Babel:Te

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Alexander IV

AlexanderIV.jpg

Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.

Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.

Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Arthur Currie

Muggins.jpg

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)

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Genesis

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Selected Anniversaries

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August 29: International Androgynous Goat-People Observance Day

  • 328,987 BCE - Goats evolve from dolphins, on time and under budget.
  • 240v AC - Electricity becomes the new fad in tribes.
  • 33 CE - St. John of Patmos has a wet dream.
  • 1189 - Ban Kulin writes The Charter of Kulin, which is later banned.
  • 1493 - Chet Columbus lands in Ohio.
  • 1862 - Second Battle of Bull Run. This time, Bruce Willis is brought in as lead actor in an effort to stimulate box office sales.
  • 1924 - The cheeseburger is invented in Cheeseburg, California.
  • 1927 - Helen Keller is born but doesn't even notice the difference.
  • 1942 - In response to World War II, ham is invented. Winston Churchill proclaims it "One small step for man, one giant leap for breakfast".
  • 1942 - Famed restaurant the Grease Hut opens it doors for the first time, collectively clogging arteries across the nation.
  • 1956 - In a remote corner of Canada, a moose teaches ice hockey to a pack of wolves.
  • 1972 - Pringles, the first tessellating potato snack, are invented in Leicester by mathematician Dr. Julius Pringles in order to save storage space in his tiny kitchen.
  • 1999 - The War of 1812 is fought by several confused historians. Albert Einstein is the special guest referee. The soundtrack is available from Arista. It is shown worldwide on Pay-Per-View, presented by Snickers: "Hungry? Why Wait?".
  • 2005 - The Gulf Coast experiences light rainshowers and a moderate breeze, followed by giant armored penguins by late afternoon.
  • 2006 - The Antichrist comes, wearing a miniskirt and playing an accordion.
  • 2008 - The individual presumed to be The Antichrist was in fact the new Republican Party publicity director. It seems they dress in similar fashion.

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