Babel:Te

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God has written 37,406 Bible stories since opening in AD 1.

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Star Trek

StarTrekOrig01.jpg

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.

Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."

Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)

Previously featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)

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Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

I'll be right over... zzzz

March 20: Procrastination Day (extends until tomorrow)

  • c.170 million BCE - Sloths plot their invasion of Africa but are thwarted by continental drift before they can act.
  • 8065 BCE - Atlantis passes flood control legislation but never gets around to buying the equipment to implement it.
  • 814 - Charlemagne devises a plan for world peace but fails to write it down before he dies.
  • 1510 - Martin Luther writes his 95 Theses and intends to post them, but keeps forgetting to bring nails to hammer them to the church door when he attends Sunday services.
  • 1602 - The Dutch East India Company is founded, paving the way for the trade of such goods as sugar, spices, human slaves, and additional sugar.
  • 1815 - After escaping from his exile in Elba using cheese, cocked berets, and other French sterotypes, Napoleon Bonaparte begins his "Hundred Days" Rule.
  • 1833 - Honest Jim starts his career by selling his grandfather's false teeth back to him at nine times their original value.
  • 1852 - Hariet Beecher Stowe's Uncle Tom's Cabin is published, setting racial equality back for an estimated two hundred years.
  • 1864 - Dick Cheney gets bitten by a vampire. The vampire dies of poisoning.
  • 1883 - Eleven counties signed the Paris Convention for the Protection of Industrial Property, strictly outlawing the trade of ideas, dreams, and mind-control paraphernelia.
  • 1914 - The first International Figure Skating World Championships take place in Connecticut. The losers maintain their dignity.
  • 1984 - Dungeons & Dragons hits a new high note with the introduction of the Stock Broker playable character set, including Briefcase of Monotony and +2 Ballpoint Pen.

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  1. ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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