Spacebar

$SpacebarA.K.A.alt+0160$

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Spacebar.

“Whatdoesthatbiglongthingatthebottomofthekeyboarddo?”
~ SomeGuy on Spacebar

“Whoooa!Thislongthingatthebottomofthekeyboard'ssurenice!”
~ Anotherguy on Spacebar

“That'swhatshesaid”
~ SomeGuy on thepreviousquotation

“That'swhereIwenttocelebratetheApolloMissions.”
~ NeilArmstrong on Spacebar?Oh,it'sa u--Igetit.

“ ”
~ Spacebar on Spacebar

“Help!Myspacebarisbroken!”
~ SomeGuy

“Hey!_A_new_use_for_the_underscore_key!”
~ SomeGuy, five seconds later

“Ohno!Thatbroketoo!”
~ SomeGuy, five minutes later

TheSpaceBar[edit]

T h e S p a c e b a r , a . k . a . t h e C o s m i c p u b i s a s o r t o f i n t e r g a l a c t i c pub. It'swherethescumofthe galaxycomeand drink.TheSpacebarislocatedattheotherendoftheuniverseas theRestaurantattheEndoftheUniverse.Theoddmistakentravelbrochuretothecontrary,th isdoesnotmeanthattheSpacebarislocatedatthebeginningoftheuniverse,eithertemporallyorspatially.Theyareownedbythesamecompany,Intergalac ticHospitalityGroup,(whoalsoownthePlutoHilton).

Gettingdrunkatthespacebar!

EverybodyknowsyournametherebecauseeveryonewhogoestheremustchangetheirnametoSusan.

SpacebarisaletteroftheEnglishAlphabet.Spacebarispronunciationofthe28letterofthealphabet,#####.Itisalsooneofthemostusefulkeysonthekeyboard Itislocatednexttothetimebar.

SomepeopleareunabletousethespacebarastheysufferfromBrokenSpaceBarDisorder.

Thespacebarwasdesignedtobethelongestpubinthegalaxy,farfarlongerthanyouraveragepunykey,toattractmoreclientelle.Itisasadfactthatpeople stillmissitswhereaboutsandendupdrinkinginlowerqualitydrinkingholes,liketheescapekey.

SpaceBarisalsoacandybar.Itconsistsmainlyofemptyspaceanddoesn'toffermuchsatisfactiontothetastebuds.3/10.

TheSpacebarisalsoauniversalsemencollectorandmarketingployformicrosoft,asitoftengetsstuckbetweenthekeysandyouhavetobuyanewkeyboardbe causetheoldoneistoogummedup.

PresidentSpaceBar[edit]

SpaceBar,bornBackspaceBarrShiftkey,wastheVice-Presidentfortheever-controversialEscapeKey,whowasthe5thand20thpresidentoftheUnitedStates.Aftertheconclusionofhisterm,BarspentsometimeattheBettyFordRehab CenterandtheHalliburtonBoardofDirectors,arecreationalcomplexforex-vice-presidents.

TheLife,Times,andDividesofSpaceBar

Barworkedhardonthefieldoftransmogrification,specializinginthetransformationoffooditemsintoanimalswithspecifictemperaturesandtheconversionof mildlyentertainingrockbandsintoelectronicdevicesandbodyparts,aswellastheatricalpieces,againwithcustomizedtemperatureconditions.Mostnotab lyinhiscareerwerehisworksonhotdogs,RadioheadsandColdplays.

SeveralcompanieslobbiedagainsttheworksofSpaceBar,includingMicroSoft,AltaVista,BlauPunktandHoneyWell.Duringhistermasvice-president,healsoenduredadiplomaticcrisiswiththeGermangoverment,knownforitsabuseoftermssuchasdieRidikulouslongwortanddasWirdontlikensp acen.

FunfactsaboutSpaceBar[edit]

Hisfavoritenumberis42.
Middlesonoffourbrothers:Alt,Space,AltGrandEpsteinBar.
BrotherofBeatlesdrummer,RingoShift(néeRichardShiftkey)
SpaceBaralwaysbinds'Shoot'-actiontotheSpaceBar,andnotthemorecommon'Jump'-action.
InSovietRussia,barspacesYOU!!
OneofthreepeopleinAmericabelievesthat'Spacebar'isachocolatebar,INSPACE.
Spacebarispronouncedspa-SEE-bah(specialthankstoMicrosoftSam)
providesapleasurablefeelingwhenyoupressit
InventedbyWilliamWordsworth

Hejustcan'ttypeproperly.

Computerspacebar[edit]

Thespacebarisakeyonacomputerkeyboardthatstopswordsfromcrashingtogether. Whenthishappensitcanbeveryawkwardtoreadthetextandcausesdiscomforttotheviewer. Thespacebaristraditionallyplacedsothatitcanbeeasilyaccessedbyeitherhand,orbyeitherthumbinthecaseoftouchtyping. Itisuniqueinbeingtheonlykeyonthekeyboardthatcanbereliablyoperatedbycats-theirpawsaremuchtoolargeforeveryotherkeyandusuallyenduptypingthingslike

uoikj

or

erd5f

Manypeoplesuggestthatopposoblethumbsmakepressingthespacebareasier,thoughmanystudieshaveshownthatthisissimplynottrue. Thisisnotparticularlysurprisingasthistheoryismainlystipulatedbycats,thebastards.

Now,pleasehammeronthespacebartocontinue.Spacebarabuseispunishablebylawandyourlogicalsentincewilllooklikea10yearoldtypedit.

Letters of the Alphabet:
Sleep		Web browser				Email					Prev				Play				Stop				Next				Mute				Volume up					Volume down					CTRL-ALT-DEL		Launch Nuke	LOL!			Produced by N o b o d y c a r e s ®
Esc	empty space			TV			F1			F2			F3			F4					F5			F6			F7			F8					F9			F10			F11	F12			F13			PrtSc SysRq	ScLk	Pause Break	Lose Weight

~ `	! 1			@ 2			£ 3			$ 4			% 5			^ 6			& 7			* 8			( 9			) 0			_ -			+ =			←Bkspc						Ins	Home	PgUp	Num	/	*	-
Tab↔			Q			W			E			R			T			Y			U			I			O			P			{ [			} ]			\| \				Del	End	Pg Dn	7	8	9	+
Caps				A			S			D			F			G			H			J			K			L			: ;			" '			←Enter						Oh, SHIT!	Any	Duh	4	5	6	+
↑Shift					Z			X			C			V			B			N			M			< ,			> .			? /			↓Shift									↑		1	2	3	Ent
Ctrl		FN								Alt				s p a c e b a r														Alt Gr								⌘				Ctrl			←	↓	→	0		.	Ent

SpaceBarIsNotSpaCebar[edit]

ManyhaverumoredthatSpaceBarisinfactSpaCebarbutthosepeopleareprettydrunkmostofthetimeandalsothinkDouglasAdamswroteHamlet.

Seealso[edit]

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