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Today's featured article – Chess pieces

Chess is often thought of as a game for pretentious tossers, and for teenage nerds in need of a competitive pastime that doesn’t necessarily end with them being wedgied. But this image is outdated. These days the game is also played by boxers desperate to show that repeated brain trauma has not affected their intelligence.

Though some rules of the game have been adapted slowly over the millennia, the pieces have remained mostly unchanged and continue to move in much the same way as they did for intellectual wannabes in ancient India, friendless geeks in Sassanid Persia, and social inadequates in Moorish Spain.

When a game begins, each side starts with eight pawns (Australian English: Shrimps) - twelve short of a barbie. As the least valuable and most expendable member of your army, your pawns should be assigned a place in the front rank of the infantry. Do not waste body-armour or weapons on these grunts. Advanced players use terror and centuries of oppression to compel their pawns to advance unarmed and unarmoured across the open battlefield, even in the face of airborne attack from the Rooks. (more...)

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Previously featured article – John Mahama

John Dramani Mahama (born 29 November 1958) is the 12th and 14th President of Ghana, his current term having begun on 7 January 2025. Ghanaian voters were inspired by Donald Trump being both the 45th and 47th U.S. President and anxious to prove that Ghana could do it too. They were also ready for another go, having had four years to recover from Mahama's first Presidency. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

June 20: "Have A Nice Day" Day, Nice Day Appreciation Day (New Zealand), Just Another Day (Earth)

A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far Away: Darth Vader, The Emperor, Yoda and Luke Skywalker are ordered by the Imperial Senate to take acting lessons.
1782 - The U.S. Congress establishes the Great Seal of the United States. It is a California seal named Buster.
1801 - Buster is killed in a British terrorist attack on Brooklyn Zoo. Buster's daughter Bibi is named National Seal. Salmon stage protests in major cities.
1877 - Alexander Graham Bell installs the world's first telephone service so that he can build his phone sex empire – it would become very successful.
1883 - Oscar Wilde completes his play The Duchess of Paduan, which would later be converted into the Star Wars septology.
1893 - Lizzie Borden is acquitted for the murders of her father and stepmother, mostly due to the court allowing Borden to brandish an axe at the prosecution, judge, jurors, and small children in the audience.
1923 - The United States government interrupts 30 years of nothing happening on June 20 to wish everyone "a nice day."
1925 - The "Have A Nice Day" riots finally subside.
1926 - Indictments for "Have A Nice Day" riots quashed. Judge says "have a nice day". Riots resume, ending after martial law declared.
1927 - Everyone finally has a nice day on Have A Nice Day Riots Day Day. Only minor rioting happens, as people too confused by its name.
1959 - A rare hurricane strikes Canada's Gulf of St. Lawrence, destroying vast sasquatch habitat and postponing the National Curling Championships.
1963 - The United States and the Soviet Union establish the "red telephone" line so that the leaders of both nations can ask how each others' day was and generally make small talk, replacing the old method of communication between the two, threatening each other with nuclear war.
2289 - The British finally land on the moon. They discover that tea cannot be taken in 1/8 gravity, cancelling the mission amid a not so nice day.