Yogi Bear

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Yogi running from the scene of a crime, caught on camera.

Yogi Bear was a master thief known internationally for smuggling priceless valuables in and out of parks in stolen pic-a-nic baskets and into the underground art market. His partner in crime is a small, incontinent bear named Boo Boo who would scope out burglaries as a child's teddy bear. Yogi was evidently "smarter than the average mammalian carnivore", and his feared reputation on the street earned him a Hanna-Barbera Saturday morning cartoon.

Early Career[edit]

Yogi lived in the rough streets of Jellystone National Park. Boo-Boo's family died from a forest fire: which only you could have prevented by putting out your campfire properly and putting out your cigarettes. One day he snapped and killed a visitor trying to get a selfie up close to a bear. Having acquired a taste for man's flesh, Yogi took the visitor's clothes, put them on and started his life of crime, burying his first pic-a-nic filled with cheese and wine at the place where the twos fates and eyes first crossed. The duo started out with just local tourist crimes, like stealing an old lady's cane (while she was using it), and chasing a poor local kid, Billy. The duo became bored with these small time crimes and the two soon left Jellystone, and moved to New York.

The two would pose as exhibits at the natural history museum, than steal everything they could get their paws on. Soon they moved up the criminal ladder into art and antiquities and before you know it Yogi Bear and Boo Boo were on America's Most Wanted. Knowing that they would be recognized, Yogi shaved his hair (minus a mustache), and Boo Boo got a hat, and both got jobs at a Cinnabon and soon enough the FBI arrested Big Foot by mistake. Unfortunately due to their lack of a good education, Yogi wasn't able to give the correct amount of change to the customers, getting him fired.

Biggest Thefts[edit]

Yogi's partner in crime.

Yogi and Boo Boo are quite famous for being the only ones to ever successfully steal the original painting of Leonardo DaVinci's masterpiece, Dogs Playing Poker. He held it at ransom but was ambushed by Interpol. He was able to flee from the scene suffering only a broken ego.

The duo also broke into many tents and campers, hiding jewelry and batteries in a pic-a-nic basket before running off to a new town.

They also looted the bodies of multiple animal control officers and robbed several veterinarians of their medicine cabinets.

Interstate Smuggling Ring[edit]

Yogi is now wanted by park rangers for possession of plastic food containers with intent to distribute and not place them in their proper receptacle. Boo Boo got tagged with a radioactive gas that was supposed to make him easier to track, but it compromised his weak immune system.

Boo Boo's Death[edit]

While in the prison hospital, Boo Boo spent his last days seeking redemption; as even an expert veterinarian specializing in radiation poisoning in bears flying in from Chernobyl couldn't save him. Boo Boo converted to a Pastafarian and hoped to see the great beer volcano in heaven shortly before being read his last rites by strippers.

Yogi swore to never steal again. Without his best friend with him he felt no need and realized that instead of spending life running from the cops spending the stolen money on Magic: The Gathering cards as a cover for their drug dealing on Silk Road for bitcoin to spend at vending machines. If Boo Boo had lived they could have enjoyed the paradisaical national park they both grew up in.

After Prison[edit]

After his release from prison in December 1998, Yogi returned to Jellystone. He lived like he had before: you either get busy living or you get busy dying. It wasn't until he found his first pic-a-nic basket buried under the tree he had found Boo Boo that all the memories swept back to Yogi. He shed a tear before enacting his revenge through grand theft auto and driving Ranger Smith and himself off a cliff.

For you Boo Boo; it was always just the two of us.

See Also[edit]