Black tights

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Black tights are worn seductively in many comic books in Japan.

Black tights are a tight-fitting apparel item for girls and women, no matter whether on 2-D images or in the 3-D real world. Black tights arouse many men and boys. The most aroused may steal black tights from girls or women. The aroused and yet chivalrous defer the theft until removed from the wearer.

History[edit]

Once innocent confusion became a deliberate movement, events for tights-wearing men began to take place, such as this one.

Tights originated as a practical invention for Medieval horseback riders, incidentally showing off the fine silk they could afford. By the time of King George, only women and foppish men wore high heels and tights. By the early 20th century, this role was solely for women.

In 2005, black tights became a fashion trend that spread to East Asia, especially Hong Kong and Japan, replacing the predecessor trend of black socks. Paradoxically being sexier despite being less revealing, wearers avoided the faux pas of socks with sandals, over which the Fashion Police had incarcerated so many know-nothings.

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Tights.

In 2008 through 2012, the La Niña weather effect produced cold winters in East Asia and the resulting goosebumps goosed the demand for black tights.

In about 2009, the fashion trend collided with the trend of sexual confusion, and boys started wearing black tights, under cargo-length or shorter shorts. And wiggling their bottoms as they walked. The mass-market hit Robin Hood: Men in Tights took over from the niche anime Fate Testarossa: Woman in Tights (pictured above). Now, everyone was in tights.

Benefits[edit]

Black tights make great last-minute costumes for Halloween.

Black tights cover more area than the predecessor knee socks and consequently are warmer. The black color conceals imperfections such as blotches, bruises, varicose veins, and if worn on the face during a burglary, identity.[1]

The tight fit attracts attention to the contour of the legs, even in cases where wearing nothing at all there did not. Black tights worn under very short skirts remove some of the embarrassment when around perverts attempting upskirt photography.

Finally, black tights save the expense and resources of manufacturing long pants or trousers and obviate the killing of animals for fur.

Varieties[edit]

Passengers on Hong Kong's Rail No.9 typically wear black tights because this modern, high-speed train is drafty.

White tights are a less common alternative to black tights. Their use is restricted to females groping for a niche and those with a serious obsession with Western culture. Tights in other colors are even less common except on roller derby teams.

Tights are made with nylon or Spandex. Nylon tights often tear with careless use. Spandex tights only tear deliberately, in cases where the wearer wants to suggest she engages in rough sex play.

Fashion[edit]

Black tights efficiently enhance one's moë.[2] Pretty men and women wearing black tights shift their admirers' attention to their legs and feet. The wearer can be very moë even without realising it. The thinnest black tights are so sexy as to cause nosebleeds.

Black tights may create the aura of mystery, except on some pre-pubescent girls and elderly women. Tights parties are common, and the watchers celebrate and the wearers do not.

Deciding what to wear over black tights comprises:

  • Choice of footwear. This may be sport shoes, high heels, canvas shoes, skateboard shoes, or boots.
  • Choice of overwear. One can opt for revealing clothing, without revealing anything; such as mini-skirts or hot pants.

Black tights are worn if one is a member of any of the following professions or callings (or wishes to make a vague fashion statement of affinity to them):

Footnotes[edit]

  1. Black tights were also worn on the face during the 2020 Coronavirus outbreak, as an alternative to fabric masks (or, in the case of Alyssa Milano, knit masks) by those valuing conformity over prevention.
  2. In contrast, it takes a buzz-cut or bangs to enhance one's Curly or Shemp.
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