Babel:Te

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Te:)
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Welcome to WikiTestament

The free Internet Bible that anyone can edit.


God has written 37,343 Bible stories since opening in AD 1.

Before editing, please check your sources with God, or you will be banished to the wasteland that is Wikipedia.

Browse: Politics - Games - Computers - People - Quaint - Coherent
Most Popular - Alphabetical Index - Other Categories...

THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – The Witcher

TheWitcher01.jpg

The Witcher is a short story series/fantasy book saga/role-playing game/Netflix television show. It is set a time period of Medieval knights, monsters, fantastical beings and a lot of magic. If you can imagine a mix of Conan the Barbarian, Game of Thrones and the legends of King Arthur then you will be getting close to what this series is about. Think also of Monty Python and the Holy Grail and a dash of Harry Potter then you would have the formula.

The author of The Witcher is Andrzej Sapkowski (born 1948). He is a Polish-born writer who started his Witcher short stories in the 1980s. This was followed by books in the 1990s, which took almost as long to finish as George R. R. Martin's A Game of Thrones, not ending until 2013. It took even longer for them to be translated into English. Some wish the copyright holders hadn't bothered.

A witcher is essentially a male witch or warlock with the yellow eyes of a cat. He has some magic tricks but normally prefers to express himself with his sword(s). Witchers don't like to talk too much and physically look like Arnold Schwarzenegger's son. Except a witcher is also a 'mutant' and sterile as a jackass. (more...)

Previously featured article – Chess pieces

Lewis Chessman.png

Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite passages to be featured.

Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

Eat bugs.png

June 30: Dare a Younger Sibling to Eat an Insect Day (pictured)

  • 66 million BCE - A young triceratops attempts to feed a bug to a newly hatched sibling but is hit in the crotch by a very large meteorite before it could do so. Small mammals see this and will remember the joke.
  • 3000 BCE - Cain dares Abel to eat a scorpion. Abel does, and falls dead. Cain tries to explain it was an accident, but nobody will listen.
  • 1500 BCE - Aaron dares his younger brother Moses to eat a scarab beetle. Moses does so, and the gritty taste convinces him to lead his people from Egypt.
  • 44 BCE - Julius Caesar dies after being forced to eat a bug carrying a large knife.
  • 1859 - Oscar Wilde, despondent over not having a sibling to dare to eat an insect or be dared to eat an insect by, consumes an earwig.
  • 1867 - Via the cleverest ruse possible, Mycroft Holmes gets his younger brother Sherlock to eat a bug.
  • 1921 - U.S. President Warren G. Harding appoints former President William Howard Taft to the Supreme Court, after Taft successfully attempts to eat a small quantity of mosquitoes.
  • 1935 - The Dionne quintuplets are born. By the time the last, Marie, was born, her older sisters were already waiting with insects in hand.
  • 1959 - American actor Vincent D'Onofrio is born, paving the way to a career of acting as though he had just accepted a dare to eat a rather nasty-tasting insect.
  • 1971 - Ohio ratifies the 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, lowering the voting age to 18, and lowering the threshold at which younger siblings are no longer required to accept bug-related dares to 16.
  • 1999 - Blue whales lose their appetites when told they are eating "bugs". Krill is rebranded as "seafood medley" and the whales return to their original food sources after subsisting on pelicans and fishermen in rowboats.
  • 2016 - Queen Elizabeth II formally announces her regret at making the late Princess Margaret eat a bug when they were children. She atones for this by holding down Prince Charles and shoveling quantities of what is termed "bug salad" into his mouth as millions cheer.

For God-related chat, see #uncyclopedia @ IRCnet. (If you don't have an IRC client, you can use this link.) Just change the nickname to your Uncyclopedia name and the channel to #uncyclopedia.)

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and Almighty Satan.

Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=Babel:Te&oldid=6189487"