Schoolgirl
Schoolgirls (Japanese: 女性高校性交係の者), historians argue, are obviously from Japan and that their various leaders are girls who are too old and big breasted to be real schoolgirls - however, no one complains as long as the size of the breasts maintains a 4x ratio over the age.
Proof as follows -
A person is a schoolgirl as long as the following condition is met (where breast size is denoted as , and years of age as ):
On the intarweb, it may be noticed that this inequation is not followed and therefore bunk.
Schoolgirls are also the scarcest commodity on Earth, if demand is any indication. Most everyone wants one but schoolgirls remain hard to mine, and it is especially difficult to get hold of pretty-coloured ones. In the time of Final Fantasy schoolgirls were the preferred currency of the populace with schoolgirls such as Rikku often being counterfeited by ugly cosplayers.
Japan[edit]
Schoolgirls, responsible for roughly one third of the nation's GDP, are a staple crop on three of Japan's four main islands: Honshu, Kyushu, and Yngwie. Hokkaido relies mainly on beer and cows.
School girls are a versatile crop and grow during all seasons, though they are most commonly harvested in spring. They become ripe when their panties turn from white to Victoria's Secret. Consumption of green schoolgirls is strictly controlled by the Japanese government as they are considered an addictive substance comparable to cocaine. However, during the early years of harvest, School girls are vulnerable from tentacle rape attacks as well as other otaku infestations. Only recently, has the government discovered the power of Ero games, to distract these deviants during the harvest season.
Outside Japan[edit]
Non-Japanese schoolgirls either don't exist, or aren't funny. Same difference.
Clarification[edit]
Schoolgirl in this sense is used for girls that attend classes from High School to College.......Thusly, the word is used as a blanket term that also includes consenting adults. This term also applies to any female humanoid engaging in the production of pornography while thinking about Japanese culture or being raped by an alien tentacle monster. Also, the internet and masturbation were both exclusively invented for schoolgirls, it was only when other races discovered it that the Human-Kitten war began.
The sub-species of Schoolgirl[edit]
The Japanese Schoolgirl (生まんこ) is responsible for saving the world in the Human vs. Kitten War by masturbating for weeks on end after the creation of the Internet. A subspecies of the schoolgirl and girl, the Japanese Schoolgirl uses the Hello Kitty Vibrator to masturbate and compare breast sizes at slumber parties. In their free time, these schoolgirls enjoy manga, crack, Sapphic Fun, and the comical stylings of Monty Python. Sometimes the government would hire them to hunt down tentacle monsters or help recruit girls to the new religion called yuri.
Value on the Open Market[edit]
Highly coveted for their musical squealing abilities, many alien cultures (including Martians, Klingons, various tentacle-armed species and Yodas) lust after the undomesticated schoolgirl. Well-fed virgin schoolgirls usually fetch 25,000 zooleks, though price fluctuates dependent the latest census and breast size. Schoolgirl hunters like Christopher Shyu (Gnarfard) also venture to capture Schoolgirls in their natural habitat for sale. It also helps if the buyer is desperate. Joan of Arc was purchased by God from a French farmer for two waterfalls made of gold and some Speed Stick. By comparison, George Washington purchased his wife, Martha, for a moth-eaten goatskin hat. Clearly it's a sellers' market.
Equipment[edit]
As a safety precaution, most schoolgirls are groped and disarmed before sale and summarily sprayed with pesticides to prevent tentacle rape. Typical items collected from their clutch purses by the seller's Mongoloid henchman include: body glitter, used bandaids, lolipops, ipods, retarded puppies, magical broomsticks (for "witch school"), gigantic hammers, paper fans, birth control pills, and .38 snubnosed revolvers.