Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Hide and Go Jesus
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“You're trying too hard. All you gotta do is relax your eyes and look through the picture.”
“Its Waldo Gone Godly.”
“Mormons and Jews are Automatically Disqualified.”
Hide and Go Jesus, also known as Missing Christos or InvisaMessiah, is the internationally-recognized champion of Hide-and-Go-Seek, an important spiritual bedrock of the Christian faith. Hide-and-Go-Seek, often thought to be nothing more than a simple children’s game that teaches base emotions such as shame and fear, is actually the nomination process for divinity. The game will end when someone really does find Jesus, at which point they will become the new Savior, which translates to "World's Best Hider", and the game will begin anew.
Hide-and-Go-Seek was initiated by Jehovah exactly five thousand years ago when He went looking for Adam in The Garden of Eden to laugh at his nakedness. Though omnipotent, The Lord experienced a surprising difficulty in finding Adam but found the anticipation of the search exhilarating and declared Hide-and-Go-Seek to be The Game of God.
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There is some confusion as to whether Jesus actually rode a raptor, or had a pack of attack raptors.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:Catholic Church's Version of Harry Potter
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“It means every reaction is followed by an action.”
- ~ Alfred E. Neuman on Karma.
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Azathoth and Nyarlathotep - Black Metal - Cthulhu - Devilution - Evil - Fred Phelps - Guy Fawkes - Holy Grail - Islam - Joan of Arc - Klestosapharot - LaVeyan Vegetarianism - McJesus - Noddy - Poutine - Qu'ran - Religious relic trading - Scientology - Totally Torah: Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers. - Unquotable:God - Virtue - Why?:Join a Satanic cult - Xenu - Yenta -
ZephyrReligious Articles That Need Help
Angry Atheist - Belief - Church of Awesomeness - Discalced Carmelites - Existence - Fitna - Great Permissive Dude in the Sky Who Lets Us Do Whatever We Want - Hedwig and the angry inch - It's hard out here for a pimp - Jeohovas witness - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Mono - Neo-Confusionism - Original sin - Passover - Quakers - Republican Jesus - Splenda - The Midnight Sun - Un-religion - Veggiestrology - Whitism -
Zucchini