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Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope.
So let's fill you in with a bit of background. First you will have to be a Catholic and male. We know this may be an impediment to many of you but the church is very broad these days. The Popehood is open to all, but you do need to wear pants and not be a gossip.
There is now a minimum and maximum age to become pope. You also need to be a cardinal to be a papal candidate, though that rule came in about 1,000 years ago. Since you can only become a cardinal once you reach your 35th birthday, that is now the minimum age to become pope. The maximum age for a pope is 80, a rule brought in only in the 1960s. (more...)
Previously featured article – Norse Korea
Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause. (more...)
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April 2: National Refrigerator Day (Paraguay)
- c.9000 BCE - During severe late freezes, cavemen would kill a mammoth but leave it intact to freeze solid. Then by pushing it over, it would shatter, making easy-to-carry pieces to take home. This would eventually turn into the practice of cow tipping after cattle are domesticated.
- 1111 - The Knights Templar come into being as a clandestine drinking society.
- 1391 - Bob Hope fights a grizzly bear and is elected King of Prussia upon his victory.
- 1646 - The Little Ice Age makes refrigeration unnecessary, as people are too cold to get up and make dinner in the first place.
- 1942 - The classic arcade title 1942 is designed; the rights to the year are purchased by Capcom.
- 1983 - Science is invented by accident. It is quickly swept into a bedpan.
- 1984 - Miniluv put crimethink proles into fridge, remake them goodthink fullwise. Maytag Man is sent to Room 101.
- 2002 - The U.S. Kitten Embargo begins as part of The War Against Terror. (pictured)
- 2005 - St. Peter's Basilica accidentally eats the Pope but is killed by atheist Harry Potter.
- 2005 - The first Expired Goods Festival is held. Its popularity is proven by all the attendees that expire afterward.
- 2007 - The third Expired Goods Festival is held and abandoned, due to mutant foodstuffs eating exhibitors.
- 2008 - The X-Men come to fight with mutant foodstuffs but later have found that they're the same kind as them. So they have a good brotherly group hug and leave.
- 2009 - Thousands are found dead with a bag of frozen peas or mixed vegetables stuck to their faces after Indiana Jones supposedly proves you can survive a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator.
- 2010 - Wayne Rooney discovers second brain cell then asplodes after information overload.
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