Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Seven Deadly Sins
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“One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Seven! Seven Deadly Sins! Ha ha ha ha! (Thunder!) ”
“I didn't do that”
The Seven Deadly Sins, also known as the Capital Vices (Not to be confused with the word VICE) or Cardinal Sins (Not to be confused with the high-ranking catholic priest who molested your little brother), is a classification of the most objectionable vices (Not to be confused with the device for your toothpaste) which has been used since early Christian times to educate and instruct followers concerning (morality) fallen man's tendency to sin.
The Catholic Church divided sin into two principal categories: (1) "whatever", which are relatively minor, and no one cares about, and the more severe "Capital" or Mortal sins (Not to be confused with Mortal Kombat). Mortal sins destroyed the life of grace (You bastards! I LOVE her! You killed my imaginary girlfriend, you shitholes!), and created the threat of eternal damnation unless either absolved through the sacrament of Confession, or forgiven through perfect something something something on the part of the penitent, something something bla bla bla bla, yadda yadda.
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The Messiah, goes to Heaven for three days, to let his Father borrow His glue gun.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:DIY and Carpentry Tips by Jesus Christ
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“Dickness is a side effect of being human.”
- ~ Roshi Rev. Zim_ulator on the human condition.
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Adam Smith - Black Metal - Cult - Dashboard Confessional - Existence of God - Father Christmas - Guy Fawkes - HowTo:Find God - ITSCON - Jew Beanie - Khalil Gibran - Landover Baptist Church - Maximus the Lesser - Ninja-Pirate Assembly of God - Pantheism - Qu'ran - Racism - Stan - Tooth Fairy - Unintelligent Design - Virtue - Wild Jews - XBible 360 - You have two cows/19 -
ZephyrReligious Articles That Need Help
Atheist Doctrine - Barbie doll worship - Canonization - Deity Election - Eucharist - Fuck it - Great Permissive Dude in the Sky Who Lets Us Do Whatever We Want - Hi-fi - It's hard out here for a pimp - JR "Bob" Dobbs - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Male Reproductive System: Attorney At Law - Nun - Original sin - Passover - Quakers - Republican Jesus - Splenda - That 700 Club - Un-religion - Veggiestrology - Whitism -
Zucchini