HowTo:Pick up female nerds
Short Version: With a crane.
“Your breast-pixels are 400x300. Let's engage in online sex over IRC!”
“Haha, you damn n00b, that's not even big.”
Welcome nerds, to How to pick up female nerds in the Relationships and Health course. Here, we will teach you how to pick up female nerds. Now, let's get started. Oh, and if you're a geek, follow the same procedure. Just replace "nerd" and "nerdette" with "geek" and "geekette". If you're a popular nerd, then chances are that you will find someone. Just keep yourself clean and handsome, m'kay?
|
HowTo This article is part of Uncyclopedia's HowTo series. See more HowTos |
The Female Nerd[edit]
A female nerd is also known as a nerdette, (nur'duet~e) for starters. Both nerds and nerdettes usually do what they usually do, such as going to Star Trek conventions, play against each other online and so on (See nerd if you want more information of what a nerd does). As a bonus, nerdettes love handsome nerds. Some nerdettes wear glasses, to make themselves look like a true nerdette[1].
Recognizing a nerdette[edit]
A nerdette could wear (or have):
- Glasses (if they're short-sighted from playing too much World of Warcraft)
- A fanny pack (also known as a bum bag)
- No sense of Style
- An IQ of higher than 110. That is, an awesome brain.
- Awesome PWNAGE
- Likes hard maths such as calculus and algebra.
- A large collection of Star Trek memorabilia.
- A shirt with any reference to Monty Python (Huge tracts of land, ect.)
- An awe-inspiring array of acne or pimples from countless hours of mind blowing orgasmic gaming.
Please note that if you find a girl with any of the the above, she is more than likely a nerdette.
Nerdy Love[edit]
Now before dating a nerdette, we would continue on with the strictest rules as possible. Most importantly never invite her to an online MMORPG battle, unless she wants to, that is. The easiest way, like ordinary dating, is to stalk her ask what she likes. While dating a nerdette, take her out to the movies (preferrably Sci-Fi movies to keep in the geek or nerd theme). If you succeed in getting her IP address, remember that it might be a dynamic IP, and you won't have forever to make your next move. Compete her against maths, especially Sudoku or Algebra. And most importantly, have cybersex with her if she wants it. If she doesn't, just do something else with her. Be sure to obey the rules, otherwise you'll end up banned dumped forever. If you want, you can write poems such as[2]:
- Roses are #FF0000,
- Violets are #0000FF,
- All my base
- Are belong to you!
Another poem in Haiku form could be:
Attractive nerdettes
Never Gonna Give You Up
No! Rick Rolled again!
Other tips can be found [here http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/articles/how-land-lady-nerd]
Do not scan for open ports unless she turns off her firewall. Unauthorized port-scanning can cause a permanent error.
The Cybersex and Actual Sex[edit]
As proven in various online communities such as 4chan, there are many who believe that the female nerd, much like the female orgasm or the Clitoris, does not exist. There is widespread debate as to this point and no consensus has yet been reached[3] Until the theory of the female nerd is proven or disproven, when asked to engage in cybersex simply assume that all parties saying "18/f/Texas" are likely 40/m/Their Mother's Basement. The advantage of cybersex with a nerdette you are currently dating is that you don't get STDs or any other shocking diseases like that, and you don't need a condom. Whatever you do, do not have cybersex with another nerdette, otherwise it gets pretty nasty. On the other hand, an actual sex will work out for you, as you get fitter, but you may end up stopping being a nerd, along with getting STDs.
Just one more note[edit]
If she wants to marry you, say yes. Say no, and she'll be sad. Same as in reverse: if you want to marry her, she'll either say yes or no. That ends the class on relationships. Now your homework is to go to Wikipedia and research on nerds and geeks- male and female. And also, if you want to stop being a nerd or a geek, or want to ask a normal girl out, look in this section below: