: While the Horny Kids test out there strength, Jack Sparrow kidnaps Ahsoka in hopes of getting more weed
Bound For Rescue: Grievous gets horny and decided to find Obi-wan, but Obi-Wan trolls him, and the horny kids disguise themseleves as strippers and rescue Ahsoka
A Nesscarry Bond: Grievous takes over the Black Peral, so Jack Sparrow, Ahsoka, The Horny Childeren, and that queer driod team up to escape. While escpaing on the Black Peral, Grievous almost killed Ahsoka, but he missed his chance .DAMN IT GRIEVOUS
Secert Weapons: The Republic has devloped a Secert Weapon: Crack, and some green tiny guy named Megar Gas Kahn, R2, and a few other horny driods get high on it. Welcome to Star Wars, Crack.
A Sunny Day In The Void: More crack party....
Missing In Action: People get missing in action, IT'S PREETY DAMN OBVIOUS. Also come Bad-ass Clone Commando shoots up like a thousand driods to save the Crack Addicts. He then goes out with a bang.
Point of No Return: Pretty lights....
Eminence: Pre Viszla finds the Horny headed Brothers doing it in an escape pod near death. Viszla wants to take over Man Dal Lore and Maul wants revenge on Obi-Wan, so they decideto team up and make an army of Criminals, Hookers, Bank Robbers, Deserters, Drug Addicts and basically anyone that those guys could find, and i'm tellin ya, the army was pretty damn big. His Eternal Autonomy the Robo-Pope, holds a G*nkist prayer vigil at the Jedi Temple, in hopes that G*nk won't look unkindly upon the building.
Shades of Reason: Death Watch, combines with the efforts of Maul and Savage's drunken Criminal Army, finally takes over Mandalore and fianlly ends those namby-pamby New Mandalorians and finally end Dutchess Satine's Pathetic Pacfist Rule, they even convinced the local population to join them becuase they were being bored of being sucky pacfists. Then Viszla betrays Maul, and locks him and his brother in prision, and Viszla brutally execute the rest of Maul's Criminal Empire the Tradiontal Mandalorian Way. Maul then brakes out and challnges Viszla for the throne. THe fight lasted 20 hours since they both did pretty good, and it was an entertaining fight, but Maul finally beated down Viszla to the ground, and cutted his head off right in front of everybody. Half of Death Watch decided to join Maul since they liked there head's where it was, but Pre Viszla's Girlfriend, Bo-Katan, and her Night Owls, and the other half of death watch said no. So we have a Mandalorian Civil War.
The Lawless: Obi-Wan trys to rescue his sucky girlfriend. They almost escaped and started getting high on weed, but Maul shot them down. Maul then had relations with her right in front of Obi-Wan, then killed her. Obi-Wan heart broekn, was about to commit sucide when Sidious came through the door and said " SURPRISE MOTH FUCKAS!!!!!" While Obi-Wan cried over Satin'e lifless body, Maul and Savage had to fight for there lives. Only 30 seconds into the fight, the most amazing thing happend, that drug addict Savage, HE DIED!!!! YAAAAY! He was stabbed by Sidious in front of Maul, becuase well, Savage didn't have Steriods on him. Savage's dying words were " GIVE ME STERIODS..." Maul, then took Viszla's saber, and in full fury he attacked Palpay. It was an epic fail since Maul kept trying to Sidious with his Sabers, but he ust simply blocked it. Then, Palpay just shot Maul with ligthing and said he had " other uses for him". But some reports say that Sidious accidnetally electroctued Maul to death. Which would have been Maul's most dignifed death. Either way, Mandalore was still in a Civil War, and things were back to normal on that planet..... for now.....
Sabotage: Bariss goes 9/11 style on the Jedi Temple in order to kill Luminara, but she mises and blames it on some hooker chick.
The Jedi Who Knew To Much: The Republic finally had enough with Ahsoka and they execute Order 99: KILL AHSOKA TANO. Also, they balmed her for the bombing. So Ahsoka goes on the run, and Anakin tries to prove she's innocent. Now why didn't they execute Order 88??????
