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The singer's immortality has terrified even the strongest of political leaders.

Madonna Louise Ciccone is a mysterious, immortal, almighty, demon-like, muscle-bound yet still sexy creature that is believed by some to be the reason why God hates humanity. While nobody knows the true name or nature of this being, she was christened Madonna at birth but we can assure you that this lady is almost certainly not a virgin. Perhaps more commonly known as the 'Queen of Pop,' mostly due to the fact she has outlived all other contenders. Some say she has been around since the dawn of man, just by drinking the sweat of cats (see: immortality).

Acting career[edit]

A body of evidence.

After much success in the music industry, Madonna still needed more fame and a more diverse career. And the film industry was the perfect vehicle. After a highly successful debut in the movie Desperately Seeking Susan, where she played the Seattle-based title whore, she began the candid, behind-the-scenes documentary Having Sex With Madonna, a movie that convinced everyone to buy it by pretending to be pornography you could buy without buying pornography.

Madonna quickly took the role in the 1993 megahit movie Body of Evidence, where again, viewers almost got to see her having sex.

Guy Ritchie[edit]

Madonna joined the Soviet Union after leaving America.

On December 22, 2000, Madonna married Guy Ritchie in a giant replica of her uterus. It didn't take long for Guy to knock up his new spouse and the baby was named Rocco. Rocco's birth was shrouded in controversy as Madonna was having her vagina surgically repaired at the time, and he had to be born anally. After the success (or failure, it varies from person to person) of Stale Candy, Guy Ritchie couldn't take being married to a whore and divorced her. Madonna got so angry that she kicked him so hard, he flew to Lebanon. Feeling a bit sad, she wrote a song called Miles Away, which is about Guy being very far away from her. Madonna realized that she already made that song, so she "revised" it and released it as Niles, Away!, which is about the butler from The Nanny. In a later interview, Guy said that he couldn't find a vacuum cleaner that sucked more than Madonna's songs, so he married the second best thing. He also said that "sleeping with Madonna was like sleeping with a lump of sinewy meat" as a direct comparison to Madonna's extremely toned body. Lastly, Guy laments that Madonna got custody of Oprah, who is now learning the ways of Kabbalah.

Creating Malawi[edit]

Madonna stunned the world when she accidentally adopted the entire male population of Liberia. With all of these kids, Madonna thought of what to do. An idea struck her, and she put them inside giant maracas, and started shaking them. She soon regretted this, so she made up a fictional country, Malawi. When Malawi denied her the right to adopt children there, she became angry and recorded the sound of children screaming while being shaken inside a giant maraca. The noise became Madonna's next album, "Me Against the Catholicism". It's not considered one of her better albums.


A Madonna, the name inspired by her dentition.

With her long-spanning music career, she effectively flourished in her art, which consisted of songs about sex, women, she-men, and compelling teenagers to dress like her without consideration of their level of attractiveness, weight, and gender. Her "art" also encourages everyone to sleep with as many creatures and inanimate things as they can, while teaching them how to pretend to like rough sex and have thousands of orgasms. She most effectively shared her teachings by authoring a book, that won six Gaddafi Freedom Prizes, four Reebok Human Rights awards and nine Blockbuster Awards.

Unlike many artists Madonna is able to sing simultaneously via her vagina, anus, and mouth, all three of which can be mic'd during performances. It is a little known fact that many of the "background" vocals on her earlier albums were actually emanating from her non-oral orifices, both of which have vocal characteristics quite different from her main singing voice. Many higher pitched vocals such as those on Like a Virgin came from her anus, while more soulful vocals such as the background singing on Borderline were the typical sound of her vagina. Madonna gradually stopped using her anus for backup vocals as it had become over-dilated and could no longer hit the higher registers. However, she does still use various farting techniques in some of her later works, and even used it to emulate a stage light during one performance of Ray of Light.

Madonna is currently going through what us humans refer to as a 'midlife crisis' at the age of 67. This will excrete itself through another 2 or 3 albums worth of trite drivel, after which Madonna will become a painter, re-create Francis Bacon's studio, and present the Antiques roadshow from it. In a recent interview in Finland, she mentioned the possibility of a duo with Chris Martin from Coldplay. On hearing this the cameraman doused himself in petrol and set himself alight.


