Freakazoid!
“I'm on the Internet”
“He drives the villains crazy, 'CAUSE HE'S A LUNATIC!”
Freakzoid (Slave name is Dexter Freakerton MacDouglas Douglas) is the radical separatist who has committed himself to the SLA (Spielberg Liberation Army). His partner includes Mike Cosgrove in the movement for freedom. He is known for freeing the Smurfs, Blue Man Group, and Skeeter
Early Life[edit]
Born in the land oppression better known as Virginia, Douglas decided to spend his angry toward society by surfing the internets. By mistake he went to a Craig Ferguson website. Seeing the Scottish man so anrgy while telling a joke, Douglas realised that Scotland was under control from England. Douglas wanted to do something about it, but instead decided to watch television.
When he turned on the television and watched the liberal media. After being called upon by Rush Limbaugh to surrender to the terrorists, Douglas took one step futher. Douglas decided to first join an Islamic Militan Group but later realized that he did not speak Islaman. He did the next best thing, and joined the SLA
Joining SLA[edit]
Douglas first need to free himself from the oppression he opposed upon himself. He wore only the red underwear to show his loyalty toward the blood of the innocent. Then to be freed from his own racial doctrinations, he dyed his own skin blue. Then to forget his past of mental slavery, he changed his name to Freakazoid after Haily Freakazoid I of Afrika.
Once in the organization, he worked with former police officer Mike Cogsgrove to overthrow the Clinton regrime in Washington. Cogsgrove was a master of Pointingandtellingthatguytocutitthef**koutjitsu. Freakazoid's style of calling people weenies matched perfectly with Cogsgrove.
Battles[edit]
Freakazoid is known for many battles that promoted the freedom of many different groups
Famous Battles[edit]
After the fall of the Soivet Union, Smurfton won its independence. This soon resulted in ethnic tensions between the Snorks and President Papa Smurf ran a campaign to "smurf ethnic smurfing upon the Snorks." Freakazoid understood that this was not the work of the Smurfs because Papa Smurf won a fake election and used military support from Al-Quada. He then decided to challenge Papa Smurf to a game of Twister Due to the fact that Freakazoid was still wearing his underware, this result into a romantic connection between the two. The next morning the two decided to never speak about it again and to end the genocide.
Not as Famous Battles[edit]
The Blue Men Group were forced to work for the evil empire of Sony. Soon after hearing of the exploits of the musical group, Freakazoid had no choice but to tickle Sony until it let musicans/heroine addicts free from surfdom. Freakazoid had to travel around the world at superhuman speeds to tickle both of the company's armpits (New Jersey and Japan headquarters.) After about 30 seconds of tickling, Sony wet its pants and then gave Blue Man Group its freedom in exchange of not reveiling that it wet its pants until the wetspot dried.
Battles Nobody Knows About[edit]
Skeeter was held hostage by Doug Freakazoid did fight Doug but then backed off when he discovered that he too was wearing underware. The combination of the 2 resulted in that "wierd" kinda feeling. The only way to settle their differce was to have a dance off in Patty Mayonnaise's vagina. Freakazoid did use one his greatest moves, 'Pull it Out and Slap It.' However in the end Doug proved to be the vicory because of his years of experience on that dance floor. Skeeter is still hostage to this date.
Battles Freakazoid does not Know About[edit]
Chuck Norris wondered what would happen if you choked a smurf. Being that there were no Smurfs around at the time, Norris decided to fight Freakazoid. Disturbed but the anwser, Norris traveled back in time to stop the fight from happening again. Freakazoid has no recollection of the fight ever happening.
Super Powers[edit]
In addition to being blue and wearing red underware, Freakazoid has other abilities. Strength, endurance, speed, and agility were easy picks for any superhero, but he wanted to be radical. He has the ablity to withstand television shows such as That 700 Club for 15 seconds and decides what he wants at Taco Bell. These changes make him a powerful and fearsome force for upholding freedom and righteousness, unless he gets distracted by something like a bear riding a motorcycle.
He also has the ability to make Penis Music, a result of being exposed to the Internet for so long without supervision. Clearly, he hasn't been influencing the youth of today. At least one Christian cucumber knows of Freakazoid's existence, and relayed it to his tomato friend, saying, "In the future, humour will be randomly generated."
Enemies[edit]
See Also[edit]
- Captain Planet
- Danny Phantom
- The Tick
- His Blue Balls