Geddy Lee

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Geddy Lee vomiting up a microphone and stand, while simultaneously wailing on his sword disguised as a bass.

“Ow.”

~ Dogs on Geddy Lee

“He sings like my grandmother. She sings unwell, just like him.”

~ Robert Christgau on Geddy Lee's voice

Gary Lee Weinrib, OC, better known as Geddy Lee (born July 29, 1953), is the king of bass guitarists from the magical, unknown/uncared about and possibly nonexistent land known as Canada, where the sweet, precious syrup called "Maple" flows from trees, people beat the crap out of each other with L-shaped sticks on a bed of ice over a tiny black disc, and mysterious, strange creatures called "Moose" roam the land.

He is also currently the bass player and vocalist for the progressive rock band (progressive rock from the Latin term meaning 'makes no sense to anyone') Rush, with invisible arpeggio sweeper Alex Lifeson, and cymbal cleaner Neil Peart.

He is credited with inventing the bass guitar. When playing a real guitar the bottom two strings broke and he neglected to replace him. A group of very lazy people now called "bassists" thought that was a really neat idea, the bassists then decided to make Geddy their king.

Early life[edit]

Geddy Lee was born July 29, 1953, in Moosenosehair Valley, Canada. His mother, Céline Dion, was raped by a masked attacker later revealed to be K.D Lang. Dion tried to keep Geddy a secret. She felt that he would damage her career more than the song that sank Titanic and drowned Leonardo DiCaprio. Geddy's birth was a miraculous one, at first the doctors thought he was dead because he made no noise at all. After running tests they concluded that his voice was in fact too high pitched for humans to hear. This made his childhood incredibly difficult. His only friends were a pair of white mice. They eventually got so annoyed with his high pitched screeching that they committed suicide. Geddy was so traumatized by this he created an imaginary friend, which he named Alex Lifeson. Alex was created to laugh at his jokes, not make fun of his voice, and most importantly be the only person on the face of the planet with a worse haircut.

The dawn of Rush[edit]

Thankfully, when Geddy reached puberty, his voice became audible to humans. Being teenagers, Geddy and Alex started a band to attract girls. They teamed up with drummer Neil Peart, who to this day has no knowledge of Alex Lifeson's existence, and all the planets aligned.

Their first gig was at a high school dance; those who survived the night described it as follows: "Most everyone ignored them completely. There were a few complaining about how the lyrics don't make any sense or whatever, but there were like five people in the front hypnotized." Afterward the band hoped that maybe their appeal would widen to more than five people. Geddy was more disappointed at the lack of girls hanging out afterward. He then went home and watched Lifetime movies until his manhood was restored.

Geddy Lee experiencing religious ecstacy./religious bliss, pictured.

Rush is a Progressive Rock band/Dream Theater tribute band formed in Toronto, Canada, made prominent by/known for its revolutionary utilization of the East Polish folk music singing style "szkwał banshee," also known as "Banshee Squall." The band consists of Geddy "unintelligible screeching" Lee - an accomplished bass guitarist, John Myung impersonator, keyboardist and eagle-caller, guitarist Alex "I Play Guitar Good But Don't Get Recognized Often Enough" Lifeson, and his majesty, God of Percussion, He Who Is Holy And Above All Names, He Who Hath Giveth The Immortal Mike Portnoy Himself An Approving Thumbs-Up, Neil "I Have Arthritis and Can Not Tour" Peart. Though the style of the group has varied wildly in range — akin to the vocal range of singer Lee, Rush has contributed a large and rich volume of works to the public sphere, including 2112, a popular children's album based on mathematics that, in turn, heavily influenced the onset of the genre Math Rock that followed in the wake of Dream Theater's revelation to the world, A Dramatic Turn of Events. and His Holiness, Second to the God of Percussion, He Who Is Holy And Above All Names Non-Keith,

Early Career & Formation[edit]

“And he spake unto me, 'His name is Neil.'”

~ Geddy Lee on His Prophecy from John Myung

The original lineup and musical philosophy of the band named Rush was similar to that of fellow Progressive Rock/Christian Contemporary Music group, Genesis. Rush was originally intended to play Christian venues following the evangelist Billy Graham, though after Jewish-Canadian/Polish-Canadian singer Gary Lee Weinrib (baptized as Geddy Lee) was accused of attempting to sway of the Southern Baptist Graham's congregations to the doctrine of the burgeoning Pentecostal charismatic movement (with one event led by Lee consisting of nothing but unintelligible, high-pitched shrieking being mistaken as speaking totally in unknown, foreign tongues as prominent in Charismatic Christian doctrine/ - speaking in tongues being a prominent doctrine in the Charismatic movement), this iteration of Rush was fast disbanded./the original lineup of Rush was scrapped.

