Space Ghost

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Don't make me use my spank ray.

Space Ghost, real name Tad Eustice Ghostal, is a Hanna-Barbera superhero who fights villains in outer space, along with his sidekicks Jan, Jace, and Blip (the token monkey). In the 1990s, he became the host of a hugely successful talk show on Cartoon Network, which spawned further seasons on Adult Swim and GameTap. Nowadays, Space Ghost spends most of his time languishing in relative obscurity, despite having a decent film career.

Early life[edit]

Chad informing Space Ghost their mom never loved him on air.

Space Ghost was born in the year 1941. During his childhood years, the young Space Ghost would often be picked on be several of his classmates. They often called him "Paleface", "Loser", "Dweeb", and "The pale kid who sits in the back of the class by himself because nobody likes him", among other things. His evil twin brother, Chad Ghostal (professionally known as Space Spectre), was usually the leader of the group of kids who would pick on him. Chad looks identical to Space Ghost except for his facial hair.

Space Ghost wasn't able to grow his first chin until his 47th birthday.

Superhero career[edit]

Space Ghost's career as a superhero began in 1966. His adventures were recorded and aired on television alongside the cartoon Dino Boy in the Lost Valley during Saturday mornings. The show only aired until 1968. In the 1980's, he and his sidekicks were brought back in a new series temporarily to television to fill in an empty time slot.

Council of Doom[edit]

In the final six episodes of the original series, Space Ghost battled the "Council of Doom" (which consisted of Moltar, Zorak, the Black Widow, Metallus, Brak, and Creature King). Space Ghost encountered other superheroes that would later have their own shows. Creature King sent a space ape to fight Space Ghost, and Jace used the phantom cruiser to run him over and put both of them in a time warp, sending them to a prehistoric world. Mightor viciously slaughtered the space ape, and Space Ghost went back to the present-day using his power bands.

After the Creature King's death, Zorak encased Jan, Jace, and Blip in a capsule and sent them through space to Earth where they landed in the ocean where he intended for them to drown, but Moby Dick brought them to the surface. Zorak managed to get away and wound up in a bar full of Puerto Ricans, and after reading "The Canonical List of Puerto Rican Jokes" to them, managed to get beat up to a bloody pulp.

Another time, Moltar went to the planet Quasar to kill Space Ghost. The Herculoids helped Space Ghost beat the living shit out of Moltar. And lastly, after causing irreversible brain damage to Brak and escaping from the Black Widow, the council used a negative transportation ray which sent Space Ghost to some magical world where he was attacked by the Flaming Sultan. Luckily, some genie saved him and sent him back to this dimension.

After they defeated the Council of Doom, the show was cancelled after a video of Jan and Jace performing incestuous acts surfaced.

Talk show[edit]

Space Ghost doing a dance on his show.

In 1994, Space Ghost, who'd been reduced to living under the spaghetti roads of Atlanta, Georgia, answered an ad for a talk show host for an upcoming show on Cartoon Network. He was hired, along with his former adversaries Zorak and Moltar, to be the host of the new talk show. The show was shot and broadcast from Space Ghost's studio (Ghost Planet Industries) on the Ghost Planet.

Due to his withdraw from the crack and alcohol, he would often think some of the first guests were other superheroes and usually opened the interview by asking them about their superpowers. His interactions with guests were painfully awkward, and often hostile. It was often hard to tell if guests were aware of the nature of the program on which they are appearing. To add to the confusion, Space Ghost would often yell out hateful slurs directed toward Harvey Birdman at random times, while Harv was choppin' up lines and doing the New York Hustle with Tony Manero at Odyssey 2001 (and eventually meeting the woman in the radiator.) Tad also offended itching fetishists in an episode dedicated to an Elizabeth Reed, but at least one New Yorker (who was definitely in her teens but she sounded like she was 7) liked it, then took Space Ghost to the Palisades Center in West Nyack, NY and Sargeant Slaughter'd him outside a Brenner Florsheim to the tune of "Rise and Shine" by Hoyt Curtin.

At one point, Space Ghost sues former sidekicks Jan, Jace, and Blip claiming that they were slandering his good name with their prank calls into his show where they'd blame him for, "leaving them in interstellar gases, the path of incoming laser rays, and unearthly atmospheres that stunted their growth." They countered sued for back wages and damages stemming from emotional distress, mental cruelty, and for preventing them from receiving an education. Both sides dropped the charges after the teens and the monkey's lawyer, Dr. Nightmare (Attorney at Law!), killed himself.

Zorak was his band leader, and his producer, Moltar, worked for Space Ghost as punishment for their crimes. They often proclaim their hatred for Space Ghost. Space Ghost often bends Zorak over his keyboard and spanks him with his spank ray while Moltar records it.

