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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

June 20: "Have A Nice Day" Day, Nice Day Appreciation Day (New Zealand), Just Another Day (Earth)

A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away: Darth Vader, The Emperor, Yoda and Luke Skywalker are ordered by the Imperial Senate to take acting lessons.
1782 - The U.S. Congress establishes the Great Seal of the United States. It is a California seal named Buster.
1801 - Buster is killed in a British terrorist attack on Brooklyn Zoo. Buster's daughter Bibi is named National Seal. Salmon stage protests in major cities.
1877 - Alexander Graham Bell installs the world's first telephone service so that he can build his phone sex empire – it would become very successful.
1883 - Oscar Wilde completes his play The Duchess of Paduan, which would later be converted into the Star Wars septology.
1893 - Lizzie Borden is acquitted for the murders of her father and stepmother, mostly due to the court allowing Borden to brandish an axe at the prosecution, judge, jurors, and small children in the audience.
1923 - The United States government interrupts 30 years of nothing happening on June 20 to wish everyone "a nice day."
1925 - The "Have A Nice Day" riots finally subside.
1926 - Indictments for "Have A Nice Day" riots quashed. Judge says "have a nice day". Riots resume, ending after martial law declared.
1927 - Everyone finally has a nice day on Have A Nice Day Riots Day Day. Only minor rioting happens, as people too confused by its name.
1959 - A rare hurricane strikes Canada's Gulf of St. Lawrence, destroying vast sasquatch habitat and postponing the National Curling Championships.
1963 - The United States and the Soviet Union establish the "red telephone" line so that the leaders of both nations can ask how each others' day was and generally make small talk, replacing the old method of communication between the two, threatening each other with nuclear war.
2289 - The British finally land on the moon. They discover that tea cannot be taken in 1/8 gravity, cancelling the mission amid a not so nice day.