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God has written 37,400 Bible stories since opening in AD 1.

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17

NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

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General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

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Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

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April 7: Hallucinate While Juggling Porcupines Day

  • 65 million BCE - Raptor Jesus becomes extinct for your sins.
  • 9 CE - General Publius Quinctilius Varus is showing off for his troops by juggling five porcupines at once when his distracted legions are attacked by Germanic tribesman in the Teutoborg Forest. Varus attempts to hide in a tiny cave but the now-angry porcupines turn on him and kill him. Upon hearing of the disaster, Emperor Augustus would exclaim, "Varus, give me back my legions and bring back real vaudeville!"
  • 1067 - The first ever Battle of Hastings re-enactment is fought.
  • 1544 - Queen Elizabeth I starts her famous celebrity gossip column in The Times.
  • 1741 - The War of Jenkins' Ear spreads down to his legs.
  • 1906 - Mt. Vesuvius erupts due to a bout of tectonic indigestion.
  • 1954 - Jackie Chan is born and kung-fu kicks your mom in the delivery room.
  • 1969 - The Beatles publish their greatest work, the Communist Manifesto.
  • 1988 - Sheryl Crow breaks $15,000 worth of crockery with one wave of her baseball bat.
  • 2004 - Mike Tyson gets beaten with a three-round TKO by Jaleel White. Vegas bookies go bankrupt after millions are bet on Erkel.
  • 2007 - Every woman across Mozambique burns down her house in an act of defiance against the evil rule of Captain Birdseye.
  • 2009 - Madonna adopts her 20th child from Africa after finally eating the previous one.

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