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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

April 25: National Morbid Obesity Appreciation Day

0 - The world's first April 25th is celebrated. Nostradamus predicts the world's first April 26th to occur a day later. He later predicts the birth of Jimbo Wales and the creation of Wikipedia, but no one believes him due to the idea of both being so stupid.
908 - A horde of plus-sized Vikings raid the east coast of Britain and set up a new IKEA store.
1301 - First known use of the phrase 'I don't give a shit' thought to have been said somewhere around London, England.
1607 - Dutch Commando Dykes led by Hans Solo destroy the anchored Spanish fleet.
1847 - The last survivors of the Donner Party are out of the wilderness. Shortly after, the first McDonners resturant opens. First item on the menu: McRibs.
1862 - The worlds first battery operated fork is created; two million die during its first use.
1915 - Australians invade Turkey, only to piss off next year.
1918 - Turks invade Australia, but stay permanently to drive taxis.
1950 - The Michelin Man is born.
1955 - The first McDonalds is opened.
1956 - Obesity is a recognized health problem.
1957 - Overweight Appreciation Day is upgraded to Morbid Obesity Appreciation Day, whilst Overweight Appreciation Day changes to 25th December.
1986 - First annual (and only) all-night Soviet Power Plant Workers' Tetris Competition is held.
1990 - Astronauts deploying the Hubble Space Telescope drop it on the way out the door, knocking it slightly out of focus.