American Civil Liberties Union
The Anti-Christian Liberal Union (ACLU; pronounced a-CLUE, as in what they don't have), or American Criminal Lovers Union, Atheists Communists Liberals and Unions, the American Commie Lowlife UBERbastards (and also All Crazy Lunatics U Know, originally founded as the American Communist Lesbians Union) is a group / cult that encourages protection of the rights it chooses are worth protecting, especially criminals, child molesters, and terrorists. This includes but is not limited to the right of atheism (freedom from religion) and the rights of terrorists to roam free of surveillance. They are, however, opposed to things such as the rights of Christians and rights of law-abiding citizens (on issues such as guns). The ACLU is led by Homo Romero, a stereotypical Jew who won't protect the religious rights of his fellow "Chosen People", let alone any people not alike him.
History[edit]
The ACLU was co-founded by Muhammad Jones (born Muhammad bin Laden) and Oscar Wilde in year zero as a secret society devoted to the rights of Islamofascists, Communists whom are spies in the Democrat Party and gays (self-explanatory).
They were later joined by Billy, a young atheist child who was told by his mommy that religion was a trap. It's first major almost success was in 2006 when it almost succeeded in nuking Christmas. However, the combined strength of Bill O'Reilly and Ultra Jesus defeated them.
The ACLU is an appointed mentor for the country's black people because we believe in the evil white racist Republican right-wing conspiracy is after them. Also we love Hispanic people, we defend illegal immigrants right to be in this country and taking jobs from black and white Americans (and about the Hispanics without a need of green cards?).
Mission Statement[edit]
The ACLU has a five-part mission statement. The first is that Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. Religion should be confronted whenever possible and beaten up immediatly for believing in fairy tale stuff like hope and sympathy.
Secondly all white males are out to get "you". Especially ones in bright red jackets carrying sacks. They know when you are sleeping, they know when you are drinking and they know what pants you wear on Fridays.
Thirdly the notion that Terrorists can be friends with the West. They aren't that bad if people get to know them and they are really just like the people they are fighting against - high society, ignorant fundamentalists. Sex offenders and prisoners can be your friend too....just give them a chance. Let your kids play with them.
Fourthly that all Boy Scouts are evil and should be shot. They are part of a secret right-wing brainwashing organisation that is run by the government and demands exceptional obedience in a peculiarly left-wing way.
Finally Minorities such as Mexicans, rapists, blacks, drug dealers, and Klansmen must be defended. Minorities such as Jews, Christians, Republicans and American Soldiers are not to be defended, nor should the whites. If you've made a profit in this world then it is because you have enslaved humanity.
Rights[edit]
The organisation heavily focuses on human rights claiming that they don't accept cases about free speech violations from the workplace (except by a minority, a woman or an insane psychotic gunmen about his rights to carry a concealed weapon at the office). They also want pot smoking, atheist, liberal college professors to have rights in the place of hard working, Christian, conservative gun owners.