From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
There are currently 37,402 souls in our warehouse. |
|
|
|
|
Today's featured satanist
|
|
n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
|
Did you kill...
|
- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
|
|
In the pit
|
|
|
On this day...
|
 Jedi will dance with just about anyone. May 4: Jedi New Year
- 321 - The date no one thought would ever happen, finally does.
- 1367 - King Philo of Wallachia discovers flatulence.
- 1594 - Dwarf hunting is declared illegal in France when the Jew and Huguenot season is extended.
- 1904 - The USA begins its first efforts to curb illegal immigration with the groundbreaking of the Panama Canal, separating North and South America.
- 1905 - Weebles wobble.
- 1924 - Weebles still won't fall down.
- 1930 - A time-travelling Jimbo Wales accidentally causes the Great Depression.
- 1939 - Thomas Jefferson ends up being the first president to become a rock star.
- 1961 - Martin Luther King has a dream about going to school naked.
- 1965 - Tony Blair announces the John Prescott Widening Project in order to increase the amount of pies John Prescott can eat. This reduces his ability to make incomprehensible sentences. Millions rejoice.
- 1966 - Robin Cook is appointed as Chief Incomprehensible Sentence Maker by the Queen. Millions saddened.
- 1968 - Robin Williams visits Earth and pals around with Gene Roddenberry and William Shatner. More than 40 years of science fiction hub-bub and techno-crap follow, creating really cool inventions like the transporter and Klingons.
- 1977 - Star Wars is released with the tag line "May the fourth be with you". The director will be fired to making up such a ludicrous pun. Douchebag.
- 1980 - Ronald Reagan loses in a winner-take-all paintball tournament sponsored by Jodie Foster.
- 1986 - Ronald Reagan awakes to a new day, but has no idea why.
- 2004 - The first annual Nigerian Email Writers Convention is held; millions attend.
- 2007 - Queen Elizabeth enjoys the Kentuckistan Derby and buys a beer bong. She will later crowd surf the mosh pit in the infield.
|
|
|
|
|
|
Satanist and Imp of the Month
|
|
Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
|
|
The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
|
Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
|
|
Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
Uncyclopedia languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
37,402 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many
languages:
Protected by the Devil himself, and an elite clan of Demons.
