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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Bunsen burner

A Bunsen burner is a flamethrower that has been bent so the nozzle faces upward. It is noticeably lighter than a military flamethrower. Bunsen burners are primarily gas-powered, with the exception of the Tesla coil. Bunsen burners are the weapon of choice in high-school chemistry labs.

According to the historian Marty McFly, the predecessor to the modern Bunsen burner was invented by Jacques de Vaucanson, the inventor of good automatons. Vaucanson integrated it into many of his foldable automatons, making him the inventor of Transformers. It was spread throughout Europe and Asia through contamination. Eventually, word died out and the original designs were lost. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Woolly mammoth

The Woolly mammoth (a species of the genus Mammuthus) was a large shaggy beast that is a bit woollier than the Not-so-woolly Mammoth, and much woollier than the less common, Bald Mammoth, otherwise known as African and Indian elephants. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

December 21: Personal Hygiene Day

678 BCE - Sodomy discovered in Greece.
677 BCE - Death penalty instituted in Greece.
477 BCE - Stinky Greek hobo Socrates roams the streets of fudge-packing Athens, claiming he knows nothing. As a result, the goofy Greeks regard him as the greatest sage that ever lived.
322 BCE - Megalomaniac Alexander the Great outs himself. In a letter to Aristotle, he confesses that the smell of male toil "turns him on".
1500 - The Middle Ages officially end; Europeans can finally start taking care of their personal hygiene little by little.
1939 - Hitler invades France. After realizing he would never make them wash he turned toward Russia.
1967 - The interrobang is discovered. The horrible revelation drives its discoverer instantly insane.
1979 - Star Wars Episode XXXIV: The Rising of Darth Leia is released. George Lucas blames dirty, smelly theaters for the low turnout.
1982 - Sudan wins "Least Hygienic Country In The World Competition" for the first time. The African country has held the title ever since.
1984 - The first horseman of the apocalypse descends to herald the coming tribulations, but no one notices apart from Noel Fielding, a homeless alcoholic from Brighton, England.
2004 - Barry Scott surpasses Batman as the Queen of Clean with Clitoris Bang.
2005 - The Bermuda Triangle mysteriously disappears.
2006 - Personal hygiene is forced upon France by new EU ruling. The French promptly withdraw from the EU. All traces of the bathtub are destroyed and the French quickly return to smelling of bad cheese and garlic.