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Today's featured article – UnNews:Bad karaoke costs boys their vocal cords
NORTHAMPTON, England -- Three friends with learning difficulties, including one with Down's syndrome, performed such a poor rendition of the Beatles' classic "Hey Jude" at the Abington Pub in Northampton that the pub landlord removed their vocal cords.
Suspicions grew after landlord Neil Bartholomey purchased a bumper pack of best-value gags, three 2m × 2m cemetery plots, and a DIY embalming kit. It was later revealed that the whole patronage of the pub had been in on the plot to end the boys' budding singing careers.
"They were driving away customers with their ranting," Mr. Bartholomey explained. "It's not like this is the first time they've done it, either! Sometimes they just come in at about 3 o'clock, order a dozen Shirley Temples, and don't leave until their mum picks them up at 9!"
Mr. Bartholomey denied that extracting their vocal cords and leaving them to bleed violated human rights. "It was for the good of humanity!" he shouted as police subdued him. "If they wandered into your pub and started belting out "Yellow Submarine", you'd do the same, unless you're just not enough of a man!" (more...)
Previously featured article – Concision
Concision (also called brevity, laconicism, crispness, briefness, succinctness, pithiness or compactness but not to be confused with terseness (which is concision to the point of rudeness) or sententiousness (which is concision in the service of pompous moralising, or sanctimonious lecturing)) is a writing principle (or doctrine of composition) which promotes the advantages of eliminating, removing or excising redundancy from prose, verse and other forms of expressive writing. (more...)
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