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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,410 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

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On the telly tonight Today's featured article – Alexander IV Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great. Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics. Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...) Recently featured: Arthur Currie Star Trek Windows XP Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Arthur Currie General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget October 31: International Dress Like an Idiot Day, International Annoy Strangers Into Giving Away Candy Day 30 - Jesus performs another miracle, turning celery sticks into chocolate and regular corn into candy corn. 475 - Romulus Augustulus is proclaimed Roman Emperor, while wearing a white toga over his head, with eye holes cut in it. 1219 - The governor of Samarkand mistakes the army of Genghis Khan for a group of buddhist monks dressed up like the Khan's army, and opens the gates for them. Samarkand is sacked, looted, and burned. The Khan is pissed off when the army returns home and has already eaten all the candy. 1517 - The Protestant Reformation begins. After spending all week on his robot costume, Martin Luther dresses up and goes to the local church but they won't give him candy. He plays a trick on them by spreading his theses all over the church door. 1680 - A highwayman, having lost his horse, goes door to door, holding up residents. British Halloween is born, as is Inland Revenue. 1897 - The City of London's Best Halloween Costume prize is awarded to Oscar Wilde for his clever Oscar Wilde costume. 1927 - The October Uprising was rushed through on this day to save them changing all the letterheads. 1956 - Suez Crisis: to force Egypt to reopen the Suez Canal, the United Kingdom and France begin a massive bombardment of Egypt using water balloons and raw eggs. 1961 - In the Soviet Union, Josef Stalin's frozen body is removed from Lenin's Tomb. Stalin's body is then dressed up as Frankenstein and then set outside Kruschev's house as part of a scary Halloween diorama. Communist Party members are initially outraged, but come around when Kruschev's house wins the USSR's Halloween house decoration contest. 1969 - Women discover that instead of putting time into making an awesome costume they can just take a normal job uniform and slut it up a bit. 1969 - Men are okay with the above. 1980 - First Glam rock conclave standardizes dressing like an idiot in the '80s. 2002 - Evangelical Christians inaugurate Complain About Something Unimportant Again Day. 2005 - Everyday dressing like an idiot is now at a record high. 2005 - A severe storm strikes Glace Bay, Nova Scotia producing eggs, fireworks, pumpkins, crab-apples, and rocks. Homes and cars are damaged and several police cruisers are damaged by intense rock showers. 2006 - Washington D.C.'s "Scariest Halloween Costume" prize is awarded to Dick Cheney. Says Cheney, "But I didn't even dress up!" 2016 - ISIS suicide bombers ring a doorbell but just as they do, a roadrunner goes "MEEP! MEEP!", causing them to detonate their explosives prematurely. The operatives thoroughly enjoy their raisins in the afterlife. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is procrastination Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: US House tries controversial plan to solve problems before deadline Farage creates, wins crisis‎ (pictured) Burr and Hamilton to settle differences with a cage fight The King is dead Iranian trumps Trump Hegseth orders attack on the Moon Obama photographed with aliens Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card? Do you blimey care... ... Nazi war criminal Klaus Barbie tried to change his name to Klaus Barbie Doll while hiding out in Peru? Care to read more?
edit Recent dispatches from the colonies: Angle grinder | Dewey Decimal system | Zirconium | Sperm count (pictured) | Oganesson | Isaac I | Andy Burnham | House of Merovingian | Arthur Currie | Full house | Alexander the Not So Great | Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...
United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners Oh my god! There are no more days left! It's today or miss the boat to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!

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