Bikini
 |
This article is a flimsy excuse to get pictures of tits on Uncyclopedia. Don't change a thing to remedy this. |
“I always enjoy the sight of a good pair of kinis.”
“In Soviet Russia, bikini wears YOU!!!”
The bikini bathing suit (also known as the Two Piece, the Devil's Tempters) is still the first choice of swimwear for women. It has got skimpier over time but is still techincally two bits of clothing to avoid getting blacklisted on Facebook postings.
The bikini is thought to be the cause of certain intense male psychological conditions such as mental paralysis, physical inactivity, drooling, and stiffening of certain male joints. Alternatively, they may induce vomiting in some males. Bikinis are thought to be a major cause of all world events. The bikinis are known to be so hot that they cause global warming. NBA player Kobe Bryant once took a bikini to court, claiming it forced him to rape a woman wearing it. The judge took one look at the bikini and kicked Kobe in the nuts. Not only are bikinis psychologically damaging, but physically as well. They cause males to masturbate furiously, thus killing many un-huffed kittens, and ultimately damaging their reproductive organs.
Many girls are banned from wearing bikinis as they implode uncontrollably when their belly buttons are exposed to oxygen. If you are male, the chance that you are reading this paragraph statistically approaches zero
Anniversary[edit]
The year 2006 is acknowledged as the 50th anniversary of the bikini. In honor of the occasion, women worldwide were called on to get their 50-year-old bikinis out of asses and closets, to wear in a celebratory parade through the streets of New York City. The plans were stymied, however, when the state of New York passed emergency legislation requiring all parade participants to obtain and wear antique vehicle licenses on both front and rear of their persons.
The original wearers of the bikinis, now many of them in their early to mid seventies, thought they looked damned snappy in them, and had been seriously looking forward to leading the parade, and were no so pissed off that they almost couldn't speak. Footage of their complaints almost made the amatuer porn news.
Bikini Atoll[edit]
Bikini Atoll is a small island located in the South Pacific. Discovered in 1948 the island was found to be populated entirely by young, beautiful women. Due to the shortage of available nylon and shiny pleather the women have been forced to ration fabrics often being forced into forgoing a top or wearing only a string. While it is rare, it is to be noted that the radiation from the H-Bomb has mutated some women.
Bikini Contests[edit]
A strange phenomena found to originate on Bikini Atolls after the First Hydrogen bomb was tested in 1974. Since then, when ever a large amount of radiation reaches a critical mass (usually fueled by cheap beer, and lack of masturbatory fodder) a bikini contest seems to explode out of nowhere. The winner may travel to America. The losers lose their bikinis and are swallowed by the resident dragons of Bikini Atoll. With ketchup. There is mysteriously never a shortage of contestants. Ever.
All these girls were eaten with ketchup after Pamela Anderson traveled back in time and won.
Hey, guess what?[edit]
We just totally wasted your time! Ha! You probably came here to find pictures of women lookin' fine. But we don't have any of that!
Honestly, you people are sick. Hmm... maybe we should do this to every site on the internet! Get rid of every dirty picture, and 86% of people who use the internet will stop. TAKE THAT, BILL GATES! (Just Kidding, Not!)
