Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
By far the holiest portal you will ever find. |
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
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The fifty part Genesis series of plays were written by Moses (7 Adar 2368 - 7 Adar 2488 in the Hebrew calendar, ??? - ??? in the Gregorian calendar) during a sojourn to Sinai. God Himself dictated them to Moses, who complained about the sand and the heat while transcribing the lengthy tale in Hebrew shorthand (no vowels). To thank God, he gave Him top billing. Moses, however, kept all the royalties.
Moses went on to pen Exodus (a good Hebrew/bad Egyptian story about a loose cannon prophet named Moses who plays by his own rules), Leviticus (like Sparticus, but with 'Lev'. Also, Moses), Numbers (an esoteric treatise on Moses' journey from Sinai to Moab), and Deuteronomy (three one-man, Moses-centric plays), but he never again attained the success that he had with Genesis. After this five part collection (Torah! Torah! Torah! in Hebrew) entered the public domain other writers added to the canon, which were eventually gathered together in an omnibus edition, commonly called the Hebrew Bible.
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If McGuyver were a Messiah, this move would convince all infidels of his holy power to kick ass.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:God's Guide to Parenting
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended.”
- ~ God on Apatheism
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Aniassism - Jamshid Bauerdinedshad - Church - Damnation - Evil - Fecundism strategy - Guy Fawkes - HowTo:Be a Good Catholic - ITSCON - Jedi - Khalil Gibran - Lo Pan's Razor - Mazda - Necrophilia - Prophet polywag - Quakerism - Rambo - Satanic Bible - Theocracy - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps - Voidism - Worshippers of the Absolutely Amazing Electric Jellyfish - Xenu - Yiddish -
ZoroasterReligious Articles That Need Help
Angry Atheist - Belief - Colloquialism - Deity Election - Easter of the Living Dead - Feng shui - God-Fearing Republicans - Horoscopes - It's hard out here for a pimp - Jesús - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Mono - New atheism - Original sin - Protestantism - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Republican Jesus - Splenda - That 700 Club - Un-religion - Veggiestrology - Whitism -
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