Babel:En

Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,350 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

Something seems to be missing, but everyone is too stoned to care. Vote for featured image

On the telly tonight Today's featured article – The Witcher The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula. The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered. A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...) Recently featured: Chess pieces John Mahama HowTo:Become a Pope Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Chess pieces Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget August 22: Obvious Day (24-hour period to celebrate the recognition of things which are readily apparent) 1453 - Battle of Bosworth sees king Richard III lose his shit and his shirt against Henry Tudor. 1492 - First encounter between Native Americans and Europeans. "I think these guys are up to no good," the local shaman remarks after being promptly shot. 1622 - The toaster is invented but it would be over 150 years before it would be given a name. 1717 - Spanish troops land on Sardinia. Having forgotten the can opener, they promptly leave. 1939 - The Third Reich and the Nazis continue their march across Europe. This is bad. 1940 - As the Germans invade Belgium in WWII, some guy thought "This seems somehow familiar." 1945 - Nazis defeated. This is good. 1948 - Jewish state of Israel founded in the predominantly Arab Middle East. This will later cause problems. 1953 - Hundreds rush out to buy the sheet music for John Cage's 4' 33". 1966 - Captain Obvious is born. Doctor proclaims, "It's a boy," because the child has a penis. 1973 - Brutal, murderous dictator Augusto Pinochet takes control over Chile. "I bet the CIA is helping this guy," says a random intellectual just before being abducted by a group of soldiers. 2001 - Like we didn't see it coming. What the fuck. 2003 - People realize that George W. Bush is an idiot. 2012 - People actually acknowledge that the Titanic was in fact not unsinkable. 2016 - Last person using a pager discovered living in the middle of Borneo. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is procrastination Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA (pictured) Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs NE Patriots go "Judon-frei" More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... Usain Bolt is so fast, he can run 100 meters in the same time as he can run 10 decameters? Do you blimey care... ... that, now that I really think about it, I'm not sure what the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle is? Care to read more?
edit Recent dispatches from the colonies: Blue Fairies (pictured)| People's Action Party (Singapore | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...
United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

• 

  Europa

• 

  العربية

• 

  Zh

• 

  Deutsch

• 

  Ελληνικά

• 

  English

• 

  Español

• 

  Español

• 

  Português

• 

  Suomi

• 

  Français

• 

  עברית

• 

  Bahasa Indonesia

• 

  Italiano

• 

  日本語

• 

  Latina

• 

  Polski

• 

  Русский

• 

  USeh?

• 

  Català

• 

  Nederlands

Uncyclopedia International/اللاموسوعة العالمية/Uncyclopedia Internacional/国际アンサイクロペディア/国際偽基百科/국제백괴사전/Internationale Uncyclopedia/Διεθνής Φρικηπαίδεια/Uncyclopedia Международное/Uncyclopedia Internazionale/Kansainvälinen Uncyclopedia/Uncyclopedia Internasjonal/Internationella Uncyclopedia/Uncyclopedia Mancanegara

Hooray! World Peace! Let us all stand in a circle and dance!

For haggis-related IRC chat, see this instructional video.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, the Royal Navy and an elite clan of Beefeaters. God save the Queen!