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Today's featured article – Kalamazoo
Kalamazoo is a nonexistent city in southwestern Michigan. The state government, knowing it didn't have enough goofy-sounding towns like Kalkaska, invented Kalamazoo just to amuse people stuck in more conventionally named places like Detroit or Paw Paw. And even if it existed, there would be no zoo in Kalamazoo. A small Nature Interpretive Center, perhaps.
No one should be fooled by the name. After all, Los Angeles has virtually no angels. Is New York new? That's another negatory, good buddy; though one can get mugged, which is often news. And New Mexico is certainly not in Mexico; there is a border inspection between you and Albuquerque, but the squeegee men on duty will let you pass without a passport. Similarly, Kalamazoo does not have a zoo. Hence, it does not exist.
Ypsilanti, on the other hand, does exist. And, given its South Side, it does not need a zoo. (more...)
Kalamazoo is a nonexistent city in southwestern Michigan. The state government, knowing it didn't have enough goofy-sounding towns like Kalkaska, invented Kalamazoo just to amuse people stuck in more conventionally named places like Detroit or Paw Paw. And even if it existed, there would be no zoo in Kalamazoo. A small Nature Interpretive Center, perhaps. (more...)
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November 5: Remember, remember, the fifth of November: Explode The Government Day (Britain)
- 1000 - I go back in time with a car. I blow said car up to fuck with the natives but unknowingly, I have invented the car bomb for future generations.
- 1605 - The Parliament building fails to explode. Hundreds of offers pour in from many organizations and countries offering tips and advice on how to do it.
- 1652 - Oliver Cromwell performs a perfect 10 in his Olympic performance of spontaneous combustion.
- 1793 - Robespierre and his crew, the Guillo-Teens, drop their big hit Fuk da Police.
- 1854 - Anonymous inventor skinned while testing early hydraulic barber chair.
- 1900 - Despite widespread panic and rumors in proposition, Big Ben doesn't explode, but the Prime Minister does.
- 1934 - Vito Corleone refuses an offer and gets an idea.
- 1955 - Old Man Peabody's pine trees are destroyed by a 1981 DeLorean driven by Marty McFly.
- 1984 - Despite the Brotherhood's efforts, Big Brother is not wounded in a suicide bombing. Let's thank him for increasing our chocolate to 20 grams!
- 1987 - Margaret Thatcher's imminent Silent But Deadly reaches critical mass and explodes in her intestine.
- 1996 - Bickering in Parliament over the proper pronunciation of tyranny escalates to two fatalities in the House of Lords by cranial explosion.
- 1997 - V is for Vendetta is released. Halloween mask makers with excess stock rejoice.
- 2001 - Terrorists try to blow up Parliament. Tony Blair initiates the War on Catholics.
- 2003 - Catholics win by recruiting Emo Hitler.
- 2005 - The first time machine is built in 12 seconds and malfunctions, causing Earth to be turned into bacon.
- 2006 - Vatican City falls to Tony Blair and Robocop. Dispute over who gets to be Pope begins. End of the Five-Day War somewhat overshadowed by this event.
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