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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
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Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
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February 6: Nihilism Day
- 4480 BCE - Egypt floods for the 10th time in half as many years causing great destruction. Nihilistic Egyptians do nothing, leaving them in denial.
- 664 BCE - Greek members of the schools of nihilism, skepticism and cynicism are in a violent argument when a earthquake strikes, killing them all. Seeing this, visiting scholars from Germany then create the School of Schadenfreude on the spot, whether they intended to or not.
- 579 - "Yowzah!" would become the popular thing to say throughout the Middle Ages. It would become lost to history until 1922, when it became popular again for about four days.
- 963 - The chirping of early migrating birds irritate nihilists across the world, who do nothing about it.
- 1685 - Charles II of England, like many rich men of his time, chokes on his neck-high stockings and dies of subsequent kidney dysfunction. His death is partially attributed to the fact that instead of calling a doctor, he called to God and possibly ascended to Heaven prematurely.
- 1721 - Bishop Berkeley asks the question: 'If a nihilist falls in the forest and there is no one to hear him, does he make a sound?'
- 1756 - In a remote part of the world, a genius is born. In his head are mathematical formulas and the formation of theories so dense that he, being an infant unable to express himself, bursts into tears. Yet no one bothers with the prodigy, assuming that he is another blood thirsty infant who should be neither seen nor heard. Thus the genius can only sit innocently, waiting for someone to acknowledge him.
- 1868 - Russian nihilists are rounded up and sent to Siberia, but nobody cares. Who's the nihilist now, eh?
- 1937 - The First Worldwide Congress of Existential Nihilism is held in Vienna, Austria. Of course nobody shows up – what did you think?
- 2018 - This last Uncyclopedia anniversary entry remains unfinished because the editor is overcome by sloth, not nihilism, not that he even knows the differe
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