Babel:Te

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God has written 37,405 Bible stories since opening in AD 1.

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

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General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

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Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Selected Anniversaries

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June 11: Ontological Empiricism Day

  • 1770 - Captain James Cook wonders whether the Great Barrier Reef actually 'exists', or is simply a bundle of sense-data, which is 'perceived' by most to be a coral reef. He is driven mad within minutes.
  • 1879 - The Prince of Oranges and Lemons dies.
  • 1922 - The Society of Post-postmodernism declares ontological empiricism shallow and pedantic.
  • 1945 - The last day Kyle was seen... Have you seen Kyle?
  • 1963 - A Buddhist monk, believing himself to have perfected fireproof clothing, performs a public demonstration of the clothes by setting himself on fire in a crowded Vietnamese street. Predictably, the monk himself was not fireproof and burned to death.
  • 1979 - The constituencies of Ontological and Empirical both redrawn as safe Liberal Democrat seats, as no other party understand them.
  • 1993 - Margaret Thatcher lost in Woolworths; found near Pic'n'Mix.
  • 1999 - Cheese is reinvented as a basic element after complaints from several pan-dimensional beings.
  • 2004 - Bare assertion fallacy rediscovered as brash, and somewhat tittilating.
  • 2005 - Uncyclopedia users baffled by the words 'ontological', 'empiricism', and in some cases, 'day'. Due to that, no-one understands the June 11 On This Day.
  • 2006 - Uncyclopedia users, armed with pocket thesauruses, attempt to post something relevant. Success is extremely limited.
  • 2007 - The creator of Ontological Empiricism Day is punched in the face by God. 'Here you have a proof of both your existence and logos!' declared the agressor.
  • 2008 - The Hermeneutic Society votes against holding Ontological Empiricism Day, quoting the 'Universe Indexed Properties and the Fate of the Ontological Argument' papers.
  • 2010 - Steve Irwin confirmed as 'still dead'.

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