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Today's featured article – Alexander IV

Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.

Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.

Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)

All You Need To Know Is...

*... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

... that GMOs are kind of safe? Sort of?

... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?
... that GMOs are kind of safe? Sort of?

... that telling someone you masturbated to their Facebook picture is frowned upon in society?

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On This Day...

August 14: Brutal Dictator Appreciation Day (Saudi Arabia & Jacksonville, FL)

A long time ago - Emperor Ovaltine consolidates his power in the Galactic Empire. When he hears about it, Mace Window is shocked.
1844 BCE - Toast is invented.
1855 BCE - Following the War of a Thousand Toasters, the recipe for toast is lost for over 3000 years.
1880 - Cologne Cathedral in Germany, is completed. It smells great!
1923 - Start of the Dotcom Era.
1987 - A young explorer named Wally ("Waldo" in the Americas) is reported missing.
2001 - George W. Bush is "elected" by his daddy's friends to be president of the United States.
2005 - Ego is discovered to be, in fact, a dirty word. Eggo remains as a frozen waffle.
2006 - Horizontal line is discovered in your pants.
2007 - Vertical line is discovered in the inside of your pants.
2007 - Hitler is finally mentioned in Brutal Dictator Appreciation Day. Took long enough.
2008 - The first "sort of" black dictator is introduced into the history of the US. People take to the streets with high hopes of a kinder, gentler dictator.
2009 - Nut and penis implants are invented.
2010 - Nut and penis implants found to cause cancer. Some 1.3 million white gangstas are affected.
2012 - Dick Cheney dies because his cold blackened void of a heart fails. The world is finally safe.

View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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Jesus on raptor.JPG

Jesus on raptor.JPG - 29.5 total votes ( 29.5 / 0 )

Some modifications have been made to the newest translation of the Holy Bible. In this scene (often called "Palm Sunday"), Jesus is now riding a raptor. While this was partially made to help make Jesus more accessible to Today's children, the decision was also made because certain Christians didn't want people to be able to say that Jesus was "riding someone's ass" that day. Both scientists and fundamental Christians question the historical accuracy of this account.
From the New Cooler Edition: "And Christ touched the Velociraptor, and the Velociraptor was tamed." Luke 13:37 (NCE)

Image credit: Tshell

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