| The literal and inerrant encyclopedia you can trust.
Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the too-liberal Conservapedia here.
Today's featured article – Windows XP
Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.
 If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)
Previously featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)
|
Breaking News
|
 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
|
March 9: It's Raining All Over the World Day, even though it isn't
- 40,000 BCE - God sends rain on the just and on the unjust, creating a very wet Captain Obvious in the process.
- 6565 BCE - Noah just begins to wash his chariot when he starts to feel drops of rain.
- 506 BCE - Pythagoras invents the mud pie.
- 375 BCE - Aristotle discovers that when it rains, one gets wet standing outside. Paddington Bear explains to him how to stay dry but only gets into a lifelong feud with Aristotle.
- 21 CE - The collapsible umbrella is invented. Ironically, thousands would drown waiting in line to buy one during a terrible storm.
- 1042 - Mott and bailey castles fall out of favor when Mott and Bailey go their separate ways.
- 1346 - The English defeat the French at the Battle of Crécy, when French knights stand for hours in falling rain and rust to death.
- 1679 - Isaac Newton invents gravity for apples.
- 1891 - Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison fight over AC/DC, B&D and AT&T.
- 1934 - Scotland has its first rainless day in ages. Nessie surfaces to see what's wrong and gets her picture taken.
- 1940 - 9-year-old future Watergate burglar Gordon Liddy stands on a roof during a severe storm to cure his fear of thunder and lightning. The resulting pneumonia would shrink his brain to the size of a walnut, making him perfect for a job in law enforcement and later, radio.
- 1965 - Prince Rainier of Monaco goes to Mt. Rainier to see which one is.
- 2017 - Pres. Donald Trump is rescued by Secret Service agents when he stands outside the White House looking up with his mouth open during a heavy rainstorm.
|
|
Writer and Noob of the Month
|
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
|
|
