Portal:Religion

Portal:Religion

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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal. By far the holiest portal you will ever find.

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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.

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Highlighted Featured Article

Captain Jesus

“YARRR! Avast ye maties, thar be our messiah!”

~ Any pirate on Captain Jesus

For the other captain who has messianic qualities, see Captain Jack Sparrow.

Jesus de Christo (pronounced Jesse Enfield), or, as his crew acknowledges him, Captain Jesus, is the leader of the pirate vessel, The Ark and son of famed science man Chuck Norris. Many pirates hail him as the High Seas Messiah, although most just go 'arr!' and get back to whatever they were doing before he happened to walk up to them.

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Highlighted Image

Jesus survived 40 days in the desert, thanks to his trusty automatic weapon.

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Books and Other Media

UnBooks - UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation

UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden

Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps

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Religion in the News

• UnNews:Sarah Palin gets done doggy style

• UnNews:God Rewrites the Bible

• UnNews:God found alive, well and working on a much less ambitious project.

• UnNews:Chupacabras latest pet craze

• UnNews:Couple goes to Kingdom Hall by mistake

• UnNews:Obama's divine powers fading

• UnNews:In space, no one can hear the call to prayerl

• UnNews:McDonald's Should Be Boycotted

• UnNews:Shopping assistants aspire to become serial killers

• UnNews:Third Coming of Jesus Christ Prophesised!

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Quote of the Week

“That was Zen, this is Tao.”

~ Lao Tzu on The Hydrogen bomb.

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Did you know...

• ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
• ...God is pissed off?
• ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
• ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
• ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
• ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
• ...Bahais have the best bud?
• ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
• ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
• ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
• ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
• ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?

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Spiritually Bankrupt Articles

Religion

'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Angels - Boristany - Change - Darwinism - Eris Discordia - Father Christmas - God v. Nietzsche - Hieronymus Bosch - ITSCON - Judas Eukaryote - Kabbalah - Landover Baptist Church - Meaning of life - Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God - Praise The Lord - Qu'ran - Religious relic trading - Sadism - The Force - Unitarian Universalism - Voidism - Wicca - Xenu - Yenta -

Zephyr

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Religious Articles That Need Help

Archimedes - Baal - Cyborg Jesus - Deity Election - Eastern Unorthodox - Fitna - God Steiger - Hedwig and the angry inch - Intolerance - Jainism - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Moloch - Neo-Confusionism - Original sin - Passover - Qu'ran Canker Sore 31 - Rapist - Space Clowns - Trinity - Un-religion - Veggiestrology - Wikipedianity -

Zucchini