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Today's featured article – Switzerland
Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling.
At the beginning of time, Switzerland was a small moon orbiting the Earth, populated entirely by cows, sheep, and shepherd dogs; it is now thought to be where those creatures came from in the first place and it was known as tobleronistan.
 Location of Switzerland, according to CNN. Due to continental drift, the country now lies south of Germany. After being sent down to Earth, having fallen behind on sky-high rent, Switzerland came to be located south of Germany, bordering France, Italy, Australia and Liechtenstein. Switzerland annexed Czechia in 1990 because the country got too cramped and stuff is cheaper in eastern Europe, although today most Swiss are known to have trillions of dollars in the bank. (more...)
St. Pierre and Michelob (technically, the Territorial Collectivity of Saint Pierre et Michelob; French: Collectivité territoriale de Saint-Pierre-et-Michelob), is an archipelago of small islands off the coast of eastern Canada, the main islands being St. Pierre and Michelob, south of the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labatt. The islands come within 10 km of Newfoundland. (more...)
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| *... turtles can run at top speeds of 87 miles per hour, but only in short bursts?
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| Jewish people raped these people
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January 7: International Insanity Day
- 788 - King Arthur has white wine with his lunch instead of red wine. The round table becomes concerned.
- 1938 - The League of Nations is destroyed by the Axis of Evil, going down in three straight sets.
- 1940 - France is destroyed by the Axis of Evil. Somehow, it only takes one set.
- 1943 - Nazi German troops under the command of Gen. Paulus surrender at Stalingrad after realizing they were wasting their time fighting over Russia of all places.
- 1961 - Willie Nelson writes the song Crazy, performed by Patsy Cline. Both would be put in straightjackets and given electroshock treatments for their efforts.
- 1977 - A chemical is derived that kills JFK again, revives Hitler's brain again, and taste like grape juice. Black Karl Marx is born. (pictured)
- 1894 - Thomas Edison makes a short film that consists solely of one person sneezing. He was ahead of his time.
- 2005 - Gnarls Barkley releases the song Crazy. The politically correct would protest the Willie Nelson song as being "insensitive", with the same people rating the Gnarls Barkley song as a "melodramatic triumph".
- 2007 - Everything begins to make sense now! Yay!
- 2008 - The Pope excommunicates water; his approval rating soars to 7 people.
- 2009 - Lethal Weapon 5 is released to the public, in which Riggs blows up random stuff in the name of God and a deceased Murtaugh rises from the grave to confirm that he is, conclusively, too old for this shit.
- 2021 - Trump describes Capitol building invaders and looters as "special people". Social media companies remove his microphone and his bullhorn.
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