Babel:Te

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Star Trek

StarTrekOrig01.jpg

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it.

Gene Roddenberry (Star Trek's creator) hated the planet Earth after falling off his bike onto it, badly grazing a knee. "The only reason every damn television series is set on this damn planet is because of institutional racism — nothing more, nothing less," he commented. His words here spoken by an actor in a weak attempt to conceal inebriation at the hands of Klingon Mind Laager. "But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count parallel universes, which I do ... but that's just a hobby, and to be honest, I've lost count."

Roddenberry also despised hats. No one in the Federation ever wears one, except while disguised on a backwards planet plagued by social ills and long-winded speeches. Not even when they're trapped on an ice planet and freezing to death do crewmen wear hats. This is because Roddenberry realized hats are the symbol both of corrupt monarchies and of organized religions. (more...)

Previously featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support. (more...)

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Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

Rioters run wild

April 1: April Fools Day

  • 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Human agents of Cthulhu take notice and report to headquarters.
  • 1930 - April begins her life outside the limelight when her sister Judith is born. Inhuman agents of Cthulhu are sent to Milwaukee.
  • 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother, the well-known Rose Fools, bake cookies. The Million Favored Ones steal cookies but all are eaten before being brought before Cthulhu.
  • 1942 - April suffers her first true heartbreak when her sister Judith makes the cheerleading squad over her, gets the lead in the school play, and steals her boyfriend Johnny on the same day. This is all part of the plan of dark forces to drive April insane. Instead she gets angry, taking it out on a tree on the way home from school that is actually the Dunwich Horror in disguise.
  • 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee. A group of Azagoths attempt to kidnap April, but are squashed in their hiding place by a tank tread.
  • 1947 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin.
  • 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen. Cthonians are tasked with stealing more cookies but pig out and end up exploding two blocks from the house.
  • 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather. Cthulhu's minions attempt to kidnap the child during a thunderstorm, but a suspiciously well-placed lightning bolt stops the scheme cold.
  • 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy. An attempt to kidnap her is foiled when Voormi are crippled by Legos left on the floor by Richard.
  • 1964 - Albert's job as a box factory floor supervisor requires the Cranstons to relocate to Fargo, North Dakota. This is all part of the plan to lure April to the Arctic stronghold of the Elder Gods.
  • 1970 - April enjoys what she would later describe as 'the rush of a lifetime' when appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies. The agents of Cthulhu completely miss this as they are watching cartoons on a different channel.
  • 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston. Lincoln Logs, slip and fall, blah, blah, blah.
  • 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Her birthday is declared a national holiday. Cthulhu returns to his underwater lair but not before firing all his inhuman resources staff.

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  1. ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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