To Catch A Jedi: Ahsoka has relations with Ventress and Bariss, and gets caught. Reminds me of that Fugitive Move....
The Wrong Jedi: Bouncing Jimbos. Emperor Jimbo commands you to see the real article called: Fail. In the finale of this seris, Anakin must prove Ahsoka's innoncence, becuase there literally about to kill her. Anakin literally fucks up Ventress, Ventress says it Bariss, and for once she's right. Anakin has a long fight with Bariss. Anakin wins and brings her to confess, so they shoot her instead, and Ahsoka is free. DAMN IT!!!!! But its not a total loss, Ahsoka is mad at the Jedi Council for kicking her out, so she leaves, and Anni cries. Once Ahsoka got outside the wall, she got hit by an Ice Cream Truck. AHOSKA, DIE WITH SOME DIGINITY, IT'S NOT HARD!!!!! But then Disney gets high on Meth, and cancelles the seris. FUCK! In this season finale, Manticore shits in No Soup-a's mouth, causing her to leave the Jedi FOREVER!! But wait, what about the fates of Darth Maul, Captain Rex, Asajj Ventress, Cad Bane and the rest? We don't know. You LOSE. You get NOTHING! 'GOOD DAY SIR!! I'm guessing they all died horribly...
Cast and characters
- Ahsoka Tano - Rosario Dawson, wait no I'm thinking of The Mandalorian.... Oh, I remember now. It's that blonde chick that's married to a baseball player
- Annie Skyjogger - Matt Lantern
- Maul - Starkiller (the voice actor, not the character)
- All of the Clones - Perry the Platypus
- Yoda, Narrator - Professor Utonium
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (or More Star Wars: Are You Happy Now?) is yet another Star Wars series from Lucasfilm that chronicles the Clone Wars, the first being Genndy Tartakovsky's 2003 microseries Star Wars: Clone Wars. It was announced in 2007, at the Celebration IV nerd convention; "Give my old nerdy college roommates what they want!" George Lucas stated in an interview. Before TCW became a whole TV series, Lucas had the bright idea of creating a theatrical movie, which flopped harder than a big gooberfish. The series was not created by Seth MacFarlane as many believed, since he was responsible for Star Wars parodies such as Family Guy Presents Blue Harvest, Star Whores: The Clone's Whores, and Star Wars: Detours. Rather, it was spearheaded by Avatar Dave Filoni, who went on to make Star Wars Rebels and Star Wars: The Bad Batch, and also direct episodes of The Mandalorian.
The film of TCW was released in 2008, followed by the first five seasons from 2008 to 2013. 3D models were one of many tools in the animation crew's bag of tricks (the other being constantly disappearing and reappearing capes), so they created life-size marble statues of all the characters for reference. In 2013 however, Disney cancelled the series, which would turn out to be the first of their many gut punches into Star Wars fans' stomachs. A sixth season of unfinished episodes, branded The Lost Missions, was eked out by Disney as table scraps for the rabid fanboys they had just upset. Due to popular demand, Filoni was brought back to helm a seventh and final season of the show, which was released in 2020 as a Disney+ exclusive.
The Clone Wars received mixed reviews in its movie and first two seasons, with fickle critic Eric D. Snider saying it was "utterly a failure. So bad in fact, that I would rather have my own planet destroyed by Jar Jar Binks than watch another second of this kark." "It could have been better," said Eric Goldman IGN, "but all the blame can be placed on Rotta the Huttlet and the red kowakian monkey lizard for this Star Wars tragedy." "Though vastly technologically superior to the 2003 series, this 2008 reboot still doesn't hold a candle to '90s old-school computer graphic classics like ReBoot and Transformers: Beast Wars," said Bob Chipman of The Escapist. Some fans speculated the series would only last one season due to negative ratings and the fact that Star Wars died centuries ago.
But then, a miracle happened. The Clone Wars hit season three and began improving with a darker and more adult tone, developing Anakin's character deeper than the prequels did, and even Ahsoka became more likable. By the end of its run, many Star Wars fans praised The Clone Wars as a CGI mannequin masterpiece.