Homo sexuals

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Homo sexuals
Scientific classification
Kingdom Animalia
Phylum Chordata
Class Mammalia
Order Fagales
Family Fagaceae
Genus Homo
Species sexual
Binomial name
Homo sexual
Primary armament Penis with which to fuck you
Secondary armament Mouth with which to suck you
Power supply Bottle of Skeet
Health 1-78
Strength 1-140
Intelligence Absolutely none
Weight 102-987 pounds
Length 1.5-1.8 meters (that's about as b)
Special attack Lube
Conservation status
Not endangered

“This is an animal I can relate to.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Homo sexuals

Homo sexuals are bipedal mammals known for their flamboyant tempermants and colourful mating displays. They resemble their evolutionary cousins Homo sapiens but there are several key differences that set them apart. Both species are bipedal and share a recent common ancestor but they are relatively easy to tell apart by the trained eye. Homo sapiens tend to have more drab decorations which is contrasted to the bright decorations of Homo sexuals. They also tend to sound different; Homo sexuals may make higher pitched noises or have a lisp while others do not.

Habitat and Behaviour[edit]

Homo sexuals are usually found in brightly decorated places. They are mostly herbivorous although many enjoy sausages. They enjoy listening to Elton John, Madonna, and The Villiage People. They tend to be physically weaker (especially in the wrists) and more feminine than Homo sapiens on average although a subspecies of Homo sexuals known as Bears (Homo sexuals ursus) are actually stronger than Homo sapiens on average. Bears have several differences in both appearance and behaviour to the more common variety of Homo sexuals, often referred to as "flamers". They are more hairy and masculine than their more delicate counterparts but will freely mate with them. Many flamers actually have a preference for Bears over other flamers. Stephen Colbert has an intense fear of bears. Bears are usually dominant to flamers and will mount them to display this dominance. If bears are in long-term courtships with flamers they will sometimes allow flamers to mount them. Scientists believe that this type of behaviour can often be pleasurable to Homo sexuals which is why they believe dominant partners will sometimes allow themselves to be mounted by the submissive partner.


Although the total population of Homo sexuals is only about one-tenth to one-twentieth that of their more common relative, Homo sapiens, scientists believe that the species is thriving and is in no danger. Conservative estimates place the total worldwide population of Homo sexuals at somewhere between 300 and 600 million.

Despite their high population and evolutionary success, Homo sexuals are threatened in specific locales. Although the species does not face the risk of imminent extinction, several conservation groups such as the ACLU and Amnesty International have stepped up on behalf of these creatures demanding humane treatment. Although laws have been enacted in most developed countries to protect them, it is still legal to shoot Homo sexuals in several states including Texas and Alabama. Animal rights activists have stated that these are intelligent and sentienent creatures capable of feeling pain and that it is unethical and immoral to harm them.

Because of persistent myths in the southern United States about Homo sexuals, many people are taught to fear them which sometimes results in violence towards the species. Many uneducated people in the region believe that AIDS is spread only by this species and that they attack children. This is not true, AIDS is also carried by other animals known as Junkies (Homo intervenous) as well as by “Hetrosexual “ humans. Also Homo sexuals do not have an increased propensity towards violence and are no more likely to attack children than Homo sapiens. Many of these myths are being perpetuated by Christian groups in the United States that believe that Homo sexuals are the spawn of Satan. Because of the actions of Human Rights activists such as Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, and the ACLU, attitudes are gradually beginning to change. People are learning how to live alongside these magnificent creatures rather than fearing and hating them.

Mimicry abilities[edit]

Although certain Homo sexuals have some physical and behavioural differences from Homo sapiens that make it easy to tell the two species apart, most Homo sexuals display no distinguishable characteristics setting them apart from other “Homo sapiens”. Due to social pressures Homo sexuals are referred to as being "closeted" and take on the behavioral characteristics ”Heterosexual” humans. However due to their instinctual urges, Homo sexuals are not always able to suppress their natural instincts. They will still sometimes act in ways that is consistent with their genetic makeup. This can manifest itself in behaviour such as soliciting an undercover police officer for sex in a public washroom or snorting meth off of a gay hooker's ass.

See Also[edit]