Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'!
Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will.
On the telly tonight
Today's featured article – Aragorn
Aragorn (also known as Ellustrious Elfstone Toll-Counter or Strider or the Lone Ranger of the Bree) is a 'hero' in The Lord of the Rings. He is a distinctly second-banana hero, as centre stage is taken by Frodo Baggins and his equally hairy-footed friends. Aragorn is a sullen and reticent friend of Gandalf.
Aragorn's role is to take on Sauron man-to-evil-eye, but he never gets a chance to get up close and personal to that hereditary enemy, his suicidal quest marred by a sudden torrent of Deus ex machina. Aragorn doesn't even get to kill Sauron's chief henchwraith, the Witch-king, that honour falling to a Hobbit and a warriorette. Despite not being the victor, he ends up with all the spoils: king of Arnor and Gondor and protector of all other folk unless they want to be slaughtered. Aragorn also gets his elven princess as a wife, about 50 years after first proposing to her. Oh yes. Didn't you know? Aragorn is an eighty-something when he fights in the War of the Ring. Indeed, everyone in this story is ancient enough to both draw a pension and confound the actuaries.
Lord of the Rings author J. R. R. Tolkien came up with Aragorn whilst he doodled away at Oxford University marking exam papers and giving lectures about the Anglo-Saxons. Aragorn is like a combination of King Arthur and Beowulf, but rather less interesting. (more...)
Previously featured article – International Alphabet Magnet Day
International Alphabet Magnet Day is a national holiday dedicated to the promotion of alphabet magnets, which are usually found on the metal doors of refrigerators. (more...)
You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured.
Lest we forget
Paddington Blair's word for today is
Auntie Beeb reports:
Did you chaps know...
Do you blimey care...
Recent dispatches from the colonies:
Mike Lindell | Ween (r/w) | Elena Kagan | Billy Sherwood | Heavy breathing | The Nether (pictured) | Stephen Breyer | Geonosis (r/w) | Uncut Gems | News Corp | RedLetterMedia | Sin City (r/w) | Alan White (r/w) | Pablo Escobar | HowTo:Rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic | Mia Khalifa | Aragorn | International Alphabet Magnet Day | Compulsive Accordism | HowTo:Ignore the elephant in the room | Droid (r/w) | Corn Pop | Archimedes | Atlas Shrugged (film) | Cinnamon Toast Crunch | Clarence Thomas (r/w) | V for Veganism | Possum Trot | Elizabeth Cheney | Joe Scarborough | Kidnapping of Roman Protasevich
United Empire Loyalist of the Month
For haggis-related IRC chat, see this instructional video.