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March 8: International Talk Like Caveman Day

  • 310,001 BCE - Neanderthal fella meet Cro-Magnon first time. Neanderthal wave hello. Neanderthal look down and see spear in chest. Neanderthal go "Ow".
  • 298,006 BCE - Ook invent fire. Ook patent fire. But Ook find website name already taken.
  • 100,000 BCE - Legendary inventor Org invent wheel, make move mud less hard.
  • c.2700 BCE - Caveman not understand when Bangles lady sing "walk like Egyptian".
  • 200 BCE - Lots ancient Greek guy invade Troy when Trojan Queen talk like pirate not caveman.
  • 1104 - Crusader talk like caveman when get to Middle East, not know Arabic. Get head chopped off anyway.
  • 1804 - Noah Webster make first caveman dictionary. Caveman no buy when find not very tasty.
  • 1884 - Oscar Wilde revitalizes Talk Like Caveman Day; reads to crowd from primitive work Lord Arthur Savile's Crime and Other Stories.
  • 1917 - Manfred von Richthofen, also known Red Baron, kill nineteen enemy plane, only credited two since two highest caveman number.
  • 1933 - Inflation and bad crop yield force Old McDonald close farm, sell livestock and murder-wagon.
  • 1967 - George of Jungle talk like caveman, confuse many people except animal.
  • 1998 - Six Flags place make best rule; eject people not talk like caveman.
  • 2001 - First caveman become president United States. Other caveman think him funny funny.
  • 2016 - Second caveman become president USA. Other caveman laugh again until fired from government.

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Today's featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.

If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.)

Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)

Previously featured article – Switzerland

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Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)

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  1. Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.