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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,398 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

General Gates, despite many shutdowns and crashes, emerged victorious in the Battle of Microsoft. Vote for featured image

On the telly tonight Today's featured article – Windows XP Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters. It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...) Recently featured: Switzerland St. Pierre and Miquelon Minotaur Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Switzerland Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget [Insert double entendre here] February 1: International [Insert Holiday Here] Day, Old Meme Flogging Day 24398 BCE - First fat kid falls down the first flight of stairs.</nowiki> 13455 BCE - Mammoth shaming works all too well, driving them to extinction. Nice going. c.2000 BCE - Moses brings the Ten Commandments to his people, but forgets to go back for the tablet that contains Rule 34. [Insert a year from 0-43 AD here] - [Insert overdone Jesus joke here] [Insert 1337 here] - [Insert tired, pointless noob joke here] [Insert date that doesn't follow the given order at all] - [Insert sexual innuendo with [insert name here] and [insert name here] along with an event that defies logic] [Insert year here] - [Insert event that takes place in Paris here] - [Insert sentence containing 'Rioting' here] 1989 - Cats conspire to take over the internet but are foiled by humanity's deep love of Pr0n. 1991 - Richard Simmons overdoes exercise and is mistaken for what would later be known as Slenderman. 2006 - James Blunt admits he was fed helium as a child and recommends it to the youth of today 20X6 - Correct me if I'm wrong but are you asking me for a challenge?!?! [Insert 2101 AD here] - [Insert tired, pointless All Your Base reference here] <nowiki>[Insert (absurdly large number times two absurdly large numbers) AD here] - [Insert worn out and over used joke about a clone of your mother and me here]. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is up Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia (pictured) Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... that this statement is not not not not not not not not not not not possibly confusing to no one somewhere right now? Do you blimey care... ... Ötzi the Iceman was found with an overdue library book, with the fine now exceeding €4.2 million? Care to read more?
edit Recent dispatches from the colonies: Alexander the Not So Great (pictured) | Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...
United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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