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The Planet of the Apes is a popular destination amongst 1970s Astronauts and Charleton Heston, and features many picturesque tourist destinations.

“Sometimes, I genuinely cannot remember which planet I am on. Sorry, were you expecting some joke about Uranus?”

~ Noel Coward on Planets

“My favorite planet is the Sun.”

~ George W. Bush on Planets

A planet is a round object that is used most often in intergalactic games and sports. They are usually hollow and spherical but can be other shapes, such as ovoid (only in a few special cases) or solid (as in solar-system billiards). In most interstellar games using planets, the play of the game follows the state of the planet as it is hit, kicked, or thrown by the gods.

Popular planet games[edit]

Planet Generic, named in dedication to the ancient god, Unspecifiksy

These games can be grouped by the general objective of the game, sometimes indicating a common origin either of a game itself or of its basic idea:

  • Bat-and-planet games, in which God uses a bat in order to hit a planet out of the solar system. When a planet comes to rest one thousand light years beyond Pluto, its residents are referred to as Canadians.
  • Two-goal games, such as basket-planet and most forms of foot-planet, in which African Americans are the only planetary residents.
  • Volleying games, such as tennis-planet, in which an entire planet of girls can be seen reaching for balls while their skirts fly up, revealing little white lacy panties.
  • "Target" games, such as bowling-the-planet and golfing-the-planet, the former for lower-class white gods and the latter for wealthy white gods.


  • The purpose of playing with a planet or planet substitute such as Joe Lieberman's ego is that the focus of the game is the planet and not the opposing players. This is the origin of the phrase play the planet, not the man.
  • behind the eighth planet, at a disadvantage or in a baffling situation.
  • planet and chain, the. This was God's nickname for the Virgin Mary when he was married to her and trying to raise an entire planet of unemployed heathens on a single income.

What is a Planet Debate[edit]

Originally it was just a moving star but Nerds shattered that myth.

Currently we don’t know how many planets are in our solar system because of the Nerd Wars. The Nerds are divided into two major factions, the Retardo faction and Buttfungus faction. The Retardo network are small minded rationalists and lead by PhDs, who need mathematical formulas to make decisions. “If it can’t be described with math is aint real” is their motto.

The Retardo faction only sees eight planets: Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Most Retardos want to declassify Pluto as planet because its orbit is too weird and it’s too far away. But most importantly the formula for its orbit doesn’t fit into their mathematical formula like the , Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, Eris, Senda, Quaror, and a few others are planets. But mostly Buttfungi think that if it looks like a planet then it is a Planet. They don’t need math to justify their reasons, just gut intuition. The Buttfungus faction is only opened to people who enjoy Star Trek.

As the Retardo-Buttfungus war continues, it seems the Retardo faction will maintain the status quo.

Notable Planets[edit]

  • Vulcan: Vulcan was originally the closest planet to the Sun. Vulcan was a wee bit smaller than Pluto but fell in to the Sun around the time the wheel was invented. A race of creatures called Vulcans built space ships before this happened and landed on Earth. But Vulcans left when the Earth people tried to turn them into slaves and destroy their religion. Because of its small size the Buttfungus faction denies it was every a planet.
  • Venus: A planet that is hotter than hell itself, and the Devil has been to it to check. Seems like Venus was once like Earth, but the planet flew too close to the sun and exploded. Then out of the wreck comes Kal-El... oops, wrong story. What REALLY happened was that the oceans evaporated, which prevented the Queen Mary from coming to Aphrodite Terra in time with her cargo of refrigerator ice. Because of this, the planet's only fridge stopped working, and everything just burned up. Suckers.
  • Uranus: Home world to the Retardos faction. This planet is as it names suggests. Usually when one wants to play with another’s anus one has to bend over so the anus is visible. Likewise the god Uranus loved anal play. So when the home world of the Buttfungi people was created they chose Uranus and tilted on its axis over 90 degrees as a reminder that one must bend over to expose your anus for anal play.
  • Pluto: The Retardos faction denies this is a Planet.
  • Earth: A planet where all humans exist, humans live with dinosaurs and other scary creeps such as the Pegathoromatunas, a 1 legged Iron-eyed Giant creature that humps everything it sees.
  • Poopiter: Well known for its extremely high poop factor. It has a projectile diarrhoea storm that has been spewing for more that 400 years.
  • Penus: Penus is very recognizable because of its many long, tall, skinny stalagmites that have a pinky sort of coloured top.
  • Arz: The planet Arz has a lot of spongy smooth-surfaced mountain usually containing a long crevasse from which there is no return. These crevasses spit out a toxic methane-like gas every so often. Also once every day the crevasses erupt and shoot out a huge mass of poop-like substances.

Extra Solar Planets[edit]

Main article: Extrasolar planet

According to the Retardo faction if a planet were 1 kilometer smaller than Pluto and or surrounded by asteroids it is not a planet. Also any extra solar planet the size of Mercury or Jupiter in an orbit larger than Pluto it is not a planet. Zeeter thinks otherwise.

End of all Planets[edit]

According to Retardos oral-anal tradition, at the end of time when the Mahdi appears, much like in the movie Dune, although He will be a She and a Mexican Buddhist. Ancient Mayan curse words will be able to shatter bones and do all kinds of Potter magic. Zeus will appear one last time by manifesting a finger in front of everyone. He will then instruct the believers to "Pull My Finger" afterward all the planets will magically shoot back up his ass.

Artist rendition of Zeus's Apperance

Obligatory Oscar Wilde Quotes[edit]

“Hey Bob, I've heard that the scientists found an ice cream van coming from Uranus & Multo the alien!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Planets

When Pluto was finally discovered, Oscar Wilde was noted to have said "Roll over and let me at the other buttock." (Many people are curious as to know why he said this.)