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There are currently 37,405 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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June 13: Double Entendre Day *wink wink*
- 1891 - A horse walks into a bar for first time. Historians are not sure if he was a little horse.
- 1898 - A chicken "crosses the road" for the first time, but the event goes unnoticed by the media except for the news truck that ran it over.
- 1954 - A priest, rabbi and a minister walk into a bar, an event also unnoticed by media due to lame double entendre jokes that follow.
- 1955 - Martin McFly goes "back to the future" where things are "heavy" and Oedipal projection problems develop, requiring playing of Johnny B. Goode before it is written.
- 1956 - The word "whoa" is uttered the first time in history by a man seeing the worlds most beautiful woman completely naked being eaten by a giant robot octopus skateboarding out of a burning helicopter.
- 1967 - Thurgood Marshall "joins" the Supremes. The newly augmented group shortly releases their next album, For Great Justice.
- 1974 - A blonde agrees to a double entendre on the condition that all participants use protection.
- 1979 - George Lucas "releases" his biggest movie.
- 1981 - Quotation marks become "compulsory" to denote double entendres. Everybody "agrees" to this new law. Some "people" oppose the "abuse" of the "quotation" mark, obtaining a null "support" from the media (wink, wink, double wink).
- 1982 - Magic Johnson "roots" Yao Ming, gets AIDS.
- 1983 - Pioneer 10 becomes the first "man-made" object" to "pass the orbit" of Pluto. Uncyclopedian avoids easy Uranus joke.
- 1985 - Martin McFly comes "back from the future". Girlfriend "likes his truck" and McFly "gets his truck waxed".
- 1997 - A woman enters into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre. And the barman "gives her one".
- 2000 - World's first self-reflexive "double entendre" is created.
- 2000 - George W. Bush makes one of his hundreds of speeches to "help" America (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).
- 2004 - A woman pulls in to a gas station and asks the attendant to "fill her up". Attendant sells her some petrol. Opportunity for double entendre is missed, attendant is lynched.
- 2005 - Captain Crunch "promoted" to admiral for "services" to the nation.
- 2007 - A woman walks into a bar, but faints before the barman can make a double entendre. Woman is taken to hospital. Doctor tries desperately to save the double entendre that could have been, but sadly fails and the woman dies.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
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