Barry White
MMMmmmhhhh, Barely White Fry up some bacon because he's comin' over and he's not leaving till breakfast. He was born on an ice breaker in the Arctic in 1776, and floated down to Hollywood on his own, due to all the blubber that kept him afloat. He is affectionately known as the "Love Hobbler" as his women usually tend to hobble when White is through and had his fill. He was mostly found in his lounge chair, until record producers lured him on stage with bacon and naked women. He is also a walrus.
Love Walrus[edit]
Now that's the sound to get down to, whatever get down means to you, I know what it means to me. It means changing into something comfortable like a velour sweat suit, puttin my needle into another groove, and if it starts skippin don't be trippin.
Love God[edit]
Many consider Afrodiety the goddess of love. Not so. It is Barry "the Walrus" White. One utter of a syllable and you're his, man or women. The Walrus will have his bucket. ===In the mood===F**k U 2 don't HATE Appreciate THE MAN & HIS MUSIC MY MAESTRO
“It's ecstasy when you're laying down next to me”
“I'm never gonna quit, cause quitting' just ain't my schtick.”
Oh yeah baby..... when you're gettin down to it with some women's put on a little soul on the HI-FI system and you become exposed to the tone of Barry's voice, you'll feel the sensation of the resonation of the vibration. Hmmmmm..... Yeeahhh. He's ready to freak on your squeak box baby.
Sexual Chocolate[edit]
Mmmmmm it's like gravy baby. Have you ever eaten from those hot dog joints? Banditos or something downtown I was over there the other night with a fistfull of coupons eatin me some hotdogs fifteen or so when I met this beautiful woman she was a fan of Barry White and boy did I put a nickel in her love machine. It was Summer Madness. Crazy fingers all night long and in the morning I did again, nine times back to back in a hot tub, eatin ice cream at the same time. Remember don't hog it baby pass it around. I'm close as ninety-nine is to one-hundred and that's the truth Ruth you've got the fever. Guess I better go to the clinic again. Then Luke Tully stole the Sexual Chocolate fragrance from Big Bad Barry's sweaty palms and, "Tully" as he is known by friends, was pubicly denounced as a junkie.
Disappearance[edit]
Barry White disappeared in 1991 in a park in Sunderland and was on his way to a gig in Newcastle. He leapt out of his limo and told his driver "OH yeah i need to luurve this park up a notch. Oh babbbbby." That was the last time he was ever seen. However in 1992 a woman ( who may have never existed) reported a sighting of a walrus. Nobody listened to her.
Religious Experience[edit]
“One preacher turned me on, another turned me off.”
“When I commit adultery, I commit adultery with my whole heart, my whole being. I know the Bible like the back of my hand...or is it my head? I forgot.”
If you have ever felt the pulsing love of Barry White, ohhhhh yeaaaahhh, you sure as shit know that beast is either Jesus or God himself. Damn straight fool, he's the god for two things, Love (oh baby), and Spontaneous Vibration (yeah babe).... mmmmhhhhhh.
Sex Drive[edit]
“My darling I... (pause with a slow jazzy music bit in it) can't get enough of your love, babe.”
You'd best believe Barry White was known for his incredible stamina during sexual intercourse. Some women say they had him going for 17 days ramming and moaning and loving and thrusting, doing it proper until, oh shit, here it comes, whoa poppa, give me tha walrus, ride me with your blubber... oh, ohohohoho, aaahhh, aieee, mmmmmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Sadly Barry had so many good times his penis ran off and joined George W. Bush when it was later interviewed by the cbbc channel the penis said this was the worst decision he ever made.
There's Something About Bary[edit]
There's Something About Bary It's a failed sequel to the smash hit, "There's Something About Mary." This movies takes the same premise but instead of a young white woman it stars a middle aged black love machine. Hilarity ensues.
