Fat disabled women
Fat disabled women are women whose sizes range from an 18 slightly bloated, to an XXXL 52 obese. They are commonly graded with the three F's. Fat, Female and Forty.
The cult, which started as an excuse for depression in the United States, has spread like wildfire across borders or boundaries. The advent of using computers for desktop publishing, accounts, management, and as an alternative to dating, has seen an exponential rise in numbers. Generally, the transformation starts in a woman's early twenties after they first hook a young sapper or other naive sod to do the business.
Once the council home is provided and fully funded by the taxpayer, the real work begins. First, with the first two or three offspring off the ventilator, they claim disability benefits, then usually stop dragging the 'other half' back from the pub and establish independence for their kids. By eight or nine, when the kids can fend for themselves, 'nights in' or girlie pub crawls take hold. (Well they've gotta have a life 'n' that.)
Britain has has seen a dramatic rise of impatient youngsters bloating at an earlier age ('trying to be like mum') that has even attracted the attention of Jamie Oliver and the British Government. Approximately 6% of GDP is spent annually by them on related products supporting the condition. These range from the 'bloated feeling' food supplements to 'over dunnit' antacids, and equally huge range of takeaway-ready meals designed to replace any cooking.
Habitats[edit]
As a permissive maturing teen, they might be seen pulling any squaddie or willing pikey that will shag them, and often out 'with the lads' refining social skills at places of repute. Once qualified as a 'slapper' they will often hone their skills on any of the willing Johnie Ghurka's who are always willing to pay for a shag with a fat tart.
They tend to 'spread' from the country's major declining towns and cities.
In their later years (about mid to late twenties) they can be seen in every office, behind every monitor of every school, Government Dept. civil service, administrative center, hospital information desk, lottery stand and even supermarket. Without them Britain would simply grind to a halt for five minutes. If you want to know where your taxes go, your extra 'service' charges, fines and other fees it simply funds the wages of these useless fat fuckers who would otherwise be rolling round the sofa all day on their lardy fat arses, claiming disability benefits.
Careers[edit]
In later years, they appear in prominent positions of 'importance,' where they screw up despite not doing any real work, all with a great sense of achievement. This is often at a place where your sensitive personal data is at hand, so that your sad personal life can amusingly distract their minds from their own sad personal lives.
They now 'stretch' into the highest of elite politics and morning television and even banking. From voluntary social positions such as information providers at hospital help desks, doctor and dental surgeries, citizens' advice centers.
However, non-wage-paying positions are still popular, as they have to be there with a cup of tea and biscuit to hand where they can still do most damage having a good old natter about who they could have shagged if they had wanted, the night before, and usually at peak hours for greater effect and maximum delay. Other senior positions include in the local government, local/regional agencies, and political parties, where experience and skills are not needed. Their favorite locations involve the planning of road signage and traffic control, social services, and designating town centers and historic districts.
With recent changes to public attitudes toward real work, they are seen less in production and manufacturing facilities, partly by their refusal to get their hands dirty in low-paid employment, but also when the suffragette movement opened up many non-careers doing bugger-all but manipulate others in the belief that they are improving society. For example, fat disabled women are over-represented in the push for loosening of pub closing hours to favour around-the-clock drinking.
Re-entering the work force after dragging up several kids as a single mother is a natural progression that gives them not only better understanding of complex claims forms, but also the twisted bitterness required to progress up the career ladder from unproductive clerk to layabout manager. Fat disabled women overwhelmingly enforce regulations on political correctness and hiring quotas, benefitting their own class not the least.
In the late stages, they leave the 'work' force and concentrate on bogus claims for subjective damages at insurance and industrial tribunals. Several like-minded fat luvvies can support one another and collect on claims of many hundreds of thousands of 'pounds.' They may file claims for permanent emotional damage from sexual harassment — profound cases of wishful thinking — overexertion from racing to the canteen, and Repetitive Strain Injuries (RSI), usually involving the jaw.
Looks[edit]
Of course not all of them are ugly from birth, many depend on breast augmentation or have lipo suction on the foreheads. This creates the depression, so fashionable nowadays that leaves the unaffected top lip looking larger than normal and commonly termed a 'trout pout'.
A series of genetic abnormalities creates a concoction of excuses for the condition. discoveries have been made, apparently, that explains these natural phenomenon in women. Of course some have genuine disabilities, but the majority only believe they do, and are actually refused acceptance from the British Olympic para Olympic team.
Medical intervention[edit]
With the marvels of modern medical science, extra large sweat glands, big bones, hormones, allergies to housework, in grown toenails, and even the ridicules "my clothes shrank in the wash" (As if these darlings washed anything? ) are fables blamed for the condition. Of course the real reason for the excess, is a condition known as laziness, with secondary symptoms of obsessive eating anything disorder.
Generally the three F's like to gorge on ready meals and products that are high in fats and simple sugars promising all sorts of diets next week. This creates the carbohydrate cravings that give rise to, first obsession with cakes and doughnuts and other fat inducing foods. Followed by the intoxicating effect of hyperglycemia which gives rise to the Sloth like condition. The more complex sugars are those found in food that contain three or more linked sugars. That's why eating just one packet of biscuits cannot be completed without eating the other two, or one family bag of crisps per sitting is never enough. Like one bottle of cola or tray of pies and pasties per binge.
Aspirations[edit]
Often the species is in total denial, hence the phrase 'Does my bum look big in this' which can cause confusion to innocent bystanders. They are often seen outside of local schools, place of work or Tesco's and when not shopping or eating in, and will always be behind the wheel driving a car. None of them are capable of physical effort like walking, apparently.
Sadly and unbeknown to insurance underwriters or statistical surveys, who mostly employ three f's, nearly 98% of all accidents can be attributed to them. Generally, this is down to poor visibility through limited head movement, and also that they don't give a shit while shoveling on layers of make-up at the wheel or screaming at their kids on their mobile phones.
Of course the pinnacle of ambition for many of them and their off-spring, is to appear on at least one episode of Ricky Lake, or the Jeremy Kyle show 'wiv there problums, init'.
Ironically, due to their equally bloated salaries, 2nd income, or compensation windfall they will be surprisingly and often seen posing and on the pull in very respectable vehicles. Usually parked outside schools drop offs, McDonald's & cake shops, charity shops or designer clothes shops with their equally fat kids.
This is to reinforce their belief and self denial they are normal, and they really are hot babes trapped in the wrong body. With an arse the size of a hippo.
