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Today's featured article – Arthur Currie
General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.
Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.
Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)
Previously featured article – Star Trek
Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)
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| *... air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
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April 26: Hyperbole Day
- Millions of years ago - Hyperbole Day is founded in the most spectacular ceremony since the dawn of time.
- 1756 - The exclamation point is born on this fantastic day!
- 1834 - The best day in all of history! There'll never ever be another day like it! It's AMAZING!
- 1922 - Warren G. Harding's popularity is at an all time high! New York Times: "Harding is the best president ever!"
- 1935 - Champagne toasts and caviar dreams greet newborn Robin Leach!
- 1944 - Concentration camp deaths in Poland reach a new zenith! Hitler asks, "Who knew Jews could be so results oriented?"
- 1965 - The mildest day in the history of the universe. No other day was as mild. Ever.
- 1975 - The worst day in the history of the universe, so much so that no one mentions it and so we no longer know when it was. But we do know that it was some time between 1965 and 1988.
- 1986 - Ronald Reagan stays awake for an entire cabinet meeting!
- 1986 - The Chernobyl nuclear power plant randomly asploded after Cher poured vodka into the reactor instead of plutonium.
- 1988 - A group of the world most talented musicians come together to write the greatest song in the history of the world. It has a sound so astonishingly incredible and so incredibly beautiful that people come from all over the world just to hear it played at its one and only live performance at the grandest stadium in the world, the Metrodome.
- 1990 - Oprah is so hungry she could eat a horse. Twice!
- 2006 - Pete Wentz of Fall Out Boy spews out sperm so high it touches the stars.
- 2011 - I just had sex! And it felt so good!!! Ya know a woman let me put my penis inside her!!! Say goodbye to cats!!!!!
- 2016 - You become a 1337 haxor for 5 seconds before going back to being a n00b.
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[vote]
| Hand grenade.jpg - 30 total votes ( 33 / 3 )
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The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.
Image credit: Mosquitopsu
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