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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the too-liberal Conservapedia here.
Today's featured article – Minotaur
The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity.
The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul.
The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts.
Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...)
Previously featured article – The Witcher
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Breaking News
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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September 11: International Worst Inventions Ever Day
- 13,800,000,000 BCE Universe invented. Previous universe wiped out due to Large Hadron Collider collision.
- 3000 BCE - Egyptians invent papyrus. Moments later, the paper cut is invented. Still some moments later, some pretty expressive swear words are invented.
- 33 CE - Judas invents the noose while just hanging around.
- 100 CE - Romans invent the wedgie to torment Christians.
- 911 - Nostradamus, having predicted 9/11, invents the telephone number 911.
- 1753 - An Oxford University student invents the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.
- 1883 - The Worst Invention of the Year is a tossup between Islamic Fundamentalism (Middle East) and Christian Fundamentalism (United States).
- 1934 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky invents the helicopter ejection seat.
- 1939 - Inspired by an awful experience at summer camp, Hitler invents his own franchise of camps.
- 1945 - Morning After Pill not yet invented; George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush invent George W.
- 1961 - Hair scientists invent the mullet (pictured). The nesting bird population increases dramatically.
- 1968 - The internet is developed, sporting six-pack abs and huge rockets and not an ounce of fat. However, 30 years later...
- 1972 - Construction of the Trans-Amazonian Highway is completed. Lesbian Amazonians are slightly miffed.
- 1981 - Road rage is invented when the Trans-Amazonian Highway is extended through your cubicle.
- 2001 - An aircraft magnet is accidently turned on in the Pentagon.
- 2001 - Osama Bin Laden invents the world's first airplane/building
hybrid
- 2001 - American Airlines mysteriously loses 2 planes.
- 2002 - Emo movement is saddened but remains vaguely hopeful when it is invented.
- 2002 - The White House invents WMD.
- 2006 - An antigovernment father spends the day without turning on TV or radio, insisting that he doesn't want to hear about what happened five years ago, but in truth, hasn't paid the electricity bill.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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