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Gene Roddenberry has inspired us to work on 37,341 exauhstive articles about the minutia of the face make up on third alien from the left in the untransmitted crowd shot from the 4th episode of the 2nd series of DS9 since opening in January 2005.


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Selected anniversaries

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June 26: St. Masturbus Day

  • 1 million BCE - Cthulhu invents Christmas, when bored.
  • 1856 BCE - Black people start writing.
  • 1855 BCE - Brown people begin developing a complex society.
  • 1854 BCE - Yellow people begin the study of astronomy.
  • 1853 BCE - White people start painting their arses blue.
  • 1087 - St. Clittorus gets really pissed because she was promised to have this day named after herself but totally got screwed over.
  • 1123 - Pope Callistus II declares the sainthood of St. Dildo.
  • 1284 - The Pied Piper lures 130 children of Hamelin away. Piping hot pies are soon outlawed.
  • 1718 - The Tsar's son suspiciously turns up dead after he is sentenced to death.
  • 1721 - Cthulhu invents Boxing Day for his loyal swarming masses of nightgaunts.
  • 1895 - After an attack on the wooden bridges of the Canadian National Railway by beavers, repair crews work haphazardly and accidentally invent the roller coaster.
  • 1928 - A cyclone hits Coney Island and completely twists its roller coaster out of shape. No-one notices for 27 years.
  • 1963 - John F. Kennedy gives his famous 'Ich bin ein Selbstgeschlechter' speech.
  • 1981 - Tom Cruise brings to life a Giant Tampax that the science world predicts would kill him exactly 24 years later.
  • 2005 - Tom Cruise is killed by a regular Tampax in an ironical twist of fate.
  • 2005 - Richard Whiteley dies after finally unscrambling the conundrum PIANOMENU.
  • 2025 - The 'this is today' gag is used for the first time in history.


Archived Anniversaries

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Today's featured article – Chess pieces

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Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence.

Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain.

When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...)

Previously featured article – John Mahama

John Mahama knives.jpg

John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...)

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