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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,352 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

The cover of Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City, in stores soon. Vote for featured image

On the telly tonight Today's featured article – Minotaur The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity. The monster's given name was Asterix, suggested by some visiting Celts from Gaul. The beast is typically described in painting and sculpture as having a human body and a bull's head. Some writers have described him the other way around. Considering the combinations possible, it is a wonder that the Minotaur didn't end up as an amalgamation of two different butts. Experts in Greek mythology suspect that if the Minotaur were born female, then the Borden's company would have adopted its mascot and symbol much, much earlier. The storyline would also then have been much different. Historians agree that the tale would have ended up as some sort of lesbian fanfic, which is within the canon of the soap opera that is Greek mythology. (more...) Recently featured: The Witcher Chess pieces John Mahama Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – The Witcher The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget September 11: International Worst Inventions Ever Day 13,800,000,000 BCE Universe invented. Previous universe wiped out due to Large Hadron Collider collision. 3000 BCE - Egyptians invent papyrus. Moments later, the paper cut is invented. Still some moments later, some pretty expressive swear words are invented. 33 CE - Judas invents the noose while just hanging around. 100 CE - Romans invent the wedgie to torment Christians. 911 - Nostradamus, having predicted 9/11, invents the telephone number 911. 1753 - An Oxford University student invents the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard. 1883 - The Worst Invention of the Year is a tossup between Islamic Fundamentalism (Middle East) and Christian Fundamentalism (United States). 1934 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky invents the helicopter ejection seat. 1939 - Inspired by an awful experience at summer camp, Hitler invents his own franchise of camps. 1945 - Morning After Pill not yet invented; George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush invent George W. 1961 - Hair scientists invent the mullet (pictured). The nesting bird population increases dramatically. 1968 - The internet is developed, sporting six-pack abs and huge rockets and not an ounce of fat. However, 30 years later... 1972 - Construction of the Trans-Amazonian Highway is completed. Lesbian Amazonians are slightly miffed. 1981 - Road rage is invented when the Trans-Amazonian Highway is extended through your cubicle. 2001 - An aircraft magnet is accidently turned on in the Pentagon. 2001 - Osama Bin Laden invents the world's first airplane/building hybrid 2001 - American Airlines mysteriously loses 2 planes. 2002 - Emo movement is saddened but remains vaguely hopeful when it is invented. 2002 - The White House invents WMD. 2006 - An antigovernment father spends the day without turning on TV or radio, insisting that he doesn't want to hear about what happened five years ago, but in truth, hasn't paid the electricity bill. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is procrastination Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints (pictured) Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote Lebanon upgrades comms gear Ohio city goes to the dogs More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide? Do you blimey care... ... that you need to stop reading this page and get a job? Care to read more?
edit Recent dispatches from the colonies: Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies (pictured) | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...
United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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