Babel:Zw

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Today's featured article – Windows XP

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Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600, Windows XD or Windows :P is a detestable operating system. It remains Microsoft's "best" system to date, being far superior to subsequent products according to most late adopters.[1] It had an innovative graphical user interface compared to the bloatware known as MS-DOS, while taking up only 40 gigs of disk space. Its file system interacted fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux, and it featured enhanced mouse support, although still lacking rat support.

If you caught a BSOD, you need to insert a quarter to continue. (In Britain, a pound coin will work, if you push hard.)

Production of XP began in 1998 and was completed in 2000. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and overall, an unmitigated pile of blue (or green) screens of death. (more...)

Previously featured article – Switzerland

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Switzerland is a mountainous region created in the early 13th century in order to contain gold and produce chocolate bars. From this point on, the insatiable Swiss desire for idyll building (idyllification) led to the creation of a nation remarkable for its efficient transport networks, orderly villages and synchronised repetitive yodelling. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

This is what happens when you don't have exact change for bridge tolls

March 15: Julius Caesar's Birthday, Ironic Birthday Day (Italy)

  • 35,000 BC - An unknown Homo sapiens pens Diary of a Caveman, a revealing look into caveman culture, fashion, and etiquette.
  • 52 BCE - Julius Caesar invites Gaulish leaders Vercingetorix and Asterix to his birthday party. It proves to be only a ruse to take them hostage and an excuse not to have to put out any cake or prizes.
  • 44 BCE - On his way to the theater, Julius Caesar is surprised with a birthday cake. In the rush to cut the cake, Caesar is accidentally stabbed 57 times. His dying words, 'Et tu, Brute?,' tell his friend Brutus that he can have 2 slices.
  • 1895 - Oscar Wilde is convicted of gross indecency and sentenced to two years hard labor. He beats charges of assault and battery using rapier wit but then is charged with carrying a concealed weapon.
  • 1952 - John Cage composes 4'33" and becomes widely known as 'that douche who didn't play any music'.
  • 1967 - The first computer game is introduced, when Grandmaster Lt. Chekov loses a game of chess to a large supercomputer.
  • 1981 - Altered Images release their song Happy Birthday providing a modern alternative to Happy Birthday to You and causing the death of thousands allergic to twee pop sung in a squeaky voice.
  • 2000 - The first Y2K doomsayers quietly come out of their caves and begin attempting to live normal lives; most fail and are ridiculed.
  • 2008 - Iggy Pop finally gets around to buying a shirt and promptly loses it.

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  1. ↑ Windows XP remains the overwhelming favorite of late adopters so hidebound as to also refuse to adopt the term "African American," though it seems we're onto something else now.
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