Babel:Te

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God has written 37,405 Bible stories since opening in AD 1.

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

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General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

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Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

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June 12: Elephant Flossing Day, Hug a Proctologist Day

  • 1885 - At a murder trial in France, a roof collapses, killing 30 people, finally ending the vicious cycle of "justice" in France once and for all!
  • 1932 - Current month begins bustin' out all over, ends up leaving a horrible mess. Incident later depicted in the musical Carousel.
  • 1939 - In northern Africa, Adolf Hitler refuses to floss an elephant as a gesture of welcome from a local tribe, as "it could be full of gay". Tribesmen chase him out, and he takes his anger out on Poland soon after.
  • 1987 - In Chernobyl, Russian Emperor Mikhail Gorbachev accidentally misflosses an elephant during the Chernobyl Elephant Flossing Day Annual Festival. As a result, reactor #2 at the Chernobyl nuclear flossing plant explodes, killing 42 people and injuring one elephant.
  • 1987 - Schenectady woman Joyce Q. Spepple claims to see vision of Virgin Mary in a taco salad; it is later proven to be a secret message from Helen Reddy.
  • 1987 - In Berlin, Ronald Reagan challenges Mikhail Gorbachev to "tear down this wall." The Battle of the Berlin Wall ensues over trellis styles and flowering vine colors.
  • 1987 - Reagan forgets what the Battle of the Berlin Wall was about.
  • 1987 - Borg attack sector 001 (before breakfast) reminding Reagan that "resistance is futile". Reagan nukes Borg while shouting "Assimilate this motherflossers!".
  • 1987 - All women's underwear declared illegal in Warsaw Pact nations. NATO, having seen Warsaw Pact women, don't really care.
  • 1987 - World attacked by aliens from Pluto (lunchtime). Pluto declared a non-planet, attack vaporizes as they are not real.
  • 1987 - World stock markets crash. Lehman Brothers is given a ticket for "failure to yield". Markets rebound and begin dating other markets.
  • 1987 - 2,479,802 other major civilization-threatening events occur. No one notices due to Communist underwear crisis.
  • 2010 - Justin Beiber, Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson are all found dead after an apparent fight over who got to fuck Kristen Stewart. Kristen's response was "Fuck you, you motherfuckers. Justin Beiber? He ain't even legal. No one's gonna come between me and my man, Robert. Wait, Robert's dead? Oh HELL NO!"
  • 2011 - Garden Gnome sexing becomes an Olympic sport. Justin Beiber is named captain of Canadian and United States teams.

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