Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.

By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.

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Highlighted Featured Article

God

“God is dead.”
~ Nietzsche on God, 1882

“You bet He is!”
~ Satan on God, 1886

“Nietzsche is dead. Guess who won that bet?”
~ God on Nietzsche, 1900

God (who also goes by the aliases Yahweh, Allah and Jehovah to evade debt collectors) is the supreme Holy Lord. He is perhaps best known for creating all of existence, with the exception of Himself, unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, and Devil's food cake. He is burdened with the unfathomable responsibility of sustaining the vital equilibria that allow life to continue, such as answering prayers, starting wars, ending wars and making stars twinkle. Despite this responsibility, God Himself shoehorns these important tasks into the corner whenever an important sports game or horse race is on, as He is the universe's most notorious compulsive gambler.

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Highlighted Image

The Messiah, goes to Heaven for three days, to let his Father borrow His glue gun.

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Books and Other Media

UnBooks - UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation

UnScripts - UnScripts:Who built the moon

Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps

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Religion in the News

UnNews:Face of Jesus discovered on seabed

UnNews:Bishops warn against Reiki

UnNews:Ahmadinejad: Holocaust Was Really Big Gay Jew Sex Party

UnNews:Godless Europeans blast US technological dominance

UnNews:Conservapedia demands proof for the existence of science

UnNews:Heavens rejoice as Dow surpasses 14,000

UnNews:Noah's ark to sail again

UnNews:Man sues God; is smited

UnNews:Seals of the Apocalypse discovered

UnNews:Virgin Shark gives birth to Aquatic Messiah

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Quote of the Week

“You also agree that you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.”

~ Apple iTunes EULA Part 10 on stupid policies (Don't believe me? Google it!}}

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