Lee, in a bout of spiritual depression, began to search for new answers in song. Coincidentally, Alex Lifeson, a longtime friend of Lee, was also touring his own band, named "Russia." Lee was originally considered for the role of lead singer, though Lee felt that he would have been hindered by the lack of diversity in drummer John Rutsey's playing. After hearing that Lee had been ejected from Graham's personal accompaniment band, Lifeson personally extended the out of work singer an offer to join his band after their former bassist and frontman, Jeff Jones, became a born-again Christian and started a local franchise of the religious family camp Jonestown in the forests of Manitoba.

In the year of 1971, Geddy Lee was inducted full-time as a member of Russia's as the band's sole vocalist. Though originally intended as a Slavic traditional folk band, the introduction of Lee had begun circulating new music philosophy in the group. As the blues-influenced hard rock sound of the late-1960's and early-1970's led by groups such as Led Zeppelin came into full swing, Lee became fascinated by the sounds he was hearing, and Lifeson followed in with his rhythm guitar. Rutsey, who was a fanatical devotee to the idea of a Slavic traditional folk band becoming nationally prominent, objected when the other members of the band suggested that they play covers of Led Zeppelin or the Who.

Rutsey, eventually caving to the mental pressures of being left alone in his choice, bowed out of the band on July 25, 1974. At this point in time, Lee and Lifeson were in crisis. Lee, having nearly succumbed to depression by this point in time, began to pray nightly for an answer, earnestly seeking guidance from the muses. After many hours of prayer, meditation, and the ingestion of DMT concentrate, Lee received his answer. On the following day of July 26, John Myung, bass guitarist from the American supergroup, Dream Theater, appeared to Lee in a motel room he had rented for a night whilst playing a poorly-received, drummerless show in Dayton, Ohio.

According to Lee, Myung appeared to him in corporeal form and declared that Neil Peart, disciple of Keith Moon, would be his percussionist. Another prophecy was presented him that night: not only would Lee be the vocalist, but his skill would balloon to include the unprecedented tripartite role of keyboardist, bass guitarist and vocalist. Lee was then blinded for a period of three days, and on July 29, 1974, he awoke to Alex Lifeson standing before him with Neil Peart, Lee's sight restored and a faith found in a new god - John Myung.

“We only wrote Tom Sawyer to relate to American audiences.”

~ Geddy Lee on America

So you want to learn about Rush, hunh(?). Rush was crafted in 1968 by lead vocalist and bassist Jeff Jones, drummer John Rutsey and Guitar Jesus, AKA Alex Lifeson. Nobody cares about any of those people, though. Jeff Jones and John Rutsey were replaced by the walking nose and glasses, Geddy Lee, and drum lord/balding drum idol Neal Peart. Fortunately Alex stayed with the two. But nobody cares about Alex. Rush's musical style is considered the prime inbred cousin between Iron Maiden and Yes.

So what exactly created Rush?[edit]

Geddy Lee, 2004.

In 1968, three school friends (listed above) decided to try out for Canada's got Talent/Talent/america's got talent. During the performance, Jeff Jones died of a heart attack. Nobody actually gave a fuck so they replaced him with a cyborg Rutsey and Lifeson created made of B*****a S******d's DNA/a rather famous and gargantuan nose and Ozzy Osbourne's glasses. They originally called it "Gary Lee" but due to a fatal Canadian mishap its accent made it come out as "Geddy". They finally performed a song that everyone would eventually forget and got a record contract. Once this happened, Rutsey invented time travel and flew ahead to the year 2008 where he was killed. Not caring about time travel and silly things like that, they called upon Jesus to send down a drummer. God took a rib of one of his former Jesii, Alex Lifeson and created Neal Peart from it. This became the Rush we know today.

So what did they do from there?[edit]

Well, before Rutsey invented time travel, they used this contract to make an album. But nobody cared about it and it never got commercial success airplay. So Rutsey went off and they got Neal Peart created. So Rutsey went off on an wonderful adventure that would later make a wonderful documentary. So they got God to have Neal Peart created. "We are the priests,of the Temples of Syrinx,our great computers are held,within these walls. -The Priests of the Temples of Syrinx on Rush.

