Keith Moon
Keith John "Moonie" Moon (23 August 1947 1946 – 7 September 1978) was an English drummer who played in The Who. He blew up a lot of shit — preferably drums and toilets — and masqueraded in all sorts of silly outfits, proudly flaunting his masculinity and hairy chest. He played drums real crazy awesome too, and made ugly shirts look sexy.
Early life[edit]
Nobody's quite certain when Moon was born, but what's known for sure is that he was born with a bang. Bored with the amniotic fluids of his mother's womb, he rigged up some explosives and burst out of her. Five minutes later, he burst the pipes in the bathroom with a mortar left over from World War II, blowing up the toilet.
At age 12, Moon took up playing the drums, and discovered he was very good at destroying his kit. His wayward mother suggested he become a professional drummer, so he did just that. Discovering yet again that he could blow it up, but was hopelessly freeform when it came to rhythm, Moon took to playing frenetic bursts of percussive noise for about 30 seconds, then detonating the kit.
Career[edit]
Moon's crazy antics caught the attention of John Entwistle, bassist for local rock band The Who. Entwistle offered Moon to join the band, and he immediately accepted the offer. From the outset, however, Moon came to blows with singer Roger Daltrey, calling him "The poor man's Robert Plant" one too many times. Daltrey frequently beat the hell out of Moon, but the wily young drummer had already developed a high tolerance for pain after blowing himself up one too many times.
Besides blowing up hotels, Moon had crazy stage behaviours; for example, at the end of a performance of "My Re-Generation" sometime in the '60s he blew up his drum kit on stage. He also pranked himself, using elephant tranquillisers to make him pass out on stage. At one performance he fainted approximately 2.67 times, too much for the show. He was carried off stage and Roger Daltrey had the perfect idea! He would grab someone from the audience to replace Keith for the night. So a guy named Scott was chosen and they carried on as if nothing really mattered.
The Who hit it big with the 1965 single "My Re-Generation", which Moon claimed he wrote about his awkward childhood. More than any other, this stuttering song encapsulated Moon's struggle with mild autism, disaffected by his inability to truly fit into neurotypical society and seeking to find a new body form that would allow him to more fully take his place in society. However, guitarist Pete Townshend got the credit for the song and from then on was chosen as the band's lead songwriter. This led to a flurry of trite hack "pop" singles that had little in common with "Re-Generation", because they weren't written by the same guy.
Not that Keith minded. He was too busy blowing shit up and hanging with his new buddy Oliver Reed. Moon also collaborated with Vivian Stanshall, trumpeter and lead singer of the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band. The duo's exploits are legendary, perhaps the most notorious involving Stanshall going into an unsuspecting tailor's shop and admiring a pair of trousers; Moon then came in, posing as another customer, admired the same trousers and demanded to buy them. When Stanshall protested the two men fought over them, splitting them in two so they ended up with one leg each. The tailor was by now beside himself but right then a one-legged actor, who had been hired by Stanshall and Moon, came in, saw the trousers and proclaimed "Ah! Just what I was looking for."
At one point in 1973, Moon passed out during a concert at Cow Palace and had to be replaced with a random audience member. Moon was admitted to a nearby hospital, where he acted entirely irrational and was reported to have bitten a nurse in the chest. At midnight, he woke up and limped out of bed to the lobby, then left the hospital without paying his medical bill.
Death[edit]
Moon died in 1978, right after a performance of The Who's new single "Who Are You" on the Shmo Fo Bros' Comedy Hour. After the finale, he went to the bog and, in his usual mischievous nature, attempted to flush five sticks of dynamite down the toilet; unfortunately, the explosives got clogged and detonated, with the porcelain shards cutting him to ribbons. Concert guest Paul McCartney walked into the restroom only to find Keith's shreddings on the floor, and awkwardly walked out again. The next morning, Moon was buried at Tommy's Holiday Camp, to a crowd of 905 weeping bellboys.