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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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September 20: Sexual Innuendo Day, Sophia's Birthday, International Talk Like a Landlubber Day
- 20,000,000 BCE Formation of the Amazon rainforest, a warm, wet, lush, dripping virgin jungle.
- 30,000 BCE Oonak of the Tribe of the Wolf tells Nooma of the People of the Lake that he's got a big, thick woody club back in his cave that he'd love to show her, inventing sexual innuendo.
- 1187 - Saladin begins a siege on Jerusalem, hoping he can create a crevice in the walls and then forcefully insert his troops.
- 1519 - Ferdinand Magellan sets sail from Sanlúcar de Barrameda on a long, hard, drawn out expedition to circumnavigate the globe, with about 270 seamen.
- 1815 - First railroad tunnel finishes construction. It is tested by running a train in and out of it repeatedly.
- 1837 - Rugby is invented. It is a game played by burly men with odd-shaped balls.
- 1920 - Strawberry ice cream invented. Strong sales are seen for this soft, wet, pink dessert.
- 1930 - Workers struggle to erect the mighty tower of the Empire State Building.
- 1934 - Sophia Loren born. Assume the Position of Reverence by kneeling and lowering your eyes.
- 1939 - Second World War declared. Churchill states in his first War-time speech: "We're going to be up against stiff opposition, and what we as a nation will experience in the coming months is going to be long and hard."
- 1940 - First printing of "Biggles Goes Down".
- 1940 - Allies get access to Japanese military intelligence after the Japanese "Purple" code is decrypted by Genevieve Grotjan, a cunning linguist.
- 1942 - Werner Von Braun continues work perfecting the V-2 rocket. The V-2 is designed to burn ethanol and liquid oxygen, causing exhaust to spurt out of the nozzle, generating prolonged, forceful thrust.
- 2005 - Israel pulls out of Palestine.
- 2006 - Work continues on the Tautona gold mine in South Africa. Extending three miles underground, this mine holds the record for the world's longest shaft. Plans are being drawn up to plunge the shaft still deeper into the womb of the Earth.
- 2006 - President Bush's attempts to quell the violence in Iraq prove impotent, making his presidency look increasingly limp and flaccid. He insists this is the "first time this has happened to me".
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