Portal:Religion
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Welcome to Uncyclopedia's Religion portal.
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Religion is the act of worshipping a creed or deity in which one has mistakenly attributed supernatural powers. 'True Believers' are also known as schizophrenic or having a neurological disorder in scientific, medical, or sane circles. It was invented by tribal leaders at least 2 million years ago in order to control and financially exploit the citizenry and in the Western proper World was still going strong until the separation of Church and State. In the 3rd or improper World it's business as usual. Typically god is portrayed as a giant bearded dragon in the sky that flies around granting wishes, and invoking his wrath. But there are other variations.
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Westboro Baptist Church
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The Westboro Baptist Church is a cult of a bunch of hypocritical bashing pig monsters and is the lone bastion of reason and morality in a world gone mad. They are in the response of a rejected acceptance to the KKK, who believed the church to be less gay than they are. Logically, it is located in Fageka, Fagsas, home to intelligent design and the rock super-group of the same name. The Church, which is rumored to have in excess of twelve members and to be growing by no less than none every year, is headed by misunderstood idiot-savant and knight-errant of goodness Fag Phelps, attorney-at-law, who originally turned in an application to join the KKK community college in San Francisco, but was rejected in favor that he was not white washed enough and had written on the line that said "PLEASE DO NOT WRITE HERE; OTHERWISE YOU ARE TOO STRAIGHT".
Under Phelps' utterly creative, sometimes incendiary and always visionary leadership, the Westboro Baptist Fag Church has successfully drawn the ire of pretty much everyone in the world. It has achieved this well-thought-out and beneficial aim by rejoicing at natural disasters, the spread of disease and other afflictions on humankind that are generally regarded by the rest of the world as a time for compassion and mourning.
Ironically, due to its obsession with celebrating misery (particularly with signs such as "GOD HATES YOU" and "AMERICA IS DOOMED"), the Church has itself in recent years invited what it considers unwelcome attention to its activities, including vicious beatings of its members, intermittent showerings of its compound with pig feces, and yet more vicious beatings of its members.
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The Messiah, goes to Heaven for three days, to let his Father borrow His glue gun.
Books and Other Media
UnBooks - UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation
UnScripts - UnScripts:Genesis, Episode II: In the Garden of Eden
Unfomercials - Unfomercials:Religious Leader Trumps
Religion in the News
Quote of the Week
“Eh, it's fine, really. No big deal. I'm not offended.”
- ~ God on Apatheism
Did you know...
- ...that Buddhists have higher cancer rates than Eskimos?
- ...God is pissed off?
- ...that Religion is the longest running joke ever?
- ...that Jews souls are made out of bucky balls?
- ...Glenn Beck cries on television because he's a Mormon?
- ...Zoroaster drives Uhurus Mazda?
- ...Bahais have the best bud?
- ...good Muslims only get 61 virgins after taxes?
- ...Mayan prophesies predicted Quantum Computing?
- ...the Shinto religion encourages rabid badger juggling?
- ...that Jesus Christ really hated sand?
- ...that Buddah became overweight after his dad called him a Commercialist?
Spiritually Bankrupt Articles
'Til Eulenspiegel's merry pranks - Anti-Baker - Bonerism - Church of Later Day Saints - Devilution - Evil Jesus - First Fundamentalist Church of Skepticism, Reformed - God-Fearing Republicans - HowTo:Avoid - Ignatius of Loyola - Jesus theory - Klestosapharot - Lutheranism - Multi religion switching - New Clothes, (Emperor's), The - Protestant - Quakerism - Robert Tilton - Sacrifice - The History of The World, Condensed Into One Uncyclopedia Article - Unitarian Universalism - Voidism - Why?:Join a Satanic cult - XBible 360 - You have two cows/19 -
ZephyrReligious Articles That Need Help
Archimedes - Bill (son of God) - Creation - Duckism - Eris (Space) - Fuck it - Gah - Heresy - It's hard out here for a pimp - Jesus 2.0 - Kansas Board of Education - Martin Luther King Jr. - Male Reproductive System: Attorney At Law - Neo-Confusionism - Original sin - Protestant Reformation - Quakers - Republican Jesus - Santa Claus - The Midnight Sun - Un-religion - Veggiestrology - Whitism -
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