Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
By far the holiest portal you will ever find. |
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Paradise Inc.
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“Kneeling, in silent prayer, I was taken by the Lord”
Paradise Inc., the conglomorate in which all the major Deities have employment (except me), is a company dedicated to (according to their Mission Statement) "a Wholesome, Godly alternative to the depression, misery, ignorance, hatred, sickness, death, and terrible odor human beings, our prized clients, encounter in their everyday lives."
As a responce to this blatant false advertising, Paradise is being sued by The Dark side has Cookies Enterprises for deceiving the masses (need we go on?).
Describing themselves as a "a firm for the nihilism-averse", Paradise Inc. is in the business of "providing useful Mythical stories to assuage Humanity's universal existential anguish."
Paradise Inc.'s motto is "Paradise; for a price"
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There is some confusion as to whether Jesus actually rode a raptor, or had a pack of attack raptors.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:God's Guide to Parenting
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“It's the smart way to get out.”
- ~ Oscar Wilde on Jehovah witness protection program
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Atheism (religion) - Black Metal - Church of Later Day Saints - Deviled eggs - Eris Discordia - Fred Phelps - God v. Nietzsche - HowTo:Find God - Is the bear a Catholic? - Jesus and the Miracle 5 - Kaspar Hauser - Lutheranism - Monk seal - Occult - Pascal's wager - Qu'ran - Cliff Richard - Smeg - Tibet - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps - Voidism - Walpurga (saint) - Xristianity - Yiddish -
Zombie JesusReligious Articles That Need Help
Anti-Semitism - Bassism - Cod - Duckism - Eris (Space) - Freeslam - Greek mythology - Holy - It's hard out here for a pimp - Jeohovas witness - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Moloch - New atheism - Original sin - Protestantism - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Republican Jesus - Space Clowns - Twenty two - United Church of Awesome - Veggiestrology - We Are Scientists -
Zucchini