Uncyclopedia Transit Authority

	Uncyclopedia Transit Authority
	UTA #1854 - UTA
Formed:	January 2005
Preceding Agency:	Dramatica Transportation Corp. (founded December 2004)
Jurisdiction:	Greater Uncyclopedia Area (excluding Village Dump)
Employees:	565 (The 65 admins are the executives, patrollers and above the drivers)

The Uncyclopedia Transit Authority is the primary public transit system operating in Uncyclopedia, Internet. The system runs buses, subways, horses and slow transit through the large city, excluding the Village Dump and the UnTunes community, which is operated by a separate entity of Dickheads with Asses during their free time.

The UTA operates 18940 surface transit routes, of which 445 routes make 20 connections with a subway, horse or slow transit station, 19230 horse routes, and 132 subway routes. In 2007, the UTA carried 101.4 million passengers per day, and there were 7,392,179,613 passenger trips in total.

History[edit]

The Uncyclopedia Transit Authority, having operated since February 2005 after the inauguration of Uncyclopedia, has provided seamless transportation around the Uncyclopedian community. Initially providing simple services from the Main Page Terminal to high-density areas of the online community, it has grown due to massive trash sprawl and now operates throughout the whole area. The Unified Community of the Village Dump and UnTunes, on the other hand, has its own transit system with no links to the UTA, operating horses and buses only^[1].

Prior to 2004, there are four transit systems operating. In 2005, the UTA was inaugurated after an agreement between the four parties:

Dramatica Transport Corporation, which operated in Encyclopedia Dramatica from 2004 to 2005. It morphed into UTA after Encyclopedia Dramatica broke up with Uncyclopedia on March and created their own transport system under the Encyclopedia Dramatica Transit Authority brand. This was dissolved on April 2, 2011 on a vote of 5 to 4 after the destruction of Encyclopedia Dramatica the previous day. Many former EDians left to form alternate communities but has no transit system.
BJAODN Division of WTA, since 2005 (merged with UTA after BJAODN division of WTA was dissolved)
Potato Wiki, since 2005 (merged with UTA to provide catering services on buses)
Sophia MTA, since 1985 (merged with UTA to allow use of defunct subway systems and horses)

Throughout the history of the Uncyclopedia Transit Authority, the system has greatly expanded. Despite many efforts though, no deals have been reached with the Unified Community of the Village Dump to create a connection. Village Dumperites state this as "UN:POV, UN:N and requires extensive oversight by an Arbitration Committee."

President Jonathan Huang^[2] celebrates the opening of Filipino Empire stop, moments before being bottled by protestors and this woman's husband.

The system originally started off with a small 2-route bus system adopted from a combination of the WTA and the Dramatica systems, and a fleet of 4 buses. Overtime, demand increased and routes were being added every month, which turned to weekly, and sometimes on a daily basis. President Jonathan Huang of UTA had to constantly hire more employees to the point where he was hiring administrators for the system more than he was hiring drivers.

Around mid-2005, it was decided to commence a subway system in Uncyclopedia. Much of Uncyclopedia was dug up and the system installed in no time after a mass hiring spree. After the system was installed, much of ground-level Uncyclopedia was given a facelift in what is called the 'Monobook Saga'. Unfortunately, as many of those hired to make the system were random IP citizens of Uncyclopedia, the system was poorly planned and many stations didn't link to any surface routes. Member denizens of Uncyclopedia have declared these 'Orphans' and avoid them as they have become "IP fodder" and rundown.

In 2006, a horse system called the 'UnMeta' was introduced after citizens complained they couldn't make heads or tails of all the modern transportation systems available in Uncyclopedia. A complex 'Point A to Point Z' system was made using funding from the Uncyclomedia Corporation in association with UnNews to provide advertising on the UnMeta buses. Despite the complaints previously, ridership on the UnMeta, from Main Page to Recent Changes, with service every 45 minutes, was slow to start. Connections were made to Help, Random Page and the city of UnNews itself to increase use. By mid-2006, these additional connections drew ridership in, easing tensions that were occuring on the subway.

In September 2007, the UTA celebrated with the construction of its 20,000th transit stop: The Filipino Empire at Royalpark Station. The route was created to allow English citizens of Wikipedia access to a museum on Filipino history. Unfortunately, some citizens complained after discovering evidence that the SATD stop in the Mathematics district was the 20,000th stop. After a quick investigation, the Filipino Empire Stop kept it's 20,000th stop status, despite massive bottling at Huang during the announcement, and his subsequent resignation.

