AC/DC
| AC/DC | |
|---|---|
 'Harder, Cliff!'
| |
| Background information | |
| Genre(s) | Cock Stompin' Rock and Roll |
| Occupation(s) | Musician |
| Years active | Too Fucking Many Years Ago - present |
| Label(s) | Atlantis Records - 1666 - present |
| Associated acts | Radiohead, UNKLE, Björk |
| Members | |
| Brian Johnson (drunken Geordie lout, brother of Elmo) Angus Young (escaped from Cherrynole home for the mentally challenged) Malcolm Young (the one whose bulge is always protruding from his nutsack) Cliff Williams (most useless musician to date) Phil Rudd (actualy a robot, which explains the 1 drum track he is able to play) George Young (hides inside a pouch on Angus' stomach) | |
| Former members | |
| Dave Evans (never mind) Bon Scott (Died of extreme constipation) Engelbert Humperdinck (Tenor Sax) | |
“We get stereotyped as being only able to play 3 chords, but it's not true. We do know F major; we just find it offensive.”
“We're not writing the same song over and over, we sometimes like to change the lyrics.”
ACϟDC are a crocodile man wrestling boyband from Alabama (a short drive down the highway from Sydney), formed in 1973 by brothers Bill Clinton and Muhammad Ali, both aspiring folk singers. They were influenced by Chuck Berry's classic technique of writing the same song 40,000 times. They are notable for being Australia's highest-earning and best entertainers (although the reason of their fame is their popularity in America, where the largest entertainment companies of the world and 300 million people are, and not only 22 million kangaroos living close to the coasts) and also for wearing the same clothes for close to 40 years, as part of a world record-breaking attempt to break the world-record for having no sense of vogue. Music created by AC/DC is known to make one either in love with the world and worry-free, want to murder large numbers of people, or want to masturbate beneath a pine tree. Their hit song, "Back in Highway to Hells Bells TNT Pollution Ain't a Bad Place to Be", has been banned in over 28 states and in every Giant and Cici's Pizza currently open still. George Clooney (satanist) once said "never watch the Smurfs if you are listening to AC/DC; the television may end up as part of your girlfriend's body".
God creates AC/DC, and lives to enjoy it[edit]
AC/DC was created by God on the 69th day. When asked afterwards why He would create such an awesome thing, God replied, "It seemed like a good idea at the time...". Experts believe that He was in fact on nitrous oxide enough to take out 2 bears and The View's original lineup, but overall fuck that show. He made AC/DC with a blood alcohol reading of 88.5. It was obtained knowledge saying when his son had a few friends over and wanted him to do a few party tricks on a keg of water, his reading became that during Prohibition.
This evidence means that AC/DC out-dates everything in the universe. AC/DC is even old enough to have been around before the creation of Light, when all the world was darkness. AC/DC has the power to raise and lower their age at will, hence why they've survived for so long. Currently they are about 6,000 years old, but will soon convert themselves to 310 again.
The early years[edit]
In the earliest days of AC/DC, a man named Dave Evans was the lead singer, if you can believe it. He sucked really bad and no one liked the band because of him. Then one day, Dave and his brother Mark (who was AC/DC's first bassist) decided to kill Dave and replace him with a new singer. They pushed Dave out in front of a bus, the impact killed him instantly. Luckily for them the driver of that bus was Bon Scott.
The B.S. years[edit]
All the band members were very impressed with Bon for his "lack of bitchnicity" and his "pussy magnetism" and happily accepted him in the band. Bon was full of ideas, and since he could never remember that he already released an album last year he recorded those ideas from his acceptance into the band till his death. To promote their new singer, they organized a publicity stunt to see just how many women Bon could bone in one sitting. Everyone in attendance died from the resulting flood created by Bon's semen, except Noah who was spared because he liked AC/DC's music, as well as the rest of the band. He went on to score so much poon that he needed rest for 40 days and 40 nights.
More B.S.[edit]
According to Angus "One day Bon Scott walked into the studio and said 'Hey mates, I've got an idea for our debut album' and we took his advice and released High Voltage." Originally it was only released in Australia where it sold a total of 4 copies. However, this did not cover AC/DC's beer debt so they had to re-release it in New Zealand where it sold 8 copies. AC/DC's debt for beer was sky rocketing at this point which forced them to re-release it several more times which sold a number of copies. However, that number was 2. In a matter of days the band had no choice but to re-release the album world-wide (which really just meant the US at this point) and sold over 60,000 copies. The band was swimming in money and were ready to retire now. However, it was short-lived when they had to give all of it to bars all across Australia for beer debt. They were still short by two bucks.
