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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,345 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

Sharks with freaking laser-beams. Vote for featured image

On the telly tonight Today's featured article – The Witcher The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula. The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered. A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...) Recently featured: Chess pieces John Mahama HowTo:Become a Pope Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Chess pieces Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget July 18: Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride Day (pictured) 1812 - In desperation, Tchaikovsky is forced to include cannons in his 1812 Overture when bassoonists go on strike. 1835 - Bobwire is invented by Bob "Two-thumbs" McGinty. 1863 - American Civil War: Matthew Broderick, Denzel Washington, and Morgan Freeman charge a Confederate fort in what is commonly agreed to be one of the most passionate scenes in cinema history. 1872 - Britain introduces secret ballot voting so that aristocrats across the country may more convincingly drop their monocles in indignant surprise after the rabble have their way. 1879 - Oscar Wilde obtains the cane he becomes known for posing with during a contest of wit with a man owning a cane. 1883 - Jimmy the Cowboy is born in what is believed to be Kentucky. 1906 - Prince Edward Island residents attempt to secede but find the island too big to row away from Canada. 1964 - Movie subtitles are used for the first time for A Hard's Day's Night as audiences are unable to understand the Beatles. Meanwhile, audiences in Liverpool flee theaters when they see moving pictures for the first time. 1969 - Mary Jo Kopechne & Sen. Ted Kennedy plunge off Chappaquiddick Bridge, thus tying up all the loose ends. 1971 - Hunter S. Thompson has a rather nasty trip. Buy the Ticket, Take the Ride Day is established in honor of this occasion. 1972 - Hunter Thompson takes more bad trips to get more holidays named for him. 1990 - Interruptions continued to occur in all aspects of daily business as people repeatedly were urged to "stop" during the period known as "Hammer Time". Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is procrastination Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane (pictured) Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎ Starmer wins British general election More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... if it ain't Scottish, it's crap? Do you blimey care... ... that there is no other word for thesaurus? Care to read more?
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United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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