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There are currently 37,409 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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October 8: International Best Inventions Ever Day
- 4004 BC - God invents breasts.
- 4003 BC - Pornography is invented. There is no war for the next thousand years.
- 4002 BC - Lesbian porn is invented. The first case of carpal tunnel is documented.
- 2680 BC - Mayans invent chocolate and promote it with the slogan "Everything goes better with chocolate including human sacrifice".
- 500 - Germans invent beer. Anglo-Saxons would drink it but save up their ice for skating upon.
- 623 - Sloth is declared a mortal sin by the church but morphs into the three-day holiday.
- 1234 - The handgun is invented. This later inspires the invention of real guns.
- 1889 - Auguste Eiffel builds his famous tower when his indulgent grandmother buys him a large Meccano set.
- 1890 - Oscar Wilde invents Uncyclopedia and becomes the first user ever reverted and banned.
- 1921 - Americans invent the bacon cheeseburger. Grease salesmen have their best year ever.
- 1949 - Danes create Lego. Everyone else still prefers to use landmines to cause crippling injuries.
- 1952 - Deep fried spam is invented.
- 1963 - Hippies invent Free Love.
- 1964 - Hippies swap free love for pot.
- 1979 - The Victoria's Secret Catalogue is introduced. This is followed days later by a worldwide lotion shortage.
- 1984 - Wales invents the cheese and ham toastie; it is made their national dish. Students rejoice.
- 1993 - Scientologists revolt. Nobody cares.
- 1998 - Monkey butlers are invented, but those damn PETA activists won't let us have any.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
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Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is an independent humor writing project, a non-profitable cabal that also hosts a range of other projects.
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This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains
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