One of the first busses. Sadly, it was terrible

In early 2008, a subway system was developed linking Main Page with all major areas of Uncyclopedia. Lack of funding during that year's funding drive, however, prevented the purchase of subways and buses, and ended up purchasing horses. The UTA officials, disappointed with the lack of sales and constant '☺$1,000,000' donations, made a video to the public to have them donate or risk a levy for every portion of Uncyclopedia they visit. When that didn't help, Huang shrugged off the idea and used the money on developing a new colorful for the UTA as shown at the top of the page. Recently, some stations are now equipped with interchanges to the WTA network, which is done after a planned merge with the two systems failed. In October 23, 2008, the UTA was sold to Wikia Transport Services for ☺$125,000,000,000,000, which sparked massive protests in the area^[3].

From 2010 to 2011, the UTA was involved in a power struggle between the parties. The UTA was involved in a scandal on August 2011 when several stations had been demolished in a Forest Fire Week demolition program, including the prized articles such as Tom Cruise and Scientology, as well as the most controversial article, Malaysia. After this incident, several Uncyclopedians, in consultation with the UTA, helped restore these stations to former glory, often modifying it. Some of them are of poor quality that for the safety, they must be torn down again.

The Fleet[edit]

The very dangerous route 48 to Pakistan route. Mainly used by terrorists and corrupt officials. Many buses, such as this one, were blown up by terrorists.

UTA's Hitachi Train. With no air conditioning or lighting, this train is so crap that the WTA never bought them. Plus, the interior can get as hot as a hibachi oven. This is the UTA Melbourne's Hibachi.

The UTA operates a massive fleet of buses, horses (not listed) and subways, along with five Airbus A380s and six Boeing 747s for international routes between Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia.

**Buses**
Make/Model	Fleet number	Description	Fleet size	Year acquired	Division	Notes
Thomas SLF-672.5	0420-0620*	Coal Bus	200	1999	Africa and Third World Division	Commonly used by the poor, terrorists and corrupt officials
Orion Bus Industries Loyola 08.607 "VIII.607"	0800-1984	Hybrid-Electric Solar Diesel-Infused Bus	50	2008	Category Division	Replaces 50 year old buses from Encyclopedia Dramatica Transit System.
Orion Bus Industries Loyola 07.098 "VII"	3600-3650	Gas-Guzzling Hybrid Bus	51	2008	United States of America Division	Navigates the USA community of Uncyclopedia, constantly breaking down due to excess weight load.
New Flyer D40LFRSTLNE	5100-5300	Diesel Bus	300	2005	AoED Division	Constantly used by vandals and terrorists
VanHool AGGG300	5300-5351	Diesel-Electric Bus	52	2005	Europe and Asia Division	Triple articulated-bus, known for the mess of free papers and coffee cups thrown on the floor, along with puke stains in the rear of the bus.
Sonic X	8000-8999*	Supersonic Bus	1000	2008	Random Articles, Mario and Sonic Division	Nicknamed "Sonic the Hedgehog", these buses travel at high speeds. They go so fast, that many accidents happened in Uncyclopedia are caused by these buses.
Alexander Dennis Vertigo500	9000-9051	Diesel-Lightning Rod Bus	51	2004	Photography and Urban Division	Used mainly by transit enthusiasts with their fascination of shiny things, lights, destination signs and tall buses.
Prevost H3H-60	47200-48201	A jet engine	10001	1995	Slow Transit and Buslink Division	Popular amongst those on slow transit, unpopular on rapid transit routes.

The old Alexander Dennis Vertigo500

*0621-0666 destroyed by terrorists. *8900-8999 crashed becaused of a series of accidents on 14 September 2008 to 9 January 2009

The nicknamed 'bendy' buses in the UTA fleet. Required as much fuel for 10 standard runs as an Airbus A320 running from New Orleans to Florida. This is the UTA OPEC. Route 666 from New Orleans to Los Angeles via U.S. Route 666.

