Babel:Te

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.

If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.)

Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)

Previously featured article – Switzerland

Blueprint for the Matterhorn.JPG

Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite passages to be featured.

Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

LGBT BLT

February 17: International Gay, Lesbian, Transexual and Bisexual (GATTACA) Day

  • 28 CE - Jesus informs his disciples that he's gay. They all laugh at his little joke and proceed to gangbang Mary Magdalene.
  • 29 - Mary Magdalene is found in a dark room with lipstick all over her face, abusing herself in a mirror.
  • 903 - Bored scribes copying Bibles would write in passages saying God hated gays. This would not be taken seriously until the 20th century.
  • 1798 - Thomas Jefferson receives an anonymous valentine, hoping against hope it is from Alexander Hamilton but suspecting Benjamin Franklin.
  • 1931 - Under pressure, restaurants throughout America are forced to remove Gouda cheese from their lettuce, Gouda, bacon and tomato (LGBT) sandwiches, which then become less-interesting BLT sandwiches (shown).
  • 1987 - Pedobear attacks the LGBT movement from the pulpit of Westboro Baptist Church, a congregation of bad sign painters with psychiatric medication issues.
  • 1999 - Newspaper shipping reports get with the times and change their coverage to fanfic on the internet.
  • 2001 - HAL 9000, a homophobic computer, attempts to kill two gay dudes on a spaceship. Hilarity ensues.
  • 2004 - People named Gaylord are asked if they have ever watched the television show Gaylords Say No. Most say no.
  • 2006 - You finally forget about your miserable Valentine's Day, only to be tormented by this reminder.
  • 2009 - Rabbit ears are officially obsolete in America. By law, lagomorphs across the nation must upgrade to sonar.
  • 2009 - MP John Prescott is violently molested by a fanatical Pavarotti obsessive.
  • 2009 - John Prescott is discovered at the corner of Downing Street in a corset and fish-net tights attempting to whore himself out to passing single parents. He is quickly put back on tranquilisers, ceasing all higher brain functions and allowing normal command of the country to resume.
  • 2019 - Denmark is officially recognised as a mistake and erased from history.
  • 2040 - All world languages are revoked and replaced with American, a language consisting solely of words with one syllable or less.
  • 3010 - The Iraq War is resolved to the satisfaction of all thanks to the complete absence of Iraq.

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  1. ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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