Elle MacPherson

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Elle Macpherson , aka "The Tits" is Australia's #1 most fuckable cum-bucket. She is a Superhero that started her crime-fighting in Sydney during the late 1970's, casting her cleavage powers over men that caused over 1000 liters of male sperm to be wasted per financial year, helping reduce the spread the seed of wankers populating the country. Elle became the first, and only Australian ambassador to fight the evil forces of Claudia Schiffer and Cindy Crawford from Titty-Team USA, preventing them invading Australia and opening up Walmart's everywhere. Elle became a national icon when her tits where seen to be bigger then the Americans and had the most control over Australian influence during the silicon wars.


The Tits[edit]

Elle was born in Sydney in 1965. By the tender age of 10, she had developed super-breasts and was using her powers over men with hypnotic-breast-mind-control. When she was 17 she became a chemist and learned scientific ways to make her boobs even more naturally bigger. With her new super-boob-enhancing formula, she decided to fight injustice and rid Australia of the current wanker-boom being born every minute by giving the male population something to fight off the infection, instead of spreading their seed into women. Men everywhere bought Elle's first ever swimsuit calender, and within 6 months the wankers-boom was down by 14%.

The Tits Seen Around The World[edit]

Elle knew now that in order to increase the percentage drop of wankers breeding, it would require taking her powers to new levels. She soon released exercise videos wearing bikinis, and made several public appearances walking up & down small pathways. She then signed a deal with the Australian tourism distribution to make commercials boasting to people around the world to visit Australia, as the wankers breeding population was now down 47%.

Elle enjoying a victory shower of sperm cells not being used for repopulating Australian wankers

The Tits Exposed[edit]

Everything exposed but the tits. Tea?

In 1981, the wankers of Australia were still found to be breeding, so in a desperation move, Elle exposed her breasts in several shoots for Playboy, Penthouse and Womans Day. Elle's knockers were seen hanging on every red-blooded man's walls across Australia and half the world. She had finally reduced the wanker-breeding population by 89% and also around the world by 75%, almost winning her a noble prize award, but was beaten out when judges from England said the amount of wankers still breeding Britain was about the same as it always was.

The American Tits Try To Invade The Land Down Under[edit]

Elle Laughs about defeating the evil forces of TittyTeam-USA

In 1985 the evil American Titty-Team of Claudia Schiffer & Cindy Crawford invaded Australian shores with press conferences that they had come to close down all K-Mart & McEwens stores to make way for chains of Walmart's to be built everywhere. A nation wide panic spread through the red-land at such a threat to close down their beloved stores. The nations stock markets crashed, politicians where rendered helpless, and Vegemite sales where in jeopardy. What could Australia do?

This looks like a job for Super Size Boobied Elle!

Elle dawned her skimpy bikini costume and crashed TTUSA's next conference. Elle walked up and down the catwalk faster and taller than the invaders. Elle then announced she was here to stop their evil plan! Claudia rose to her feet and said, "You will never stop us, Dynamic Duo-breasts" - Claudia then signaled for her henchmen to attack Elle. Elle used her boobs to deflect away the attacks, sending several henchmen flying completely out of the room with comic-like bubbles appearing every hit saying things like "WHAM", "BOOF", "DONK" & "WANK" but soon several more henchmen where on the scene. Elle had to use her wits to escape, so she used her tampon string to swing across the room and kick 12 more henchmen out of the way, but soon they where too much to handle and they had captured Elle.

Claudia instructed the henchmen to take her to the secret Team Titty USA Torture Rooom at their secret lair. Elle was escorted and forced into a secret location where she was to be tortured into watching non stop cartoons from Disney. Cindy advised the henchmen to tie Elle up and place her on the Titty-Twisting Machine. A machine that she explains twists your nipples till they pop. Elle was in serious trouble now. How could she possibly escape this?

Stay tuned for the conclusion. Right here, on the same Elle web page... same Elle article.

A Breastacular Victory[edit]

Cindy digs her evil claws into The Tits right tit
What was left in the aftermath

As Cindy started up the machine to clamp Elle's nipples off, the evil duo of Cindy and Claudia walked away saying they couldn't stay to watch, they had Walmarts to build. As they left Elle began to wonder if this was the end? Then all of a sudden, Paul Hogan Super Dag burst through a wall! When the smoke cleared he stubbed out, "*burp* This ain't the dunnys" but then noticed Elle's tits and gave a cheeky-old grin. Then Elle yelled out, "Oi, Up Here." and Super Dag noticed there was a women attached to the breasts! He rushed over and untied Elle as she explained what was happening, then soon Elle & Super Dag where off to stop the TTUSA from building Walmart's all over Oz.

They tracked down the evil doers in the Elle-Mobile, with the help of the Elle-tracking computer, and soon burst onto the scene once again against the evil forces of TTUSA. This time Cindy and Claudia decided to fight Elle and Super Dag themselves. They got into a fight where bodies and silicone flew everywhere, Super Dag grabbed Cindy in a headlock and killed her with his radioactive-under-arm-body-oder before he collapsed out of breath, dieing for a beer.

It was now the final showdown between Elle and Cindy, Cindy taunted Elle about Revlon products making her look sexier then her, but Elle just flashed her tits at Cindy causing a jealous rage. Cindy leaped through the air with hands out aimed at Elle's throat, but Elle would just say, "Go-Go Elle boob Inflation" inflating her knockers in size by 400%! Cindy could not stop flying in mid air, and crashed into the cleavage of Elle, where she remained incapacitated until police showed up to take her away.

Elle had saved Australia's K-marts everywhere, but unfortunately she didn't save McEwens, but Australia forgave her as they still had Mitre-10.

The Tits Are National Heroes[edit]

Elle was awarded the Australian of the year award for saving Oz from the American invasion and keeping K-Mart safe.

Elles Forces Grow Stronger Today[edit]

In more recent years Elle started up an Australian Super Heroes Federation. She is the leader of the group, with her trusty sidekick Super Dag. She has since inducted members such as her very own sister, Honk-Honk McPherson. Her sister is younger and just as sexy as Elle, and helps prevent wankers from populating just as successfully as Elle. Other members include Super Agro, Humphrey Bogart Bear, and Fat Cat.

Tho the group has not been needed to fight evil forces invading Australia for over a decade now, should evil try to ever rear it's anorexic head again, they must always know, that where evil lurks, Elle and her team of super friends will be ready for them.

Personal Life[edit]

Not much is known about Elles personal life. She likes to keep her true-identity a secret. But we do know she was dating Batman for a while. Her relationship with him was seen in the 1997 documentary, "Batman & Robin".

Back in 1990 she was cast alongside fellow super sirens Kate Fisher and Portia DeRossi in a small home sex video made by Hugh Grant called "3 Chicks Walk Around A Bush Naked" which won an Oscar nomination for best use of 6 tits in a movie with no plot, beating out The Golden Girls reunion.

Elle was also a regular host on the TV show "Britain's Next Super Hero" where she was known as the "asshole" of the judges, commenting on their super powers about how bad she believed they where.

Elle's Trusty Sidekick, SuperDag enjoys working with The Tits
Elle's sister HonkHonk is a vital part of the new crime fighting Super Heroes of Australia