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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

All You Need To Know Is...

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... that a 40 foot tall pine tree is almost always taller than a 30 foot tall one?

... you can't skip this GEICO ad, because it's already over?
... that a 40 foot tall pine tree is almost always taller than a 30 foot tall one?

... you can't skip this GEICO ad, because it's already over?

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On This Day...

May 14: Sky's the Limit Day, Fat Guys in Spandex Festival San Francisco, California USA.

468 BCE - Sky colour declared blue by Greek philosophers.
49 BCE - Sky declared grey by the Roman Republic in order to provoke the Greeks into a fight.
1953 - Sky Masterson, a character from the musical Guys and Dolls, is played by Marlon Brando.
1973 - Skylab, the United States' first space station, is launched. It will take a dozen Druids to keep it in orbit.
1979 - Skylight, the glass thing in my goddamned roof, is greatly expanded by Skylab's wonderful return to Earth. Dammit.
1981 - Demise of the International Dark-Sky Association.
2005 - Skynet is founded by Marlon Brando, utilizing power module and microchips from a crashed Skylab, and broken glass from some guy's skylight.
2006 - Marlon Brando dies in a skydiving accident.
2007 - Bill Gates hits puberty.
2009 - Prime Minister of Australia, Kevin Rudd, declares free money for all.
2010 - Puberty sues Bill Gates for 'unbelievable infliction of emotional distress and disgusting zits'; asks $500 billion.
2012 - Marlon Brando's remains explode, with debris landing as far away as Johannesburg, South Africa.
2014 - The Moon sues Bill Gates because doing nothing but orbiting the earth constantly for billions of years is well and truly boring. It seeks all money on Earth or a PC to play on while orbiting.
2525 - I lost my keys again :(
2990 - Lost keys are located in Howard Beach at the social club of an Italian "Gentleman of Honor" who prefers to remain anonymous.

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