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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

June 4: International Deserved Child Abuse Victim Day and International Celebrate Yesterday Day

1452 – Christopher Columbus is outvoted on naming the Santa Maria, The Shitbag.
1453 – Columbus sells children into sex slavery, starting an American tradition. It will ensure an unending supply of future mass murderers so that newsfeeds will have something to write about.
1776 – Thomas Jefferson asks for his first two-week extension on the Declaration of Independence.
1863 – Rain causes International Celebrate Yesterday Day to be put off until the next day; mass confusion results.
1900 – John Jefferson of Oak Ridge, PA awakes from forty-year sleep. He dies of asphyxiation inside his coffin.
1942 – The Battle of Midway begins with a surprise attack on Konami. (pictured)
1946 – The father of Donald Trump screams at his son on a regular basis, creating the president we know and love today.
1976 – Americans celebrate the bicentennial of Thomas Jefferson asking for his first two-week extension on the Declaration of Independence.
1980 – Every child abuse offender is released in Texas due to prison overcrowding and a decline in child abuse.
1989 – Many young people are gleefully beaten, killed, and abused in the Tiananmen Square massacre.
2006 – June 3rd, 2006 is celebrated despite it being International Celebrate Tomorrow Day.
2013 – Republicans and nostalgists yearn for the good old days of killer influenza and other fatal diseases, as well as incessant war; they prove not to be satisfied with just the latter today.