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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the too-liberal Conservapedia here.
Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
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Breaking News
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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March 1: National Day of the Grue
- 390,000,000 BC - A meteor carrying a portion of the dispersed Gruesømellæ germ culture crashes on Earth, killing Chuck Norris.
- 64,000,000 BC - Gruesømellithicus roams the plains, waiting for unsuspecting tourists.
- 32 CE - Jesus gets eaten by a metaphysical grue. He is then raised by his heavenly Father, only to be killed by trichinosis.
- 1349 - Jack the Ripper's antique collection of Mongolian grues is featured in Forbes Magazine. This, according to Tony Blair, 'does not compute', although he said that about most things.
- 1644 - A toymaker builds a wooden grue puppet which comes alive and wishes it was a real live grue. Being made of wood would not stop it from eating the toymaker, a cricket and a blue fairy.
- 1632 - Gruel is invented by the grues of London to morph English orphans into grues after long periods of eating it. This plot might have worked, since after 1692, all British orphans disappear.
- 1984 - Plåygrue releases its first copy; the said copy is later eaten by a grue.
- 1985 - Landmark decision in Some v. Pestilence: court rules a person eaten by a grue cannot be held legally responsible for death or injury related to ingestion.
- 1997 - Scientists develop grue-proof armor, and promptly get eaten by Eurgs.
- 1999 - Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a grue onstage, is promptly ignored as just another geek sideshow act.
- 2005 - Wales defeat the grues 11-9 in a massive Six Nations Rugby upset. Unfortunately, the Welsh side are shortly after eaten by said grues.
- 2006 - 'You are likely to be eaten by a grue' fever sweeps the nation as grues sweep the nation.
- AD 2101 - War begins as cats battle the grues for control of the earth. The legendary build-a-grue workshop opens during this time period.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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