| The literal and inerrant encyclopedia you can trust.
Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the too-liberal Conservapedia here.
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
|
Breaking News
|
 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
|
July 12 Feast of Peter and Paul (Catholic Church), Feast of a Thousand Lasagnas (Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster) (pictured)
- 995 - The Feast of Peter and Paul is established on the church calendar where believers must gorge themselves on Mounds and Almond Joy candy bars. This coincidentally happens just a week after the Catholic Church acquires a 51% stake in all candy companies.
- 1238 - The Feast of a Thousand Lasagnas is interrupted by breakaway sects advocating the use of regular sausage in lasagnas. After visions of the Flying Spaghetti Monster battling the spectre of Intelligent Design are seen throughout the world, the sects realign themselves more closely to the main church and name themselves The FSM Church of the Well-Shaken Colander.
- 1239 - The last pan from the Feast of a Thousand Lasagnas is finally scrubbed clean and put away.
- 1491 - Columbus accidentally jumps the gun and sails west, landing at Lagos, Spain. He captures all its residents and sells them into slavery, but not before infecting them with various diseases.
- 1870 - In the midst of high school, and without the convenience of LiveJournal, Oscar Wilde expresses his angst and sorrow by composing the poems Poems. In the future, most high school students would keep the volume close at hand, using it mostly as a fan or a drink coaster.
- 1917 - The Bisbee Deportation occurs as vigilantes kidnap and deport nearly 1,300 minors from Bisbee, Arizona. The children are forced to wander the Arizona desert in search of shelter and sustenence following in the path of hundreds of miners previously deported.
- 1973 - There's a starman waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet us but he thinks he'll blow our minds.
- 1993 - The sale of Chex Mix is officially banned in the United States after disturbing trends regarding improper usage come to light.
- 1998 - Icelandic megastar Björk is arrested for allegedly causing several thousand dollars worth of damage to an Icelandic bed and breakfast. She is later acquitted after testifying "I am the round and the square, the ocean is sea."
- 2004 - Harold and Kumar finally make it to White Castle.
- 2008 - The United States presidential race heats up, as Senator John McCain reveals his platform and begins intensive campaigning.
|
|
Writer and Noob of the Month
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
|
|
