Babel:En

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Today's featured article – Switzerland

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Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.

At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.

Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany.

After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)

Previously featured article – St. Pierre and Miquelon

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St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)

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Lest we forget

Simply stunned at his victory.

December 28: Day of the Not-so-Innocents (Spain, Portugal, South America), Penis Appreciation Day

  • 1597 BCE - The Thera volcano erupts, destroying the Minoan civilization. As it self-destructs, it apologizes and is thus absolved of any evil intent by the Minoan gods. The latter then retire to Leisure World in Arizona where they live to this day.
  • 23 CE - Penis Appreciation Day is invented by Jesus. Not realising his mate Judas and the entire Roman army is less well hung, he would regret it one day.
  • 401 - In a stroke of brilliance, Laszlo Guiltyashell becomes Pope and takes the name Innocent I. Cardinals would tire of him walking up to them and telling them "I'm Innocent!" and running away, cackling.
  • 1209 - Pope Innocent III orders the extermination of the Cathars. As washing his hands of the whole thing has already been done and by a pagan besides, he instead absolves himself, declaring himself innocent. Audible clicks from millions of eye-rolls are heard as far away as China.
  • 1724 - Tiring of his name, Pope Innocent XIII attempts to change it, without success. Ironically, his death in a freak accident would begin the observance of Friday the 13th.
  • 1892 - After being beaten to the patent for the steam-powered armadillo by others, Rudolf Diesel invents and builds the first acting robot, Vin Diesel.
  • 2004 - Deciding they like Mondays, superheroes plan a combined assault on Bob Geldof. After an hour of the Hoff's singing and Mr T's pitying, the devastating blow comes when Darth Vader tells Geldof who his father is. This causes him to spontaneously combust all over Pauline Fowler's scowl.
  • 2006 - Uncyclopedians lose count at the sheer number of anniversaries with penises in them.
  • 2007 - World economy goes into meltdown as Penis Appreciation Day lasts until August 15th 2008. This only ends when lesbians attempt to seize control of the earth. Millions would die in the conflict.
  • 2009 - It is rumoured that Bob Geldof will return to fight the final battle between good and evil one day. The Vatican, the CIA and Michael Stipe all deny this.
  • 2072 - America elects its new emperor, The Noid.

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Paddington Blair's word for today is
procrastination
Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.

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United Empire Loyalist of the Month

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.

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Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!

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It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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