Garbage
Garbage is one of the four fundamental elements of Nature, along with air, water, and nicotine.
Garbage was discovered by noted ecologist Dick Cheney in 1970 when he stumbled upon a mirror. Prior to the discovery of garbage, unwanted items and refuse were thought to be created by "spontaneous generation". This theory held that waste was assembled at the subatomic level by exceptionally tiny flies. When exceptionally tiny flies were shown to exist only in close proximity to screen doors, scientists began the research which led to the discovery of the garbage molecule.
Uses[edit]
The discovery of garbage has opened the way to a number of significant techno advances. The theories of Nobe Peas Prize-winning physicist Carl The Sling Blade Guy showed that garbage can exist in verbal form, a breakthrough which allowed Republicans to use the internet for the first time ever. As a result, AOL's stock experienced record-setting orgspasms.
The use of garbage as a renewable fuel source has been enhanced by the discovery of a process which converts the contents of mobile home lots into energy. Since 1983, over 20 million broken refrigerators and rusty transmissions have been recycled, allowing the energy demands of Bill Gates' mansion to be met a minimum of 16 days per year (and twice on Sundays). Also worth mentioning is that it can be used as an euphemism for the ubiquitous (of course, you dont have a choice), how to put it... remains of what you eat after it goes in... He oh well poop.
Garbage men also use garbage juice ( the green stuff that comes out the bottom of the sack ) as a very nutritional drink. If they are hungry they will also raid the bin until they find something like a banana peel.
Interesting Side Effects of Garbage[edit]
Just like all other elements have their spin-offs and variations (wind's duststorms, water's acid rain, etc.), garbage was the initial reason for the invention of the garbage can. While the garbage can was originally hailed as "The best thing since sliced bread", the variation of the garbage can, the dome-topped swinging door garbage can, was the inspiration for the popular cartoon character, The Juggernaut (Bitch). A dub of an episode of X-Men by a team of black people brought widespread fame to The Juggernaut character. One would be within their right to then claim that the element garbage is responsible for the Juggernaut, and also giving several black people a job, giving garbage +5 points over George W. Bush.
Atomic Structure[edit]
The garbage molecule is composed of two helium atoms, one hydrogen atom and 14 Diet Coke cans. Leading physicist Habib Puddentane has theorized that the molecule is mildly unstable, although Puddentane himself is mildly unstable, having publicly threatened to "slap himself silly" over what he describes as "the rampant misuse of Kool-Aid™ products."