Dingo Ate My Baby Day
The truth behind the lies behind what was televised as the lies behind the truth. A confession of the events regarding Dingo Ate My Baby Day by Bert Newton.
Who ate whom?[edit]
There is much confusion regarding what actually happened in the Northern Territory on the 17th of August 1980, as channel 9 television reporters were the first on the scene.
When the television crew arrived at the scene we now know as Dingo Death valley, in Australia's Northern Territory, they discovered that they had a false alarm on their hands. What was reported to authorities as "A dingo ate my baby!" was actually a misheard comment about how dull and lifeless the red dust was making one woman's hair. Frustrated at both this lack of news, and at how the red dust was clogging their pores, the news crew started to plan a devious plot.
What follows is true...[edit]
Sandra Sully stood some 50 meters away from the main group of campers, and took her top off. A young Steve Hobbs pointed at her and proclaimed "'ello, 'ello..'oi check out those tits!". Everyone looked. Steve then ran into Lindy Chaimberland's tent and grabbed a young Azaria "Dingo Ate me" Chamberlain, kicked her up into a tree where he would return to get her later.
Some 55 minutes later, Lindy realised that her baby was missing. Fearing an accusation of fowl play, she snuck into another woman's tent and stole her baby, then led a dingo into her own tent and had the dog savage the baby so as to make it unrecognisable.
From here, facts blur.... Bob Urban, from Long Island, NY, had planned to plant a dingo savaged Azaria Chamberlain back in her tent, having hacked at the young child with scissors to mimic puncture wounds from the animal's K9 teeth. Upon entering the tent, he saw Lindy Chaimberland feeding a baby to a dog. The dog then snatched a long dead Azalia out of Bob's hands, and ran into the bush. Minutes later, Lindy Chamberland walked calmly out of her tent and pretended to look in her car for something.
Bob stuffed the dead baby down his trousers and wandered over to the nearest 'Long Drop' facility.
Lindy came back to her tent and proclaimed "A dingo ate my baby". Whilst all the fuss was centred on Lindy, Bob went about killing everyone who witnessed his unusual behaviour.
Unanswered questions[edit]
Some questions remained unanswered, the main one that police are interested is as follows.
- Steve Hobbs throws like a girl and can't climb a tree. So how did he get Azaria out of the tree? If he threw his shoe up to knock her off the branch she was on, he would have to jump at the same time that he threw, just to make the height, (4m) which would have made him fall over upon landing.
- How did Meryl Streep get that ridiculous accent?
- Does the name Azaria mean "sacrifice in the wilderness"?
- Do Seventh Day Adventists usually feed their babies to wild animals?
