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There are currently 37,404 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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July 31: Feast of St. Leslie Nielsen
- 118 - The wheelbarrow is invented in China even though its use in Jackass-style videos would not be realized until the 2000s.
- 781 - The oldest recorded eruption of noted volcano Mt. Fuji occurs, raining the Japanese countryside with scorched lenses and bits of charred film.
- 1498 - Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western Hemisphere, still refuses to ask for directions to India.
- 1577 - Newspapers are invented. No longer are two strong men required to throw town criers onto people's doorsteps.
- 1588 - The Spanish Armada is spotted off of England; very few were expecting said Inquisition.
- 1829 - Andrew Jackson invents baloney by instituting the spoils system of government.
- 1919 - Germany's Weimar Constitution and Other Fables is penned.
- 1921 - The International Astronomical and Astrological Society dubs Gemini to be the most revered of all constellations. (pictured)
- 1947 - Leslie Nielsen pushes Richard Widmark in a wheelchair with O.J. Simpson sitting on Widmark's lap down a flight of stairs in the film Kiss of Death.
- 1948 - Jingo Grand Championship: India headbutts the UK negating its win of 1858. Mahatma Gandhi is named player of the year and becomes the first to claim "I'm going to Disney World".
- 1956 - Leslie Nielsen is canonized for his miraculous quick draw in vaporizing an attacking tiger and also stealing the girl away from his men on the planet Altair IV, named for the personal computer.
- 1992 - Harry Potter is born and proves to be a whizzer from the start.
- 3491 - Third Robot invasion of U.S. capital Grand Forks, North Dakota is repelled by soldiers under the leadership of Mecha-President George Bush XXVI.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
Oh my god! There are no more days it's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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