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There are currently 37,356 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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October 30: Halloweve (eve of Halloween).
- 954 BCE - Romulus holds the first toga party. Remus, who favors bikini briefs and Cat in the Hat hats, is not invited, causing the first rift between the two.
- 358 - The Mayans begin to give handmade chocolates as gifts. The practice is superseded by human sacrifice of those found to be allergic.
- 1622 - The first American Halloween is celebrated early when an Indian knocks on a Pilgrim's door and gets a musket ball.
- 1806 - Children finally figure out they should ask for treats before pranking householders. It proves to be much easier than the previous sifting through burnt wreckage of houses for candy.
- 1813 - Naturalist James Audubon observes massive flocks of passenger pigeons firsthand and up close. The next time time he does, he wears a large hat, an overcoat and heavy boots.
- 1844 - Popcorn balls are invented. Popcorn was genderless before this date.
- 1873 - Chester Greenwood invents earmuffs to prevent his ears from barking loudly in public.
- 1902 - Chickens go on strike after being made to work overtime to produce enough eggs for throwing by vandals on Halloween.
- 1921 - Jehovah's Witnesses first provide practice for people to pretend not to be home on Halloween.
- 1955 - Hundreds of American kids somehow manage to cross the International Date Line to get first crack at Halloween goodies.
- 1973 - Four stoners in costume show up a day early for a Halloween party. The band KISS is born.
- 1989 - An old lady buys apples to give out to trick-or-treaters; she still doesn't get it. Death comes to take her, is given an apple, and is so moved he lets her stick around for another year. This has happened for the last 180 years.
- 2005 - Emo kids anticipate not getting their favorite treat tomorrow, an apple with a razor blade inside.
- 2011 - Viewers of The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror are disappointed once again.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
Clock is ticking! There's only one more day to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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