Solar System

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The solar system, as NASA sees it.

The Solar System, also known as System of a Down, is a method of human absorption of solar energy, also known as totally screwing yourself.

Superman uses the solar system to shed unwanted pounds so he can have his rock hard ass.


Created by Dr. John Atkins, the solar system is a popular method of weight loss. People who are on the solar system do not eat meals at all. Instead, they install solar panels on their body to collect the energy they need. These panels do not just absorb sunlight but also the light of planets.

The widely successful Saturn

Mode of Operation[edit]

It is well known that all things in the universe emit photons or, more accurately, little balls of light. By absorbing these photons the light energy can be converted into other forms of energy, including ATP which is used by the cells in the body to provide them with energy. This means that the body does not need to absorb energy through food as it gets it directly from the universe.

Side effects[edit]

A scale model of the solar system taken by the Hubble Space Telescope. The image was taken before Pluto was deemed "not a planet", so is slightly inaccurate. Just slightly.

Unfortunately, the system is not without it's flaws. For example, the mood of the panels' wearer can be affected by the light of whichever heavenly body is emitting the most photons at the time. The planets cause the following moods:

  • Sol (The Sun): gives the owner a bright outlook on life.
  • Mercury: heightens the wearer's voice and causes them to think their name is Freddy.
  • Venus: makes the bearer extremely tedious and boring.
  • Mars: gives the owner an overwhelming craving for caramel, chocolate and a nougaty centre.
  • Jupiter: makes the wearer very gassy.
  • Saturn: gives the bearer an addiction to jewelry.
  • Uranus: don't ask.
  • Neptune: makes the owner allergic to seafood.
  • Zula: makes the wearer smell & like oranges.
  • Pluto: was kicked out of the family in august 2006. It was told that it was too small for the job. It is currently seeking legal action against the solar system for size discrimination.
  • 2003 UB313: was denied a job in the solar system along with pluto, and is considering legal action once it gets off the bong.

Purchasing the system[edit]

The sale of the Solar System is banned in all countries and it can now be purchasd only on several websites that no longer exist. Except... No, wait, i didn't just say that you can buy them for $299.99 at here--> buy

Remembering the order of the planets[edit]

Awesome diagram from ESAAP (Epic Space Agency for Awesome People)

For those who can't remember the order of the planets, just use this method: My Very Easy Method Just Speeds Up Naming (Planets) ...

Also See[edit]