Babel:Te

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Te:)
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Welcome to WikiTestament

The free Internet Bible that anyone can edit.


God has written 37,403 Bible stories since opening in AD 1.

Before editing, please check your sources with God, or you will be banished to the wasteland that is Wikipedia.

Browse: Politics - Games - Computers - People - Quaint - Coherent
Most Popular - Alphabetical Index - Other Categories...

THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Alexander IV

AlexanderIV.jpg

Alexander the Great was an act that was hard to follow. His empire stretched from Greece to India and as far south as Egypt. For his only male heir — Alexander IV of Macedonia — it would prove impossible to follow. Hence his sobriquet Alexander the Not So Great.

Alexander IV was a weak echo of his father, like Caesarion the son of Julius Caesar, Napoleon II heir of Napoleon I, and various Kennedys, Bushes, and Clintons of United States politics.

Alexander IV arrived in this world a few months after the death of his father in 323 BC. His mother was the fiery Roxane from Bactria on the Persian frontier, a wild land of two-humped camels and savage inter-tribal wars. Roxane was a warrior princess who was disgusted that her father had her married off to some swarthy, Greek-speaking foreigner. So much did she loathe her spouse that she tried to murder him on their wedding night — at least according to Oliver Stone's film about the Macedonian bleached-blond beach bum. After that bumpy start, the couple managed to avoid killing each other, at least until they produced a male heir. (more...)

Recently featured:

Previously featured article – Arthur Currie

Muggins.jpg

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite passages to be featured.

Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

Jean Grey.jpg

July 19: Swallows Return (San Juan Capistrano, US), Great Cat Feast (also San Juan Capistrano), Ice Age ends

  • 193 - Romans make a chicken and then a plate of fruit their emperor as all human choices are lacking.
  • 1018 - King Æthelred the Unready finally thinks of a snappy reply to an insult by the Vikings. Unfortunately, he is already dead.
  • 1545 - The Tudor warship Mary Rose sinks off Portsmouth, after leaving a porthole ajar in a storm.
  • 1553 - Jean Grey (pictured) is replaced as Phoenix by Queen Mary, after holding that title for just nine days.
  • 1788 - The constant chatter of swallows returning to San Juan Capistrano wakes the kraken. Not able to go back to sleep, it goes out for breakfast only to get burnt hash browns and the wrong kind of toast.
  • 1864 - Rebels are defeated in the Taiping Rebellion by Chinese forces, with elements regrouping to join Robert E. Lee in Virginia.
  • 1870 – France declares war on Chef Boyardee, starting the Franco-American War.
  • 1877 - The first Wimbledon Tennis Championship is held, oddly enough, in Hoboken, New Jersey.
  • 1992 - Actor Luke Perry reaches the height of his celebrity and records a world-record 18 public service announcements in one day.
  • 1977 - The first GPS signal is sent and scientists tracking it are sent to parts unknown, never to be seen again.
  • 2009 - After not returning en masse to San Juan Capistrano, biologists carefully glue any swallows they find into their nests. Local restaurants are unable to serve all-you-can-eat roast swallow dinners.
  • 2622 - Time machines are invented, and history is re-written. All the above is rendered possibly false.

For God-related chat, see #uncyclopedia @ IRCnet. (If you don't have an IRC client, you can use this link.) Just change the nickname to your Uncyclopedia name and the channel to #uncyclopedia.)

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and Almighty Satan.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=Babel:Te&oldid=6189487"