From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
There are currently 37,407 souls in our warehouse. |
|
|
|
|
Today's featured satanist
|
|
n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
|
Did you kill...
|
- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
|
|
In the pit
|
|
|
On this day...
|
|
September 24: Mudkip Appreciation Day
- 3000 BCE - Greek philosopher Atheises founds the Order of Dyslexic Atheists and declares as its motto "Thert isi thaer no doG!".
- 322 BCE - Isocrates teaches that Mudkip is the key to all understanding. Violent disagreement follows with Aristotle taking his Jigglypuff home in disgust.
- 1336 - Austrian troops invading Switzerland find pots of fondue set out for them along with plastic sporks. Thousand of soldiers die from third-degree burns from stringy melted cheese and melted plastic. Switzerland agrees to limit the use of fondue in the Treaty of Lausanne.
- 1541 - Paracelsus, Swiss alchemist, passes away after being drained by a bitter rivalry with the alchemist Parafahrenheit.
- 1612 - After a massive invasion of the Netherlands, Spain realizes they already own the place. They redouble their destructive efforts as punishment for the Dutch not telling them this.
- 1789 - United States History: the position of Attorney General is established, to act as general over the army of attorneys raised during the Revolutionary War.
- 1906 - U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt proclaims Devils Tower the nation's first National Monument after obsessively sculpting the rock formation in mashed potatoes.
- 1939 - Adolf Hitler gets into a hedge dispute with his Polish neighbour.
- 1991 - Jesus is found alive and well in a Manchester crackhouse.
- 1993 - Karl Marx's personal diaries discovered, Marxism apparently is just a wind up to bug the Americans.
- 2003 - George Bush declares war on Legoland.
- 2004 - Thought to be driven to extinction by heavy distribution in a McDonald's giveaway, a surviving colony of Mudkips are found in the Malaysian jungle. The group of scientists discovering them are found dead inside their own Pokéballs.
- 2006 - Michael Jackson sues himself for sexual assault and wins. He celebrates by sexually assaulting himself again.
- 2007 - This is the last day of Adventalo, the gathering of millions of nerds awaiting the coming of the chiefus christ.
- 2008 - War veteran Big Bird commits suicide after receiving hate mail for accidentally sinking China when he flushed the toilet.
- 2009 - All 8 followers of the new-found religion Walmartism are sentenced to death after reports of attacks on rival gang The "Food Lion Elite".
|
|
|
|
|
|
Satanist and Imp of the Month
|
|
Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
|
|
The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
|
Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,407 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Protected by the Devil himself, and an elite clan of Demons.
