Babel:Te

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.

If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.)

Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)

Previously featured article – Switzerland

Blueprint for the Matterhorn.JPG

Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite passages to be featured.

Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

Feb.jpg

February 3: Go Fuck a Groundhog Day

  • c.1200 BCE - Groundhogs are worshipped by the Mayans, whereas they are just your chubby little run-of-the-mill pyramid-building rodents from outer space with godlike powers.
  • 532 BCE - Groundhogs take in laundry to make ends meet, beginning their own Iron Age.
  • 235 - The Moon is invented by rogue cave dwelling ducks from South Africa.
  • 947 - Doughnut-worshipping groundhogs change their name to woodchucks to avoid religious persecution.
  • 1194 - Saladin I gets it on with Pandhragati Phil, a local groundhog, causing it to snow in Arabia.
  • 1806 - The chickens come home to Roost. Residents of Roost get tired of eating eggs very quickly.
  • 1903 - Inspired by hearing a story about how Theodore Roosevelt refuses to shoot a bear on the grounds that it was injured and elderly, and besides, "it's no fun if they can't run fast enough to almost make it before I blow their brains out", Morris Michtom and his wife Rose introduce the first teddy bear in America. It would later attempt to assassinate Roosevelt.
  • 1942 - Singapore falls. Denmark trips, but says he's all right and gets up again.
  • 1992 - Prefix "e-" is invented. Kitten death rate triples.
  • 1995 - Bill Murray repeats himself while learning about Uber and Lyft drivers.
  • 1996 - Bill Murray humps Andie MacDowell again.
  • 2012 - SOPA passes, internet ends.

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  1. ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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