**Subways**
Make/Model	Fleet number	Powered by	Fleet size	Year acquired	Division	Notes
Fawker-Sidededeldey Canada T-1	00001-00100	Electricity	100	1992	North American & Asian Division	Retired?
Shithouse Trains L4000	00101M-00200M	Electricity/Solar	100	2001	Iraqi & African Division	Rarely used, solar panels made in the Philippines. Trains mainly used by idiots and corrupt officials (again). Additional 1,289,000 on order.
Bombardmentier Canada T-1000	00101-08000	Electricity	800	2007	South American Division	Although designed as 75 foot vehicles, usually crushloaded in service. Additional 2000 on order.
Bombardmentier Canada T-X	01001-01200*	Two Nuclear Fusion Reactor Cores	200	2008	European & Antarctican Division	Riders in the front cabins require Geiger counters.
Assport Industries X-T Bullshit	100000-101000	Shit	1000	2008	User, Japanese & Philippine Division	The world's first shit-powered train. Additional 3000 are on order, as shit-power turned out to be efficient
Hitachi	100000-101000	Electricity/Horses	10	2006	Australia Division	Nicknamed as "Sardine Cans", They originally ran on the streets of Melbourne until they got rid of these pieces of shit. Also known as the "hibachi" as these trains have no air conditioning and only have a few windows.

*01165 retired due to a hijack by Conservapedian terrorists.

**Community (International) Transit**
Make/Model	Fleet number	Description	Fleet size	Year acquired	Division	Notes
Airbus A380-800	010000000-060000000	4 Dodge HEMI-powered "Compressive-Reactive"® gasoline turbines	5	2008	International Travel	Used purely for going between wikis and portals in Uncyclopedia. Flights go to Wikipedia, Conservapedia (has own public transit system- bus, train, ship and subway only), RationalWiki, and Encyclopedia Dramatica (operation ceased April 2011, replaced with OhInternet). Operates at $550,000 per trip, special fare is $375 adults, $230 seniors and $175 students. Five more are ordered and will be put into service by 2013.
Boeing 747-400	010000-070000	4 Dodge HEMI-powered "Compressive-Reactive"® gasoline turbines	6	2006	International Travel	Same reason the Airbus A380 is used, but it operates at $360,000 per trip, is cheaper and also prone to breakdowns due to shabby repairs.

Divisions[edit]

The UTA Fawker-Sidededeldey T-1 train departing from Main Page Central to Japan.

Division Alpha[edit]

Area served: Administration and Pokemon

Operator: Silph Co.

Facility: 143 Naryah Road, Saffron City

Division Beta[edit]

Area served: North America (incl. United States of America, excluding Kentucky), South America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Antarctica

Operator: Veolia Transport (no wonder why the passengers are late!)

Facility: 1984 Toxicroak Avenue, Zekrom Town

Divison Gamma[edit]

Area served: Africa, Rap Music, Kentucky

Operator: UNR (Uncyclopedia Railway Company) East

Facility: 69 Jalan Jemaah Islamiyah, Jakarta, Indonesia

Division Delta[edit]

Some stations in UTA's network have pawn shops, so you can trade stuff and buy tickets while waiting for the bus.

Area served: Photography, Random Articles

Operator: UNR West

Facility: 123 Phaycke Avenue, Puddingdong

Division Epsilon[edit]

Area served: Slow Transit, Users and Kentucky

Operator: MILF Transit

Facility: Unknown (somewhere in the island of Mindanao, Philippines)

Division Catherine Zeta-Jones[edit]

Area served: Celebrity, Category, Miscellaneous Community

Operator: Administrators of Uncyclopedia Massive Transportation Committee of Administrators (AUMTCA)

Facility: 649 Kyurem Road, Castelia City, Unova

Staff[edit]

An off-duty UTA driver stands beside a stop along Route 129 'Baghdad'.

Also known as Administrators, or "!staff", the operating staff are employed by Uncyclopedia through a long voting process by the community. They are judged on their driving skills, XP points, mana and ability to clean vandalism from buses. Once the community decides on their new drivers, the bureaucrats of Wikipedia decide whether the person is able to join the UTA by instigating a litigation issue on a bus as they train. If they can pass this, the driver is allowed to enter service on Route 129 'Baghdad'. If they can successfully perform service for one week on this route, they are fully admitted to the UTA, signed into union and union dues and kept away from Route 129.

Uniforms and Style[edit]

Mayor Jonathan Huang shows off the new UTA female uniforms at a conference in 2005.

For females, they should look like Uncyclo-tan, with brown hair, green dress and earrings. For males, they should have no beard (you can have a beard if you want, but people will bottle at your for that), and should look like Mayor Huang.