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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

May 12: Barry Manilow Appreciation Day, International Zombie Awareness Day (US, Canada)

1854 - Outbreak of zombie attacks, causes many deceased voters to form their own party. There was no beer and many people died.
1877 - Oscar Wilde pens his poem Sonnet to Liberty, advocating socialism and decrying many contemporary fashion trends.
1881 - In North Africa, Tunisia becomes a French protectorate, and thus enjoys its last noteworthy moment for nearly 100 years, until the filming of Star Wars there in 1977.
1943 - Barry Manilow is born. He will become a feral child raised by a biker gang.
1973 - Manilow forms KISS but leaves due to creative differences and makeup allergies.
1974 - Depressed mood ring commits suicide. (pictured)
1985 - The Book of the Dead is discovered by a 12-year-old child in London and sold for 3 baseball cards and a Jefferson Starship cassette tape.
1987 - The Book of the Dead is set to music by Barry Manilow; more mood rings commit suicide.
2003 - Pocahontas sells her memoir Hokey Pokey: Frolicking, Singing, and Doing a White Guy to Disney, which is subsequently made into a popular children's movie.
2004 - The zombie of Walter Cronkite rises from the ground to report on the Alabama Tri-County Kitten Pageant.
2009 - The late great Dr. Emmett Brown travels back in time to warn America of the future communist dick-tater El Presidente "Bha-rock Obomb-ba" or as we know him as, Presidenture Barack Obama. No one listens to him and our fate has been sealed.
2011 - Zompocalypse. Only the nerds were prepared as hordes of ~~Bieber Fans~~ zombies take over the meat factories.
2012 - Star Wars Kid rolls an 8. Zombies die (for real this time).