Australian Parliament
The Australian Parliament is a well known center for Politicians to lay back and sleep, breast feed,[1] read the newspaper, and on the odd occasion listen to the bill that they are about to pass.
The Parliament is currently controlled by the Australian Labor Party led by Anthony Albanese (or Tony White in English). Albanese wears glasses and has a face to kick sand into it if you were drunk. He beat religious weirdo Scott Morrison of the Liberals and allies in May 2022.
Background[edit]
After a brief nap in Parliament, the politicians go back to their offices to either sign some unknown document[2] or go back to sleep. Outside of parliament politicians are usually putting in their best effort to smile and hold babies. If you ever feel the need to talk to a politician there should be many found on the front steps of parliament making ready to walk in and bad mouth other politicians to the local media. To sum it all up, the main function of the parliament building is to serve and cater for politicians while they use their spare time to make Australia a better place. If you require a job at Parliament house just apply for either a cleaning job or a cooking job. If you don't want to work at Parliament become a politician.
History[edit]
Parliament has been operating in Australia ever since some old politicians got sleepy and decided to unite Australia. Once united they decided to put together a room to hold many more grumpy old men who care more about that rash they got last sunday to the welfare of Australia. Through this parliament they decided on matters of extreme importance such as railway sizes.
Later on some new brilliant ideas were brought into parliament such as making a detention center (see also refugee) and considering "putting a big lake in the middle of the outback" by brilliant new minds including Peter Costello, John Howard and Pauline Hanson. These politicians have confused scientists so far, as according to the Darwin theory they should have already been killed off years ago, pity they have already started breeding.
Perhaps the most crucial decision ever made in the Australian parliament was the decision to place it in the middle of the outback. For several decades this kept the politicians safely away from the rest of the population until a small community of sycophants developed around the site. Still, nobody much wants to go to the site (now called Canberra) anyway, so the population at large is still safe from the menace of the politicians.
Recent Prime Ministers[edit]
Australia's recent Prime Ministers give renown to the nation:
- Boat-o-phobe, budgie smuggler, model, and Lizard King Tony Rabbit, formerly led by ranga and western bulldogs.
- Julia Gillard, formerly supreme earwax connoisseur.
- Kevin Rudd, who used working families to scare John Howard out of The Lodge and Kirribili. In 2013, Kevin07 rose from the dead to kick Gillard out of office. He then evolved into Kevin13. Lord Rupert finally used his chance to kick Kevin13 and his mob out and installed professional Catholic reptile Abbott as leader so they can begin a new reign of terr.....ificness.
- Scott Morrison became the ugly face of Australia after Rudd failed, until his mug was 'out-mugged' by Albanese in 2022.
Structure[edit]
Parliament comprises two chambers:
- The Senate is decorated in green, which creative politicians assert represents Australia's rich vegetation, not counting the human vegetables in the Senate.
- The House is laid out in red, to represent the spilled blood of Australia's aborigines as their land was wrested away from them.
Above both houses stands the Governor-General. In theory, he represents the Queen. In fact, he represents her, down to the glittering tiara, at some drunken cucumber-sandwich parties. Though all he does is stand around signing and cutting ribbons, he passed many difficult subjects to get this far — possibly on his way to the drinking fountain while skipping classes. The office can be filled by a woman, in which case she is not called the Governess-General.
Below that token Brit is the Prime Minister, a Member of Parliament who is way past his Prime. This orangutan holds no influence in Parliament — compared to, say, George Bush. He has probably forgotten he ever stood for Prime Minister. Many ex-Prime Ministers say Parliament "has been around for as long as I can remember." This is not a fact but an indication they are just as old and senile as Kevin Rudd and cannot remember what they had for breakfast.
Footnotes[edit]
- ↑ Usually involving female politicians or Kim Beazley.
- ↑ But probably for the good of the country, eh?
