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Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope.
So let's fill you in with a bit of background. First you will have to be a Catholic and male. We know this may be an impediment to many of you but the church is very broad these days. The Popehood is open to all, but you do need to wear pants and not be a gossip.
There is now a minimum and maximum age to become pope. You also need to be a cardinal to be a papal candidate, though that rule came in about 1,000 years ago. Since you can only become a cardinal once you reach your 35th birthday, that is now the minimum age to become pope. The maximum age for a pope is 80, a rule brought in only in the 1960s. (more...)
Previously featured article – Norse Korea
Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause. (more...)
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| *... that Wright-Patterson Air Force Base is home to a heavily guarded repository of bad puns?
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| Jewish people raped these people
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 You spent how much on balsa wood condoms? March 31: Condom Appreciation Day
- 4000 BCE - Babylonians create the first wooden condoms, resulting in much fewer unexpected pregnancies and many, many, many more splinter-related injuries.
- 1865 - The modern condom is introduced, consisting of sheep stomach lining coated with sulfuric acid. It is quixotically not well received.
- 1889 - The Eiffel Tower opens to the public. As the steel of the time is notoriously weak, workers rub Viagra into the metal to keep the tower erect.
- 1917 - The U.S. purchases the Danish West Indies and renames it the Virgin Islands to attract sailors.
- 1930 - The Motion Picture Production Code ("Hays Code") is created to stop immoral behavior from being shown on the screen, like dirty socks draped on a chair. Dirty sock fetishists would have to sneak across the borders for many years.
- 1939 - With the invention of latex, the modern modern condom is introduced, single handedly ending the Great Depression.
- 1958 - Condoms are mentioned on television for the first time in an episode of The Flintstones entitled Put It Back In.
- 1970 - National No-Condom decade kicks off at Studio 69 in New York City.
- 1986 - AIDS becomes all the rage. Condom sales increase tenfold.
- 2009 - The Pope claims that condoms would increase the number of people with AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa, in a similar manner to how exercise is unhealthy and cheeseburgers eat people.
- 2020 - Robotic condoms are invented.
- 2030 - Robotic condoms, sick and tired of copulating with female genitals, turn gay.
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