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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the too-liberal Conservapedia here.
Today's featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.
At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.
 Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany. After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)
St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)
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Breaking News
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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December 29: Oh No You Fucking Don't Day
- In the beginning - After too many Russian reversal jokes, God turns the key and resets the universe to start the Big Bang all over again. In the process, coding for wonderful broxilopes and much-needed florpiness is lost forever.
- In the beginning - After one too many bad fake Oscar Wilde quotes, God once again hits the reset button and starts the Big Bang once again. This time, the quotes have already reached critical mass and fail to die. God then decides to punish the writers by creating killer bees, Rasberry Crazy Ants and Andy Dick.
- In the beginning - After too many Chuck Norris jokes, God turns the key and resets the universe to start the Big Bang all over again. He then allows perpetual stupidity and constant warfare, which only leads to more Chuck Norris jokes.
- 1434 - At the instigation of Gavin Menzies, Egyptians build the imaginary Suez Canal to allow the imaginary branch of the Grand Chinese Fleet to reach imaginary Italy in order to resupply themselves with imaginary noodles.
- 1491 - Amerigo Vespucci tries to hide in a back booth in a crowded restaurant, but Columbus is still able to discover Amerigo.
- 1532 - Children of Orthodox Christians start looking forward to Christmas which for them is sometime in the next 3 months.
- 1833 - Great Britain abolishes slavery, replacing it with a boot on the back of the neck. Belgium soon follows suit though still allows slavery of people whose names they can't pronounce.
- 1968 - Lemmings revolt and turn the tables, pushing Disney bulldozers over cliffs.
- 1981 - Bimbos officially become sluts.
- 1990 - The Monument to the Unknown Man With Plastic Shopping Bag is dedicated. Singlehanded, he stopped a column of tanks on their way to literally crush the 1989 Tiananmen Square protest. In later years he would be castigated for not using a recyclable bag and the memorial would be paved over for a Walmart parking lot.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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