Babel:Te

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THE WIKI CREED
For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book,
If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book;
and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life
—Revelation 22:19-17
NOW GO EDIT SOME STUFF!

Today's featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.

If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.)

Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)

Previously featured article – Switzerland

Blueprint for the Matterhorn.JPG

Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)

You can vote for your favorite passages to be featured.

Books[edit]

Genesis

More of the best of the Bible

Selected Anniversaries

Delicious!

January 31: National Ice Cream Day

  • 201 - Ice cream is invented in Rome, but it quickly melts due to the lack of refrigerators. Everyone is forced to slurp it. Citizens Baskini and Robbinus work to solve the problem by making offerings to the snowcone god.
  • 1551 - French explorers with sensitive teeth die exploring Northern Africa after keeling over in pain from eating ice cream, leaving themselves open to attack by savage tribesmen who quickly behead them.
  • 1819 - Heinrich Maanschweisener creates a means to produce dots from ice cream; he is defenestrated later that year on the orders of Baron Rottweil von Friendly of the restaurant chain, who fears for his monopoly on frozen treats.
  • 1928 - Stalin re-invents ice cream and names it Stalin Cream. USSR rejoices but the American scum lose their underwear.
  • 1931 - The first ice cream stand is opened in Siberia and proves to be popular with polar bears who drop by to eat the employees.
  • 1949 - Bluebell ice cream gains its first customer and first fatality, continuing this tradition for many years.
  • 1960 - Vespugian president Manuel del Caracos, on a tour of America, drowns when he falls into a flash-freezer at the Pittsburgh Dippin' Dots factory.
  • 1979 - Ben and Jerry's "Popped Cherry" ice cream is a hit.
  • 1980 - Alexei Kalashnikov, proprietor of a meager Baskin Robbins parlor in Stalingrad, defects to the West and takes the secret recipe for Dippin' Dots with him.
  • 1981 - Brain freeze becomes a popular inherited and permanent condition with US presidents.
  • 1982 - Cookie Puss is arrested for stalking the Beastie Boys.
  • 1991 - Dunkin' Donuts loses a hedge-trimming contest to Dairy Queen.
  • 2007 - Coaticook brand ice cream hits shelves in Quebec, with catheter flavor proving to be popular.
  • 2009 - After a cat infestation in their factory, Ben & Jerry's introduces "Cat Pan Crunch" flavor.
  • 2085 - Dippin' Dots production headquarters are obliterated by an Iranian superweapon; Friendly's rejoices.

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  1. ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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