From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
| penar bonar LOL!
|
Today's featured article – Chess pieces
Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence.
Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain.
When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...)
Previously featured article – John Mahama
John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...)
|
| :o
|
| *... Wikipedia has an article about potato production in Zimbabwe, leaving Uncyclopedia editors stunned?
|
|
| Jewish people raped these people
|
|
| bad stuff happened
|
|
June 27: International Day of Rest From International Holidays (USA, res.) (pictured)
- 153 CE - Shuffle walking hits the mainstream. Shoe makers rejoice.
- 476 - Odoacer sacks Rome in response to not being invited to the Senate's toga party.
- 1431 - Joan of Arc is invited to a non-holiday barbecue with tragic results.
- 1617 - The Hapsburg Dynasty is created after the 1st Dynasty Warriors set in feudal Austria. Later games in the series will include Dynasty Warriors Feudal South Africa and DW VII Feudal Libya. Fans express an interest in having a DW set in feudal Japan).
- 1780 - The world's nations agree to stop fighting for a single day. Upon realizing that would make this day a holiday for their soldiers, they continue their unbroken string of bloodshed after 11 AM.
- 1905 - While shooting a film on location aboard a battleship, director Sergei Eisenstein calls for the 50th take on a scene and sailors riot. This of course would later be released as the movie Under Siege starring Steven Seagal.
- 1976 - The Farrah flip falls out of style in most Middle Eastern countries, except strangely in Oman.
- 1980 - Freddie Mercury finally gets to ride his bicycle.
- 1992 - Fedor Emelianenko defeats terrorism at a twenty minute decision in PRIDE.
- 2004 - Krispy Kreme invents the first glazed atom bomb, but fat hungry people lick all the glaze off.
- 2021 - All attempts to logically explain how computers really work fail, and numerous experts agree that technology is simply magic.
|
|
