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There are currently 37,405 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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June 18: International Delicious Beverage Day
- 4500 BCE – Sumerians invent beer; burping becomes popular throughout the known world.
- 4486 BCE – First sighting of pink elephants, well before standard elephants were known in most places.
- 1264 – The Parliament of Ireland meets for the first time at Castledermot in County Kildare. While in session, the parliament discusses beer rationing, leprechaun sightings, and whiskey rationing, and also hires St. Patrick to address the rampant snake problem.
- 1759 – Guinness opens its first brewery. Testers consume the entire output for the first year before being fired.
- 1812 – War of 1812: The US Congress declares war on the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. The British respond by taxing the US tea supply to ridiculous proportions, and ceasing the exporting of cricket and croquet materials to North America.
- 1887 – The Reinsurance Treaty between Germany and Russia is signed, ending all conflicts between the two nations permanently. [citation needed]
- 1917 – The first carbonated drink is put on the market. People are unaware of the dangers in Cocaine Cola.
- 1920 – Charles Grigg begins selling 7-Up, a carbonated drink containing lithium citrate. IT'SUPPOSEDTOBEAMOODSTABI LIZERFORBIPOLARS! I'M TALkINg TOyoU!! HEY!!liSTEN UP!! wHADDAYAmEAN IT'SnoT an iNGREDIEnT anYMoRE??
- 1928 – Aviator Amelia Earhart becomes the first woman to fly in an aircraft across the Atlantic Ocean (she was a passenger; Wilmer Stutz was the pilot and Lou Gordon the mechanic). She also becomes the first woman to nag a pilot in midflight across the Atlantic Ocean.
- 1978 – Jonestown Massacre occurs with many drinking poisoned Kool Aid to commit suicide. Poisoned Grape flavor becomes a big seller.
- 1983 – Space Shuttle program: STS-7, Astronaut Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space. She also becomes the first American woman to nag a fellow astronaut in space.
- 2007 – St. Peter's Basilica is most likely to awaken from its two-year slumber on this day, according to Vatican-sponsored astrological studies. False Popes are currently being prepared to divert its attention and appetite in anticipation of events on the day.
- 2009 - International Delicious Beverage Day cancelled due to European Bovril famine.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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