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There are currently 37,404 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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August 13: Welcome Visitors From Space Day
- 66 million BCE - A meteor impact wipes out the dinosaurs, with tiny mammals learning to either smile or laugh at them after the dust clears.
- 4200 BCE - Egyptians spoof future generations by faking artwork of spaceships and aliens during the reign of Jaye Davidson I.
- 3331 BCE - Space aliens drop giant pyramids on Egypt as a prank during a massive drought when they find no crops in which to make circles.
- 2207 BCE - Elijah attempts to ascend to heaven in a spaceship but is taken off forcibly by United Airlines personnel for being "too beardy".
- 1536 BCE - Moses invents waterskiing and the stunt waterskiing pyramid to cross the Red Sea.
- 457 BCE - Mayans who are also in on the joke fake artwork showing spaceships, knowing that their descendants could make a good living selling fake artifacts to gullible UFOlogists.
- 1620 - The Pilgrim Fathers eagerly await the landing of aliens from outer space, otherwise spending their free time attacking and murdering Quakers and Indians, in no particular order.
- c.1680 - Space aliens give Belgians the technology to develop a death ray weapon to gain their independence from Spain. It turns out to be a great way to fry potatoes, too. Sadly, this would only lead to to war with France over the term "French fries".
- 1898 - The first case of alien abduction occurs with blue aliens kidnapping some green ones.
- 1940 - Great Britain installs the first radar station to detect alien spacecraft. Upon finding that German bombers get tangled in the antenna arrays, they build more.
- 1947 - The first flying saucer is reported. Previous alien craft were reported as being wheel-, horse-, ocean liner- or cigar-shaped.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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