In 1996, Space Ghost was contacted by the big guys and offered "a rocketship full of cash" if he presented all-new animated comedy to them. Afraid of improv, Ghostal simply strung old episodes of his talk show together and lied to the big shots that they were new, which led to him not getting the cash and for it to be sent to his #1 fan as a result of signing up for social security.


Space Ghost informing his viewers he'd hit that.

In 1995, after an equal rights group threatened to sue Ghost Planet and Cartoon Network for not giving equal representation to the mentally-impaired, a variety show titled Cartoon Planet was created, starring Space Ghost, Zorak, and everyone's favorite retard Brak. In 2001, Brak also starred in his own sitcom on Adult Swim, in which he lived with his parents and Zorak was his best friend. This show proved to not be funny in the slightest, and was swiftly cancelled after three seasons.

In 1997, Moltar launched Toonami, an anime block for the Wapanese that airs shows such as Dragon Ball Z and One-Punch Man. Eventually, Moltar was caught using opioids on air and was replaced by the extremely gay TOM. It was cancelled in 2008, as Internet streaming had made the block obsolete, and also because Cartoon Network executives needed to make room for the hip, new live-action programming they created. However, Toonami was revived by Adult Swim in 2012, after a one-time April Fools' joke that fans begged to become full-time, and then completely shat on its characters with idiotic decisions such as Future Sara.

Fall from Fame[edit]

Unfortunately, after a semi-successful 10 year run, his show was cancelled in 2004. By this point in history, Space Ghost had helped launch the careers of Conan O' Brian (a fellow late night talk show host), the Aqua Teen Hunger Force (who have had much more successful careers than Space Ghost could ever imagine), and his wife Bjork. Sadly, after his show was cancelled, Bjork left him for his evil twin brother, Chad.

Space Ghost was quickly evicted from his apartment, in which he'd just gotten his cable connected. Desperate for more work, Space Ghost took on any work he could get. He appeared on various episodes of Perfect Hair Forever, usually as food for Bear. He even began releasing season boxsets of his talk show. After being a car salesman in Wisconsin for approximately two months during the Winter of 2005, Space Ghost went back to William's Street and began living as vermin, surviving by stealing food and drinks from the refrigerator and sleeping in the rat-infested walls.

Return of his show[edit]

As one can imagine, having their food and drink taken away from them irritated the executives at Cartoon Network, so they offered to bring back Space Ghost's show, this time via Time Warner's GameTap website. In this new format, Space Ghost interviewed many video game officials; when he interviewed Peter Moore during E3 '06, Space Ghost agreed to be the executive producer of a dermatology game for teens titled "Wash Yo' Goddamn Face, Son!", and to celebrate, Space Ghost and Peter dropped it like it was hot. This caused many viewers to vomit all over their monitors, which apparently dropped the show's viewership in half.

After flashing his sexy nipples repeatedly, Space Ghost's talk show was cancelled due to low viewership, despite the show being the only reason people even used GameTap.

Where Is He Now?[edit]

Today, Space Ghost is sober and has starred in a few films. One such film was the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters, released in 2007, during his recovery from his addiction. Giving Space Ghost a chance, they gave him a cameo, and a "Damn good one he had", said Meatwad Ghostal's co-star in the film. He won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, despite being in the film for four seconds then dying. He later starred with the teens in their second filmDeath Fighter, earning Space Ghost a second academy award, this time for Best Actor.

Space Ghost was last seen being dragged through the Appalachian Mountains in north Georgia by a bear. His body has not been recovered, though authorities have received information the scientist Dr. Weird was seen wearing his face like a mask as he did a little kooky-dance. The validity of this is unsupported, however, as Space Ghost has taken over the role of Batman from Ben Affleck just days after this news broke. Space Ghost's good friend, Christian Bale was pulling for him to get the role from the beginning after Bale himself left the franchise. It's said that Affleck is too busy being an Accountant to pay for child support and that playing Bruce Wayne/Batman was "too time consuming" according to his wife, who divorced him. Bale also coached Space Ghost how to play the part right. The role payed off for him, as he was met with critical and audience praise and as a bonus for his efforts as Batman, Space Ghost won his third Oscar and second the Academy Award for Best Actor.

Moltar, one of Space Ghost's faithful staff, was last seen returning to his home planet, as he told his friend TOM in a garbled transmission. It's unknown what happened to Zorak and Brak, but they were last seen hosting a revival of Cartoon Planet without Ghostal. Harvey Birdman, Ghostal's long time rival, became a lawyer and raised a computer virus. Ghostal's evil twin brother Chad would go on to form an alliance with cartoonist Scott Getchell. Whatever.

See also[edit]