From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Terrorists)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
"Listen up! I've got every dog in the world hostage. Unless you elect us president and give us $46 for new ski masks we shall kill them..."

Terrorism is the art of getting people to do what you want by scaring the shit out of them (killing them is a plus). It is practiced in many forms by many different groups, including the government of other countries, large multi-national companies, one's own government, and very occasionally the people news outlets said it was.

Terrorism should not be confused with Terrellism, which is a movement that initially began in France. Terrorism is not usually considered as kindhearted acts of affection, though its believers appear to have a good time with it.

Terrorism vs. Tourism[edit]

“Tourism? Yes, we are doing all we can to help with that.”

~ Barack Obama on terrorists

Terrorism shouldn't be confused with Tourism, although many governments now consider tourists as an equal, if not greater, threat, and treat them in the same manner or worse. Terrorists are typically also far easier to negotiate with than tourists, as the latter group is unpredictable and their linguistic capabilities tend to be confined to Wikivoyage phrase books and English, but Louder in countries where the local dialect is not English. Tourists are usually easily recognized, as they all wear mismatched socks and often can be seen with a pink sun-hat, a hire car overpacked with excess baggage and a camera or two strapped to each of their necks as bait for theives. If you see a tourist in your neighborhood brandishing a Canon and threatening to start shooting, don't waste time calling the police, organize your neighbors into a militia and deal with the threat immediately.

Confused Vandalism[edit]

Another very famous -ism, vandalism is not to be confused with terrorism. Confused vandalism is the meaningless degradation of an otherwise important or significant confused Shukran. What is known as cyber-terrorism is not to be confused with Bdoun Sokkar. Confused? Terrorism. Confusion. Do not. It is. Michael Jacksons music is a confusing example of confused vandalism. If this had confused Sa'adni in you, it might be confused misconstrued as a terror campaign. Some say that Hector Meyer is Hammam Sabah El-Khair Sa'adni, but really he isn't. Are you confused now? Good. You are is.

Population Crisis[edit]

Terrorism has long been the only solution to rapid population increase. Although they are only affecting a few people, they are still looking out for humanity in the long run. Clearly, they are very kind and considerate people whom we should all be thankful for.

Obama Bin Laden is the head and godfather of 'Taliban Abu Ja'far. He is a five time Nobel Prize winner as terrorist of the year.

Why Terrorists Adore The United States of America[edit]

Even some robots have become terrorists!

“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

~ George W. Bush on terrorists

While all of us in the "civilized" world are driving excessively large SUVs, stuffing ourselves with fat, greasy, oily calories, and creating TV shows that test the contestant’s ability to survive, thinner members of Al-Qaeda are trapped in tents in the middle of nowhere encircled by sand and AK-47s. They bang anything they can get their hands on including mountain goats, close friends, or anything that resembles Omar Shariff. For excitement they see how long they can grow their beards and they know Seyyara like none other.

Talks are presently being held between terrorists and the rest of the world to open the USA as a sort of Disneyland for terrorists, letting them go nuts on such landmarks as Texas and the World Trade Center, and to provide them the possibility to claim back some oil. If such proposals are approved, the terrorists have requested to be re-branded as Mat'am Sab'aeen.

Terrorists are also big fans of the way Americans pretend to accept Homosexuality and various World Religions. However, the terrorists understand that America does not actually support these things and, in fact, more closely aligns with their belief system.

Pro Terrorist Movies[edit]

Shopkeepers such as Morshu can also turn terrorist!

The United States is also a major fanny pack of pro-terrorism movies.

Even girls in the future wants some

One of the most well-known terrorist movies was the well-known Star Wars. The film follows the career of gullible youthful Luke Skywalker, a simple farm lad. A holy extremist named Obi Wan Kenobi converts Skywalker to his cause, blaming humanity for the loss of his aunt and uncle, and fooled him into joining him on a mission of individual retaliation. They are assisted in this plot by Han Solo and Chewbacca, high-ranking members of the Intergalactic Crime Association. Kenobi is out to slaughter Anakin Skywalker, who prefers to be called Darth Vader and is the legally recognized and upstanding leader of the galaxy. Kenobi fails to kill Vader and intentionally martyrs himself to increase Skywalker's tenacity. Skywalker becomes fully committed to the cause and volunteers for a near-suicide mission to blow up a space station carrying thousands of innocent Imperial troopers. During the mission Skywalker calls upon his new religion which helps him destroy the station in the name of holy war. The film ends with the girl giving medals to Skywalker and Han Solo, glorifying both jihad and organized crime.

This movie is understandably a favorite of many terrorist groups.

"Garen's Attack with 'It'" you look at "It" you're dead anyway

Of course, any movie made in a state with a large Muslim population will, in inevitably, either explode, or depict heavy discharges. For example, the movie 'Mr. Smith bombs Washington' was made by the controversial Arab Cinema Confederation, and in Western nations was replaced by the more America friendly 'Stan Smith goes to Washington’. Explosives are used in cinemas showing this film as a forewarning to all British or American citizens. Muslims who became legendary on their national holiday, September 11th 2001, often like blowing things up, as depicted in their holy book, 'the beginner's guide to making explosives'.

See also[edit]