From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
There are currently 37,351 souls in our warehouse. |
|
|
|
|
Today's featured satanist
|
|
n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
|
Did you kill...
|
- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
|
|
In the pit
|
|
|
On this day...
|
|
October 9: Weasel Day
- 2349 BCE - The proto-badger, a distant relative of the weasel, goes extinct when Noah tosses the only surviving pair off the ark for stealing his yams.
- 942 - Weasel stomping in invented in Anglo-Saxon England.
- 1086 - The Domesday Book notes the average price of a stoat at 1 groat.
- 1490 - Leonardo da Vinci paints Lady With an Ermine, the first mustelid pre-photobombing recorded in the West.
- 1674 - Issac Newton discovers Weaselpudge. Nobody cares.
- 1754 - It is alleged by some that on this supposed day, weasel words were probably invented or perhaps created.
- 1862 - The Cheasel is invented.
- 1872 - Rudolf Weasel changes his last name to Diesel. The rest is history.
- 1881 - The Japanese Stomping Fish, which has nothing to do with weasels, is discovered.
- 1899 - Pop Goes the Weasel is licensed for every jack-in-the-box toy. Small children drive their parents insane playing the tune, leading to the Second Boer War.
- 1930 - Nazis adopt the Horst-Weasel song as their anthem.
- 1937 - The Spleen weasel is discovered in Paris, France, without rioting for a welcome change.
- 1938 - The Disney film Snow White is released in Europe with the song Weasel While You Work. Parisians take it personally and rioting ensues during the intermission.
- 1940 - John Lennon is born, and promptly marries a weasel.
- 1961 - Ferret racing is invented in Australia. It is not held where you think it might.
- 2007 - A woman gives birth to a weasel. This will grow up to be the Antiweasel, signalling the end of the world. People will be forced to carry the mark of the Beast on their foreheads, which will be a weasel word, theoretically.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Satanist and Imp of the Month
|
|
Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
|
|
The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
|
Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,351 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Protected by the Devil himself, and an elite clan of Demons.