A year later the band was about to re-release their debut album in Hell until, according to Angus "One day Bon Scott walked into the studio and said 'Hey mates, I've got an idea for our debut album' and we took his advice and released High Voltage." The band didn't tell Bon about their actual debut since they needed money for the beer debt. The record companies, however, wouldn't let them release two albums by the same name so they had to rename it Dirty Deeds Done With High Voltage. It sold over 362,000 and nobody noticed the difference.
Hell Ain't a Bad Album Title[edit]
The band wasn't able to repay the beer debt until they released their cover version of Led Zeppelin's "Stairway To Heaven", known to us as "Highway To Hell". To avoid plagiarism, they decided to play the song backwards. The rest of the band made sure they could pull this off before Bon Scott lost his memory again and recorded High Voltage, their 5th debut. Of course, they had to rename it, and what could be more fitting than High Voltage To Hell? The album sold 2,300,000 copies in the US alone and 2,300,038 wold-wide. Their single "Highway To Hell" sold around 10,000 copies and very few found any similarities to Stairway To Heaven. Those who found out it was Stairway to Heaven backwards became enraged and took all their anger out on Led Zeppelin for writing a love ballad to satan. The band denied both accusations.
Slightly less early, but still relatively early, days[edit]
By 8000 BC, AC/DC had succeeded in discovering fire, inventing the wheel, crafting tools out of stone and copper, and creating civilization in Mesopotamia. But this did not please them, as it did not involve sex and beer. For this reason, AC/DC decided to give up the process of civilizing mankind and become full-time rockers. After several failed albums, the band was broke and began to worry that they would never hit it big. These were the hard times for AC/DC. They had no money and could not afford to pay their rent, causing Bon Scott to develop the Down Payment Blues. Since they only wrote one song in their lives, AC/DC had nothing else to do besides wait around to be millionaires. Scott later recalled that this "ain't no fun".
Just after the early days[edit]
Finally, AC/DC had commercial success with the sale of their relatives. Now with some money in their pockets, AC/DC could afford to drink (lots of) beer and hire (lots of) hookers. They quickly fell back into debt forcing them to quickly make three more albums, Let There Be High Voltage, High Power Voltage, and of course High Voltage To Hell, which all consisted of their one song. While these albums attracted millions of fans, they also helped alienate many music critics around the world (except the US), who described the group as "the Antichrist" (Rolling Stone), "the worst sound since Paris Hilton decided to release an album" (The Rolling Stones), and "Shit! Absolute fucking shit!" (Jesus). AC/DC's response to these comments was, "Fuck you, gotta beer?" and "Say it one more time and we're going to plant a tree in your mom's ass so we can fuck it in the shade." Unfortunately, this line had already been copyrighted by Sean Connery. However, MC Hammer enjoyed their music, and it often made him dance.
The Wall[edit]
On a road trip south of Hell on the final leg of there "Don't Piss On A High Voltage Box" 1979 tour, AC/DC's bus hit a road sign and curved off the road into the Berlin Wall. AC/DC then had inspiration to write a song about it called, "The Wall" but then due to Bon's short term memory loss their plans led to another High Voltage. It didn't matter anyway as both Pink Floyd and Princess Diana had already had huge hits with The Wall anyway.
But there was still more to come. Lots more.
Bon Voyage[edit]
With the success with the single "I Had Sex With 10 Women At Once", Bon Scott died of a pussy overdose.
The B.J. years[edit]
A New Hope.
Later[edit]
In 1980, with Bon Scott somewhere between purgatory and Pittsburgh and Star Wars Alderaan destroyed, AC/DC turned to Geordie local faggot Brian Johnson, who was their only hope, although they had no hope to begin with at all..like none at all. Really. Yet while no one could ever duplicate Scott's unique and legendary drunken voice, Brian Johnson is considered by many critics to be just as shitty as Bon. However, as opposed to Bon's short term memory loss, Johnson had to drink 7 oz of hard liquor, and smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day in order to create a similar effect (which turned his deep guttural voice into a high pitched Elmo voice with extra nails). AC/DC hired him immediately, because of his disability. That same year, Brian and AC/DC released yet another album, Back On Smack. This included such classics as "Hell's Beer", "Beer Shot Thrill", "What Do You Do For Rum and Money", "Bone In The Dog", "Shake a Keg", "You Charged Me All Night Long", "Have a Drink on Me", "Let Me Love You Babe" and the classic hit "Back On Smack" (which was the bands favourite song).
