Terrierists
“Who let the dogs out? More importantly, who gave them explosives training?”
“Shit”
Terrierists are a secret organisation of canine terrorists who plot to strike blows to human civilisation with major terrorist attacks and public spectacles. In essence they are dogs with bombs. But they're organised. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Formation[edit]
The Terrierist organisation was formed in 1975 by founding member and all round bad egg, Osama Dane Laden. The mutt in question was already known to local authorities for repeated offenses including, urinating against lamp posts and not cleaning up his own shit. Osama had an epiphany after a random human passer-by told him he was a "bad dog". This led the cunning canine to develop a pure hatred for humanity and their superior attitude towards dogs. Osama gave some rousing speeches at many civil rights rallies, but all humans were unable to understand him as he was talking dog. This further fueled his hatred and he vowed to end humanity's reign of terror once and for all. He then trained himself in hand to paw combat and how to use an automatic rifle with only his mouth. He also became adept at the development of explosives, somehow. As his reputation grew, so did his support. He is known to currently have at least 3000 followers, all armed to, and including, the teeth. He has struck many crushing blows against the human race and is now public enemy number 37. The organisation has since grown in size and wealth. They are focused and ruthless in their objective to overthrow humanity, unless they see a cat or someone throws a stick or a ball.
9/11 Attacks[edit]
On September 11th 2001, the Terrierists struck a huge blow against humanity. It was the biggest terror attack ever committed by the organisation. It shook the world and the effects of the attack still resonate to this day. Three combat trained, doggy suicide bombers flew a plane into the Grand Canyon. Unfortunately for the Terrierists their attack coincided with the the slightly more famous 9/11 attacks on the Twin Towers. Because of this, the attacks by the Terrierists went largely unnoticed, in fact it wasn't even reported by most news stations. Alright, no one noticed. At all. No one. Well a hermit living illegally in the canyon itself noticed but he was drunk on cheap wine at the time and thought it was a figment of his drunken imagination. This was largely a failure for the Terrierist organisation but the operatives involved did, however, succeed in managing to catch their own tails.
Beliefs[edit]
The Terrierists are, of course, a religious fanatical organisation (what else?). They are a sect in the dominant canine religion 'Arf, which believes that there is some kind of great dog in the sky that watches over all canines and condemns all humans and cats to some kind of pit where the damned burn for all eternity and are forced to eat dog food and lick their own testicles for all eternity. The Terrierists believe that if they kill themselves in the name of their god, called Clifford the Big Red Dog, then they will pass instantly into doggy heaven where they will be awaited by three hundred assorted poodles ready to be humped. As well as this each martyr will get a Paris Hilton each, because it is well known that she is a dog. This tempting offer of some dog booty often leads many young angst ridden, sexually frustrated teenage dogs to join the cause. In fact most terrorist organisations run off the power of angst-y teenagers. Who are brainwashed into terrorism and then blow themselves sky-high.
Controversy[edit]
As expected, the Terrierists attract controversy wherever they go. This isn't really surprising as their one goal is to wipe out humanity. The Daily Mail referred to them as "the greatest atrocity since immigrants and asians"; in contrast however, Fox News completely ignored the various stories about the organisation and instead choose to concentrate on a series of fabricated lies about a fantastical group called Al Qaeda. This made up terrorist cell is the biggest cover up since The Holocaust and the copycat Osama Bin Laden is nothing but a sinister puppet for the evil genius Barney.