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There are currently 37,407 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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March 9: It's Raining All Over the World Day, even though it isn't
- 40,000 BCE - God sends rain on the just and on the unjust, creating a very wet Captain Obvious in the process.
- 6565 BCE - Noah just begins to wash his chariot when he starts to feel drops of rain.
- 506 BCE - Pythagoras invents the mud pie.
- 375 BCE - Aristotle discovers that when it rains, one gets wet standing outside. Paddington Bear explains to him how to stay dry but only gets into a lifelong feud with Aristotle.
- 21 CE - The collapsible umbrella is invented. Ironically, thousands would drown waiting in line to buy one during a terrible storm.
- 1042 - Mott and bailey castles fall out of favor when Mott and Bailey go their separate ways.
- 1346 - The English defeat the French at the Battle of Crécy, when French knights stand for hours in falling rain and rust to death.
- 1679 - Isaac Newton invents gravity for apples.
- 1891 - Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison fight over AC/DC, B&D and AT&T.
- 1934 - Scotland has its first rainless day in ages. Nessie surfaces to see what's wrong and gets her picture taken.
- 1940 - 9-year-old future Watergate burglar Gordon Liddy stands on a roof during a severe storm to cure his fear of thunder and lightning. The resulting pneumonia would shrink his brain to the size of a walnut, making him perfect for a job in law enforcement and later, radio.
- 1965 - Prince Rainier of Monaco goes to Mt. Rainier to see which one is.
- 2017 - Pres. Donald Trump is rescued by Secret Service agents when he stands outside the White House looking up with his mouth open during a heavy rainstorm.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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