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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the too-liberal Conservapedia here.
Today's featured article – Alexander IV
Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.
Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.
Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)
Previously featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)
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Breaking News
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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June 29: Make Crude Jokes About Genitals Day
 - 34CE - Ducks first start making jokes about their corkscrew genitalia.
- 1034 - Court eunuchs in China spend a quiet day with nothing to say.
- 1194 - Sverre is crowned King of Norway, beginning a long reign of Danish kings with unpronounceable names.
- 1542 - The comic strip Calvin and Hobbes debuts, lightheartedly poking fun at such contemporary topics as the Protestant Reformation. (pictured)
- 1758 - Edmond Halley patents Halley's Comet, charging everyone who sees it three pence. He makes only about 5/- but hopes for more the next time the comet returns.
- 1807 - Sharks curiously stop making jokes about human genitals before they attack people.
- 1884 - The Picture of Dorian Gray is released by Oscar Wilde, consisting largely of crude jokes about genitals.
- 1939 - The Colonel Bogey March is originally written to be sung by castrotti.
- 1965 - The auto accident starting the "Paul is dead" hoax occurs in England. It is actually the other 3 Beatles who die.
- 1972 - The U.S. Supreme Court rules the death penalty could constitute 'cruel and unusual punishment', particularly the more outlandish methods of carrying out the sentence, such as Texas' legendary alligator tank.
- 1985 - Your mom sees my wiener for the eightieth time. And likes it as much as she did the first time.
- 1986 - I discover my mom likes your weiner because she collects McDonald's coffee stirrers.
- 1999 - Prince continues to party.
- 2009 - Millions of Americans suffering from insomnia are miraculously cured when Jimmy Fallon receives his own late night talk show.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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