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Today's featured article – HowTo:Become a Pope

Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope.

So let's fill you in with a bit of background. First you will have to be a Catholic and male. We know this may be an impediment to many of you but the church is very broad these days. The Popehood is open to all, but you do need to wear pants and not be a gossip.

There is now a minimum and maximum age to become pope. You also need to be a cardinal to be a papal candidate, though that rule came in about 1,000 years ago. Since you can only become a cardinal once you reach your 35th birthday, that is now the minimum age to become pope. The maximum age for a pope is 80, a rule brought in only in the 1960s. (more...)

Recently featured:

Previously featured article – Norse Korea

Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause. (more...)

Featured today, a long long time ago
	The Addams Family, featured on 05 April 2024. See the featured version.

All You Need To Know Is...

*... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?

... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?

... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
... Raimond Lap is a composer of music for babies, whom could hardly be expected to hold instruments much less read music?

... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?

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Popeye deported for gang-related tattoos (pictured)

DOGE calls on Uncyclopedia

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Trump tees up new American empire

Elon Musk prepares for world government

I'm a doctor — You're peeing all wrong

US polls are broken ( listen)

DNA evidence shows how Christ would vote

Lebanon upgrades comms gear

Ohio city goes to the dogs

NE Patriots go "Judon-frei"

Biden drops out, Harris goes large‎‎

Starmer wins British general election

Assassin shoots Uncyclopedia in ear

Pope Francis revealed to be chat-bot‎

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On This Day...

April 6: Arson Wednesday (Nihilist Church of New Zealand)

350 BCE - Defying the gods, Prometheus brings fire to the human race. Humans use it for decorative tiki torches placed outside their caves. Prometheus then shows how fire can be used to keep warm, cook food, light caves and clear land for crops. At the end of the demonstration, Prometheus asks for questions and a human asks, "Do you think brown or black is a better color for tiki torches?" Prometheus then walks up to the mountains, chains himself to a rock and has eagles rip out his liver.
648 BCE - The earliest solar eclipse recorded by Ancient Greeks is quickly followed by a large earthquake, suicides, and disease.
1 CE - Baby Jesus flips off a goat, and the judges give him a 9.65.
612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now".
1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be the father.
1593 - John Greenwood, English Congressionalist, is hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!"
1895 - Oscar Wilde is arrested in London for "acts of gross indecency". You can't make this stuff up.
1896 - First modern Olympic doping scandal is discovered at Athens games. Two runners are disqualified for eating Wheaties.
1999 - Chinese democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the US Government denies reports of its existence.
1955 - Hell freezes over; the Devil skates to work.
1957 - Three children die in a nuclear attack after being kicked out of a crowded refrigerator by a prominent professor of archaeology.
1985 - Video gaming is first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency. "Stick 'em up and keep your hands in plain sight while I do a save," is commonly heard on the streets.
1989 - Billy Joel is arrested for arson but states "We didn't start the fire," and proceeds to spill his guts, naming a long list of conspirators. (pictured)
1992 - Isaac Asimov's batteries finally wear down. Perhaps the world's most famous robot, Asimov served more than 20 years on the U.S.S. Enterprise under Captain Picard.
1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically. However, some would say he had a shot at it.
1999 - Billy Joel begins to amass his mole army beginning his inevitable rise to world domination.

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