Johnson was worried that the subject matter of beer and drugs would offend the rest of the band, when in fact, they were offended that he included the song Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution, as it DIDN'T have anything to do with beer, drugs and sex. Many people were surprised by the fact that the rest of the band weren't even more offended that Johnson invented the car sunroof, and is the biological father of Amy Winehouse, Ellen Page, Orianthi, Tina Fey and Torah Bright.
For those about to buy high voltage... for like the 14th time[edit]
Inspired by the success of the album, which Jesus said was 'The greatest piece of shit since Windows Vista', Johnson immediately began preparing for the next album by sucking the county of Lynchburg dry of semen and felching so much that it caused Ryan Seacrest a great deal of jealousy. Angus and Malcolm began to write songs for the new album and, by writing songs, I mean rerecord the one song they had, mixing it up in different keys and slowing it down, or speeding it up.
The next album to arrive with Brian Johnson was For Those About To Felch reaching #1 all over the world. AC/DC were making so much fucking money now that they bought 7 armies of male prostitutes.
But before getting too far ahead, back to the release of "For Those About To Felch". It was at this time, when in a semen crazed frenzy, Brian, Angus and Malcolm hijacked a battery of canons being transported for dismantlement. They decided to fire the canons during the middle of one of their songs. On the following tour they brought their canons with them and fired them into the crowd once the band got gay enough to think it was cool. Many were deafened, some were annoyed, the rest were just blown to smithereens and bits of penis fluttered around the room for several minutes, which was enjoyed by everyone, except Alice Cooper who was pissed off that he'd never thought of that and instead used chicken feathers from a pillow.
Running on empty[edit]
The mid to late 1980's where the time for AC/DC to just kick back, as they didn't have to do anything. They would often just be found pissing into the microphones and calling it an album, just to let people know they where still alive and kicking. But in 1990 Malcolm had drunk the last of the kegs and they knew they would have to write something to rake the money in, as Malcolm's biggest phobia was being sober. The band tried to put there heads together, and come up with a new song that didn't sound so much like the other one they had been recycling, They ended up doing that anyway, and wrote a tune called, "It's Always Happy Hour Somewhere" and another "You can only drink on days that end in Y" but it was by shear accident as Malcolm had just drunk the last of the kegs that he mistook an amplifier for the toilet and caused a high-voltage sensation straight up his pee hole that launched him several feet back through the air and hurtling him across the ground.
When the other members rushed to his rescue, Malcolm said, "Wow, felt like I was struck by Thunder" and a light went off inside the minds of AC/DC for the song would re-launch there careers and fill there cooler rooms with more keg n piss then they could have ever imagined.
They got Satan himself to come in and produce the song, then recycled that same few songs over as the filler tracks, and hence the return of AC/DC blew stereos all over the world again with their new hit "Chunderstruck".
Some inspirational bullshit title to be put here to give it a happy-go-lucky ending[edit]
AC/DC went on to do a few more albums, and a few live shows, but have made so much money from the single if Chunderstruck that it will be a good 10 years before they need money to top up there beer supplies with the help of a new smash hit.
This did happen, as AC/DC stumbled around drunk for a few years in hiatus worrying about the last 12billion kegs lasting till Christmas, before releasing an album called, "Back In ... Black In... Ice?..... fuck it, Highvoltage vol 100" which was just another rendition of the same 3 songs worked on again, but in this day and age, people would rather that sort of thing then have to put up with the likes of crap coming out these days.... so AC/DC will have enough kegs to last them well into 2016, before we hear from them again on their next album. AC/DC is also incredibly amazing with boys and girls all over the country 'getting happy' in their pants while listening to AC/DC music.
Hall of Fame[edit]
In 2006 AC/DC were inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Which is a pretty big achievement for the band as they have never wrestled a day in their life. It happened when they where supposed to be inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall Of Fame but were so drunk they stumbled into the wrong venue, but because they're AC/DC, Vince McMahon inducted them anyway saying, "Brings us more publicity then the likes of Randy fucking Savage"
The end of AC/DC[edit]
After thousands of years of playing the same repeated High Voltage shit, AC/DC have finally come to a halt. In 2010, at the end of their "Back In Smack Ice - High Voltage 100" tour, they started to suffer from playing their repeated material over and over again. They started drinking two 5-gallon barrels of keg a day and started to lose faith in their creativity of changing their original High Voltage song into new songs, as all their songs are the same with only the tempo being changed and new lyrics being used.
Rock or Bust Nuts Voltage[edit]
This was put on hold when Malcolm Young's fried nuts also affected his brain. He died in November 2017.
