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God has written 37,400 Bible stories since opening in AD 1.

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17

NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Star Trek

StarTrekOrig01.jpg

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.

Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."

Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)

Previously featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)

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Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

Nov smoz kapop?

April 7: Hallucinate While Juggling Porcupines Day

  • 65 million BCE - Raptor Jesus becomes extinct for your sins.
  • 9 CE - General Publius Quinctilius Varus is showing off for his troops by juggling five porcupines at once when his distracted legions are attacked by Germanic tribesman in the Teutoborg Forest. Varus attempts to hide in a tiny cave but the now-angry porcupines turn on him and kill him. Upon hearing of the disaster, Emperor Augustus would exclaim, "Varus, give me back my legions and bring back real vaudeville!"
  • 1067 - The first ever Battle of Hastings re-enactment is fought.
  • 1544 - Queen Elizabeth I starts her famous celebrity gossip column in The Times.
  • 1741 - The War of Jenkins' Ear spreads down to his legs.
  • 1906 - Mt. Vesuvius erupts due to a bout of tectonic indigestion.
  • 1954 - Jackie Chan is born and kung-fu kicks your mom in the delivery room.
  • 1969 - The Beatles publish their greatest work, the Communist Manifesto.
  • 1988 - Sheryl Crow breaks $15,000 worth of crockery with one wave of her baseball bat.
  • 2004 - Mike Tyson gets beaten with a three-round TKO by Jaleel White. Vegas bookies go bankrupt after millions are bet on Erkel.
  • 2007 - Every woman across Mozambique burns down her house in an act of defiance against the evil rule of Captain Birdseye.
  • 2009 - Madonna adopts her 20th child from Africa after finally eating the previous one.

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  1. Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.