Babel:En

Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 37,405 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

Sharks with freaking laser-beams. Vote for featured image

On the telly tonight Today's featured article – Windows XP Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters. It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.) Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...) Recently featured: Switzerland St. Pierre and Miquelon Minotaur Archive Vote for featured articles Previously featured article – Switzerland Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...) You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget March 14: The Day the Music Died, American Pi Day c.2 million BCE - Younger cave people would begin to pound two rocks together quickly and in tempo whereas their parents would bang two rocks together very slowly and without rhythm. The generation gap is born, with parents always criticizing this new thing called music. 27 BCE - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define pi as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its diameter. 435 - Pope Sixtus III denounces pi, claiming it to be "the worke of thye devile, in his moste clever ploye yet." 973 - The Great God Pan, lacking worshippers, fades into nothingness. The only trace of him will exist in the future as panpipes and pan pizza. c.1550 - As soprano voices are needed for choirs and females are not allowed to sing in public, Italians hack off the nads of promising boy bands; they are known as castrati. The method would be successfully used many years later by Joe Jackson on his son Michael. This would be counter to the older Italian method used with bands like Puerto Rico's Menudo, where a singer would be killed when his voice changed and would be then be replaced by a clone. 1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines pi to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as "close enough". 1742 - Johann Sebastian Bach invents disco but keeps it a secret for nearly 250 years. 1930 - The concept of pi is used heavily in the construction of the Maginot Line. 1981 - The band Pigbag releases Papa's Got a Brand New Pigbag just to confuse a lot of people. 1994 - Justin Bieber is born and the death of music is extended to seven other universes. 2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of "three and a bit", as "certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics." Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is puss Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Obama photographed with aliens (pictured) Trump breaks the Mustache Mafia Hegseth orders drone attack on Santa Claus Trump renames Christmas Uncyclopedia implements funny ban Miley Cyrus lends her wrecking ball to Donald Trump Prince Andrew to go into permanent exile John Bolton is indicted Florida to use Cracker Barrels as immigration checkpoints Flying Dildos dominate the WNBA Epstein list emerges Miss England to Miss World: I'm out Qatar gifts Trump an airplane Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... the Rorschach inkblots all look kinda like my Aunt Gladys giving head to Satan? Do you blimey care... ... a woman with three mustaches is better than a cat with an ironing board? Care to read more?
edit Recent dispatches from the colonies: Alexander the Not So Great | Dubnium | Hebe | Carbon tetrachloride | Tetrachloroethylene | Northrop B-2 Spirit | Blue Fairies | People's Action Party (Singapore) | Woof | John Mahama | Vivek Ramaswamy | Norse Korea | Michael VI | Factorial | Bunsen burner | Queue (pictured)| Odysseus | Mutually exclusive events‎ | Calcium | Kristi Noem | Anti-Zionism | Kevin McCarthy | Mike Johnson | House of Bourbon | Akaa, Finland | Nikki Haley | Menelaus | Ajax | Air Canada | Agamemnon | Great Schism More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...
United Empire Loyalist of the Month GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia! Seriously, we love you. Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor. Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come! It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon! HEIL FROSTY! Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

• 

  Europa

• 

  العربية

• 

  Zh

• 

  Deutsch

• 

  Ελληνικά

• 

  English

• 

  Español

• 

  Español

• 

  Português

• 

  Suomi

• 

  Français

• 

  עברית

• 

  Bahasa Indonesia

• 

  Italiano

• 

  日本語

• 

  Latina

• 

  Polski

• 

  Русский

• 

  USeh?

• 

  Català

• 

  Nederlands

Uncyclopedia International/اللاموسوعة العالمية/Uncyclopedia Internacional/国际アンサイクロペディア/国際偽基百科/국제백괴사전/Internationale Uncyclopedia/Διεθνής Φρικηπαίδεια/Uncyclopedia Международное/Uncyclopedia Internazionale/Kansainvälinen Uncyclopedia/Uncyclopedia Internasjonal/Internationella Uncyclopedia/Uncyclopedia Mancanegara

Hooray! World Peace! Let us all stand in a circle and dance!

For haggis-related IRC chat, see this instructional video.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, the Royal Navy and an elite clan of Beefeaters. God save the Queen!