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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,363 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

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On the telly tonight Today's featured article – St. Pierre and Miquelon St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. Within France, the archipelago has the status of "territorial collectivity" because it sounds more dignified than "neglected islands". Its residents are French citizens; they elect one Deputy to the National Assembly — though, in view of the territory's population (6,008 as of the 2016 census, which was thereafter disbanded), he is only allowed to vote on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. They are also allowed to hold opinions on Senator and President. St. Pierre and Michelob is all that is left of the once-sprawling North American empire of "New France". (Quebec aspires to the same status, but every time Parisians hear that accent, they are glad they cut them loose.) Acadia broke ties with the territory when it became evident that the islanders were even lazier and more cowardly than the Acadians. It is notable for being France's only remaining possession in North America, and if France washes its hands too, it will not have any notability. (more...) Recently featured: Minotaur The Witcher Chess pieces Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Minotaur The Minotaur was a half-human, half-bull creature in Greek mythology. Rather than a domestic cow, the bovine parent was an auroch, now extinct, as opposed to an auror, which is hoped to be extinct. The tale is probably a manifestation of man’s historic fascination with cow sex. The odd combination of species stands as proof of Creationism, though not by the usual expected deity. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget December 6: International Day of the Jackal, Take Your Pants Off for Cancer Day (Utah, observed), Indifference Day (Finland) 863 - Jackals start having trouble with their night vision and build the first jackal lanterns. 1865 - The USA ends slavery; it immediately outsources slave labor to China at $0.06/hr and Mexico at a variable rate. 1901 - Chicago woman gives birth to Walt Disney, who immediately sues her for copyright infringement. 1910 - The puzzle potato is nearly shoplifted by Winona Ryder from Lester B. Pearson's flaxen wool-works store. The event will be made into hit a movie starring Gary Coleman as Winona Ryder. 1962 - An assassin only known as "The Jackal" shoots Charles de Gaulle, with the bullet passing harmlessly through the latter's head. 1967 - The word "pwned" finally reaches its expiration date, according to the recently-unearthed original packaging. Despite that, nobody stops using the word. 1969 - Neil Armstrong becomes the first man to play Calvinball on the Moon, outsmarting opponent and fellow astronaut Buzz Aldrin by chanting an immunity poem (see: One Small Step) and planting his flag, automatically earning himself 144 Elephant gnuts and claiming the rank of "Duke of Ham Sandwich". Some debate the legality of this play, questioning whether Armstrong was wearing his black mask under his space helmet, but Armstrong has silenced most of their criticisms through clever use of "Jinx!" 1975 - William Herbert explains Reimann symmetry in a quasi-formatic manifold to sea lions at a Dutch park. 1979 - The United Kingdom realizes Donkey Kong as a threat. 1982 - A law is passed in Botswana that not only legalizes but encourages the use of the bong. 1984 - A Botswanian man mixes a dangerous cocktail of toxic waste, Windex, triple-ply toilet paper and leprechaun s'mores in his bong. The resulting smokes endow the man with the power to light his middle finger ablaze when using it for insult. In response, local Botswanians are quoted as saying, "Hmm." 2310 - Sea lions begin developing science labs to discuss the great science god, William Herbert. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is procrastination Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile (pictured) John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia Weezer gets weird at Trump's inauguration Trump tees up new American empire Elon Musk prepares for world government I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong US polls are broken ( listen) More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... that bipolar bears are not to be messed with, more-so than polar bears? Do you blimey care... ... that Mexican General Antonio de Padua María Severino López de Santa Anna y Pérez de Lebrón knew at least three people whose names began with the letter "L"? Care to read more?
edit Recent dispatches from the colonies: Alexander the Not So Great | Dubnium (pictured) | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue | Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...
United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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