Geddy has the highest woman's voice in the world, Their formation began in Willowdale, Canada, where Geddy Lee was walking down the street and met Neil Peart. One of their more known songs, as you might've already guess it is, is titled Huckleberry Finn, after the popular crazed murderer himself. Rush was formed on 1968 by Geddy Lee, the wizard and the diabetic drummer. They were a Led Zeppelin tribute band. They performed in front of crazed babies who praised Geddy Lee's voice for his natural crying nature until they were mature enough to write songs. Ray Danniels saw them in a house full of babies and was praised by their maturity of writing songs. He tried to get them a record deal in Canada but no one was really impressed. In the States, it was the same thing. So they released their first record on their own, Rush. It contains the hit singles Shitting My Way, In The Poo and Peeing Man. The record sold 100 copies in the United States and got straight to #456832000000 on Bilboard Hot 100 album charts. This album gained the praise of Cliff Bernstein, who was praised by their unability to write songs. So Rush signed on Freddie Mercury records. But the diabetic drummer died just after the release of the album of an overdose of brocoli. He was 21. So they had to search for a new drummer. And Neil Peart came in. On the auditions, Neil came with just his snare drum. And he started playing and the remaining members of the band said "He's our new drummer even if he's the worst drummer ever". His influences include Meg White and Justin Bieber. He was also the worst lyricist ever. His lyrical influences include Annnnnnnn Lynnnnnn, and her book Tha Bitchbed".

Hard Rock Era (1974-1976)[edit]

As tribute to the Almighty Myung, Lee ventured forth with Lifeson and Peart, eventually persuading the pair to follow along as disciples of his new movement. After much prayer and meditiation, Lee, Lifeson and Peart came to the conclusion that a band that adheres to faith should not share a name with a nation that shuns religious belief. Thus, the group "Russia" was christened "Rush," named for the religious group that Lee had once been a part of that was now long-defunct.

The Trinity of Saints (as they would soon become called) began to proselytize. Their first major collection of psalms, the album Fly By Night, was written as tribute to the Saint Ayn Rand, a devout follower of the faith and holder of the Objective Truths. Peart had come across her writings whilst on a spiritual journey in the United Kingdom trying to become one with the Immortal God-King of Percussion and Duke of Cinema, Keith Moon.

As Peart drafted more of their music, the band

Musical abilities[edit]

Geddy attributes his bass playing abilities to the fact that he is polydactyl. He has seven fingers on each of his hands, which he uses to Slappa' Da Bass! He also has a superfluous sixth toe on his right foot, but this does little to help his synthesizer skills, as his foot board rig consists of only one pedal board with two big buttons on it, which he mashes wildly in concert.

In order to control his erratic high pitched vocals, he runs his vocals through a pitch shifter unit always dropped by an octave to ensure that nobody's head explodes during the performance.

Super powers[edit]

Canadian researchers have spent taxpayer money to find out how Geddy can sing and play the bass and the keyboard at the same time. They have made no progress and wrote it off as just one of those things we'll never understand, remarking, "Geddy Lee works in mysterious ways. It's just one of those things we'll never understand." Americans would be outraged by this but, as Canada uses monopoly money as legal tender, most Canadians consider it money well spent.

Geddy Lee is a "neeeds many testicles" bass player. Testicles is not to be confused with Testicleese, a version of John Cleese with a tiny ballsack, considerably larger than your mom. Alex Lifeson, known for his incredible fuck guitarism, is a complete shit face dipfoot asshole. I would like to know if he has a penis or a vagina or a very odd combination of the two/three. I have a double chin. John Rutsey was their first drummer but he was kicked out because he would not stop imitating Mrs.Pac-man during practice and was a gigantic assface dickfuck. I am a midget in a car with six nose rings. Pink floyd Mockery Stage period habfoot: THis period included 24 versions of The Wall, Wish YOu Were Here, Dark Side OF the Moon, and Moving Neil's Pictures.

Notes[edit]

  1. ^  He never satisfactorily explained how he got the guitar out from behind the waterfall without ruining it.
  2. ^  Scholarly debates continue worldwide as to whether Canada actually exists. Canadians across the globe, Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, and Neil Peart, (the only 3 people who admit to being Canadian) eagerly await the final ruling on their existence.
  3. ^  Did the Rocinante have a warp core or a hyperdrive?

See also[edit]