Year Album Singles
1983 Madonna (later renamed as The First Time)
  • Everybody (Can Fuck Me)
  • Fucking Up
  • Fuck's Day
  • Bitchy Star
  • Fucking in da Border of U.S.
1984 Licking A Virgin
  • Licking A Virgin (touched for the 241358th time)
  • Material Bitch
  • Angel Of Pussy
  • Into My Pussy
  • Dress You Up (After Fuck)
  • (Fuck Me) Over And Over
1985 Vision Sex (Soundrack of the eponymous XXX movie.)
  • Crazy for Your Dick
  • Fucker
1986 True Blue Balls
  • Live To Fuck
  • Papa Don't Dissapoint (About your Sex Offer)
  • True Blue Balls
  • Open My Ass
  • La Isla Maldita (La Maldición Del Sexo Eterno)
1987 Who's That Bitch? (Soundtrack of another porn movie starred by herself.)
  • Who's that Bitch?
  • Causing an Erection
  • The Look of Fuck
1988 You Can Fuck(Remixes)
  • Sexlight
1989 Like A Sucker
  • Like A Sucker
  • Express Your Sex
  • Fetish
  • Oh Father (Don't Rape Me)
  • Dear Pussy
  • Put It Together
1990 I'm Sexless (Another soundtrack of another movie starring this woman: "The Dick of Tracy")
  • Bondage
  • Fucky Dicky
1990 The Immaculate Felation (Best Hits)
  • Justify Your Whore
  • Fuck Me
1992 Erotica
  • Erotica
  • Deeper... Deeper!!!
  • Bad Bitch
  • Fever (Of Sex)
  • Rain Of Semen
  • Bye Bye Baby (I Just Squeezed You)
1994 Sex With Honors (Other XXX movie starring Madge.)
  • I'll Remember Your Sex
1994 Sextime Stories
  • Secret Pussy
  • Take A Blowjob
  • Sextime Stories
  • Bitch By Nature
1995 Big Dick to Remember (Sex ballads compilation)
  • I'm Fuck You
  • You'll Fuck/Follarás
  • One More Sex
  • Dicks Don't Leave Here Anymore
1998 Ray Of Cum
  • Frozen Dick
  • Ray Of Cum
  • Drowned Wet Pussy
  • The Power Of My Fuck
  • Fucking Really Matters
1999 The Spy Who Fucked Me (XXX movie soundtrack)
  • Beautiful Sex with Strangers
2000 The Next Best Dick (XXX movie soundtrack)
  • American Pussy
  • Time Stood Still When You Fucked Me
2000 Lubric
  • Lubric
  • Don't Tell Me (Just Fuck Me)
  • What It Feels Like For A Bitch
  • Paradise (Is Your Dick)
2003 American Dick
  • Fuck Another Man
  • American Dick
  • Hollywood Bitch
  • Everything Nothing Fits (In My Pussy)
  • Fuck Profusion
2003 In The G Point (Britney Spears album)
  • Me Fucking The Music (and your Dick).
2005 Confessions Of A Dancer Whore
  • Fuck Up
  • Sorry (I'm Old)
  • Get To An Orgy
  • Jump (To My Bed)
2008 Hard Dick
  • 4 Minutes (To Cum)
  • Give Me 2 Dicks
  • Whores Away
  • Spanish Sex Lesson
2009 Prostitution (Best Hits)
  • Prostitution
  • My Sex Is Revolver
  • It's so Hot
2012 MDNA (Acronym of "Million Dicks Now in my Ass")
  • Give Me All Your Fuckin'
  • Granny Gone Wild
  • Fuck Up the Radio
  • Gang Bang Me
2015 Rebel Pussy
  • Living for Sex
  • Sextown
  • Illuminated Sex
  • I'm Bitch, I'm Old, I'm Madonna
2018 Quevo Munchy (collaboration)
  • Championing like Rose (ft. Cardi B and Quavo)
2019 Single
  • Medallón! (ft. Maluma)

As seen in her albums, Madonna not just deals with banal and tired topics like sex and parties. But also deals with important and profound topics like her vagina love, society, religion, sex diversity, politics, economy and the strange fashion trends imposed by herself.

See also[edit]