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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
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Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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November 1: International Destroy Tokyo Day
- 1053 - Birthday of Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster. Every year Nessie celebrates by not having her picture taken, then destroying Tokyo.
- 1512 - Michelangelo completes the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel; his wife complains that if he carries on at the same rate the wallpaper won't be up for Christmas, when she's invited her sister around. They have a row and she storms out, Valezquez and Raphael come around, crack open a few beers and then destroy Tokyo.
- 1950 - A series of horrific experiments to re-animate dead tissue result in the creation of Joseph Ratzinger. Tokyo is found destroyed a few days later.
- 1952 - As part of the weapons program Operation Ivy, the U.S. successfully detonates a 10 megaton hydrogen bomb in Eniwetok atoll, located in the Marshall Islands. Most historians regard this as Godzilla's birthday. Godzilla celebrates it every year by attempting to destroy Tokyo, or, if Tokyo is under attack from another monster, by saving Tokyo.
- 1952 - The next day, a loophole is discovered in that once Godzilla saves Tokyo, it is once again not under attack from another monster. Therefore, by the transitive property, if another monster attacks Tokyo, Godzilla destroys Tokyo.
- 1953 - Mothra hatches from an egg, then destroys Tokyo.
- 1957 - Mothra finishes metamorphosis and changes from a destructive silkworm to a beautiful butterfly. Then it destroys Tokyo.
- 1959 - An evil cult performs a dark ritual that results in the birth of one of the most terrifying monsters of all time: Dick Cheney. Cheney promptly goes out and destroys Tokyo.
- 2005 - Fisher Price is created. An innocent child uses one of his toys to destroy Tokyo. Child is no longer innocent.
- 2023 - In a major upset, the Dolphins win the Superbowl. The team and its seventeen fans celebrate by destroying Tokyo.
- 2157 - Using their newly invented time machine, scientists of Tokyo look into the future to predict when Tokyo will next be destroyed. The day before it is, they take initiative and destroy themselves to piss off the would-be destroyers. With Tokyo destroyed by Tokyo, the world is happy. There is much rejoicing.
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