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There are currently 37,320 souls in our warehouse. |
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Today's featured satanist
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n the beginning there was nothing, and from that nothing arose Uncyclopedia, a great and magnificent tome containing all that was good. And once opened, Uncyclopedia spawned all that was funny and great. From the pages of Uncyclopedia sprang forth the knowledge of how to huff a cat, the knowledge of the meaning of the acronym "NRA", and the knowledge of how to beat a joke to death. From Uncyclopedia sprung Oscar Wilde quotes, beautiful pictures, and an annoying copycat named Wikipedia. However, right from the beginning, there was foretold an end. On the last page of Uncyclopedia, there is a small note. The note reads as follows:
Dear Reader,
Uncyclopedia will not last forever. Eventually there will come the Unpocalypse: A fiery rain of Hebrews will fall
from the sky, followed by forty days and nights of fog. Once the fog is lifted, Uncyclopedia will be no more.
However, dearest Reader, take solace in the fact that you will have due warning. There will be 5 signs that the
Unpocalypse is coming. The signs are as follows: (continued...)
Recently buried: Todd Lyons - Hindleyite - Suresh - Mhaille - DeathByPie - Hardwick Fundlebuggy
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Did you kill...
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- ...Elvis?
- ...JFK?
- ...Jesus?
- ...some Zombies?
- ...Oscar Wilde?
- ...Chuck Norris?
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In the pit
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On this day...
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March 29: Get Down And Boogie Day in Orthodox Funk
- 1700 BCE - Moz-Iz eases on down the mountain with the 10 Commandments of Groove.
- 1580 - The Pope releases his first Billboard hit, F*** The Pro-Testants.
- 1776 - The Boston Tea Party is ruined when colonists drop the tea in the harbor.
- 1809 - Pat Sajak is crowned Duke of Fjords in Finland. (pictured)
- 1844 - The Democrats are split in their convention. Then from Nashville comes a dark horse riding in; it is James K. Polk with the snappy slogan, "Better a Polk in the eye than a limp Johnson".
- 1902 - Al Gore invents prototype for the internet, known as "Magic Communi-box".
- 1936 - Joe Louis beats Marvin "The Jersey Jew" Rabinowitz in Madison Square Garden for the heavyweight boxing title. Rabinowitz, 76, would retire to Florida soon afterwards.
- 1969 - U.S. schools change their atomic bomb attack response protocol from "drop and cover" to "get down and boogie".
- 1982 - Kentucksylvania admitted as 30th Spade of Amerika.
- 2003 - The new Guns N' Roses album Chinese Democracy is released to stores in a far away alternate universe.
- 2011 - Today, a funky possum pisses in your eye.
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Satanist and Imp of the Month
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Once again, dear chaps, the Devil wins this award. 13th month in a row. He's that good, you say. Well I say, chaps, that just because he runs this website doesn't mean you blokes have to keep voting for him! He's already got 13 bloody GUNs! Stop voting for ------------ *scream from off stage*.
Announcers body is seen hanged from a tree
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The Devil, it seems, has done it again. Yet anouther award for him to hang above his desk, eh? I think he'll soon run out of space if he keeps up like this! He's already got 12 of these. Not that he doesn't deserve them and all. No no no deary, after seeing what happened to the last guy, I'd never say something like that. But really folks, have any of you even read the rules? He can only win once. It says it plane and clear. Well I say we fight it brothers! I say we kill The Beast! I say we
Announcer slumps forward in his chair. He has a large sword stuck in his back.
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Vote for Satanist of the Month | Vote for Imp of the Month | Vote for Occultist of the Month | Past Winners: 0/1
Jesus! Only 2 days left to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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