Babel:En

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Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'!

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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

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General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

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Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Lest we forget

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May 3: World Fungal Infection Awareness Day

  • 22 CE - Athlete's foot is first discovered by Romans leaving their bathhouses. It is found to be easily killed by other more horrible things by just returning to the bathhouse.
  • 987 - Beowulf discovers that Grendel's mom is a bitch.
  • 1494 - Christopher Columbus invents Jamaica.
  • 1791 - The May Constitution of Poland is proclaimed by the Polish diet, only to be promptly superceded by the Atkins Diet.
  • 1810 - Lord Byron swims the Hellespont, for which he is finally awarded his silver swimming badge.
  • 1815 - Neapolitan War: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry easily defeat plain frozen yogurt.
  • 1841 - US President William Henry Harrison dies of a fungal infection and is succeeded by John Tyler, a large fungus.
  • 1963 - Hundreds of thousands die in global mime protests, Mimes assume totalitarian control, only to have it crushed 3 weeks later by Vin Diesel dressed as a clown. Clowns would continue to hold power for many years.
  • 1987 - Robert Palmer develops an unhealthy addiction to love which will eventually prove terminal 17 years later.
  • 1992 - A long-lost ship, the RMS Titanic, is found un-sunken in Jamaica.
  • 2001 - The United States loses its seat on the U.N. Human Rights Commission for the first time since the commission was formed in 1947, after ordering Burger King instead of McDonald's for lunch.
  • 2078 - David Beckham's chocolate flavored pants are washed up on a Mexican beach. It immediately contracts Swine Flu.
  • 2134 - Angry ticks fire out of my nipples.

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Paddington Blair's word for today is
ex post facto
Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.

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Did you chaps know...

  • ... that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

Do you blimey care...[edit]

  • ... the Ronco Pocket Fisherman lets you go fishing anytime in your jacket pocket?
    • ... and it can also be used to play pocket pool?
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United Empire Loyalist of the Month

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


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