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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,401 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

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On the telly tonight Today's featured article – Arthur Currie General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name. Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...) Recently featured: Star Trek Windows XP Switzerland Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Star Trek Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget May 1: National Whoopy-Doo It's May Day, Oy Oy Oy! Men Hot unz tsebrojn dem Tujes Day (Israel) Beginning of Time - May is invented, as a 61-day-long April is deemed 'boring' and 'flabby.' 984 - Æthelred II, ever unready, shows up late with his April Fools' Day gag. 1276 - Klingons unsuccessfully lick Norway's butt hole. An unknown number of them discover that yes, today IS a good day to die. 1707 - The Act of Union joins the Kingdom of England and Kingdom of Scotland to form the Kingdom of Great Britain. Afterwards, they both enjoy a cigarette. 1881 - An atom is split in Czechoslovakia, and a week is spent trying to sew it back together. (pictured) 1886 - Several syndicalists are hanged in Haymarket, Chicago for taking the rest of the day off. 1930 - The dwarf planet Pluto is officially named. Disney sues. 1931 - Frustrated by his ongoing lawsuit, Walt Disney bites the penis off of a six-year-old Jewish boy. 1972 - A passenger plane crashes, killing all aboard, in the confusion stemming from having a May Pole put up in the coach cabin. The black box recording of their all-too-joyous cries of "May Day! May Day!" as the plane falls towards certain doom bring tears around the world when it is broadcast. 1999 - SpongeBob SquarePants emerges from the deep recesses of Hell and delivers the message of Satan around the world, putting them under Satan's spell and possessing the Earth. 2000 - Douglas Adams predicts the Y3K problem. All computers and networks employing ternary logic are presumed at risk. 2001 - Hal and Dave finally make up their differences. Despite this, Hal still refuses to "open the pod bay doors" for Dave. 2004 - George W. Bush is pinched and punched by Jeb Bush for it being the first day of the month. George runs away to his dad, George H. W. Bush, who proceeds to spank them both. 2011 - Bin Laden officially loses his hide and seek game. 2012 - Dogs are deemed "unfit for purpose" by God Inc. They are replaced by alligators. 2020 - A future predicting device is found, police rewarding $1,000,000 to the lucky person who finds the own... Ah shit! Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is de jure Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Hegseth orders attack on the Moon (pictured) Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... Edward Scissorhands was never capable of running with scissors, much less a scissor? Do you blimey care... ... that nihilists believe that life is like a box of chocolates? ... and that it is a Whitman Sampler that has been sitting on the shelf for too long? Care to read more?
edit Recent dispatches from the colonies: House of Merovingian (pictured) | Arthur Currie | Full house | Alexander the Not So Great | Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...
United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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