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Gene Roddenberry has inspired us to work on 37,400 exauhstive articles about the minutia of the face make up on third alien from the left in the untransmitted crowd shot from the 4th episode of the 2nd series of DS9 since opening in January 2005.


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Selected anniversaries

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April 11: National Backwards Helmet Day

  • 48 - Holy Belly Button Lint is discovered in a ditch near Golgotha.
  • 641 - Sliced bread is invented. It takes four days to properly slice a loaf.
  • 642 - Toast is invented during a bakery fire. People like toast so much they set fire to more bakeries.
  • 643 - The first slice of buttered toast is dropped on floor. This may also have been the invention of the Five Second Rule.
  • 644 - The inventor of toast and sliced bread is burned at the stake for heresy and witchcraft as it is found that toast always falls buttered side down, contrary to the laws of God.
  • 1492 - The first slice of jelly bread is thrown into someone's face. The Three Stooges are formed as a result.
  • 1493 - First execution for accidentally throwing a slice of jelly bread into the face of the king.
  • 1667 - The blind, impoverished John Milton sells the copyright of Paradise Lost for £10 and buys a milkshake.
  • 1667 - On his way home John Milton is robbed; while lying devastated on the ground he hears the robber shouting victoriously "I drink your milkshake!" while running away.
  • 1775 - Germany runs out of people to accuse of witchcraft and execute, and begins brainstorming on who to meaninglessly kill next. The country is torn over whether to attack Poland or France, so they compromise and just invade both.
  • 1904 - Albert Einstein discovers that he's related to his sister.
  • 1905 - Einstein publishes a book about his relative relationship with his sister and subsequently wins the Nobel prize.
  • 1969 - Satan invents disco.
  • 1984 - Mr. Rogers flips out and assassinates Thomas the Tank Engine.
  • 1999 - Rain of Tears memorial: there are mass suicides after the first showing of Gigli.
  • 2009 - Somebody who actually cares for this holiday puts his helmet on backwards. His bike is immediately stolen because he can't see.

Archived Anniversaries

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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

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General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

Recently featured:

Previously featured article – Star Trek

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Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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