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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

April 9: Stereotype Dismissal Day (France), Croissant & Beret Day (France)

250 million BCE - Caveman get mad at funny people laugh at caveman. Caveman hit funny people shiny metal flying thing with club. Caveman go away in bright green flash. Funny people all die from eat poison ivy. Tourism go to shit.
801 - Emperor Charlemagne decrees that his people must wear stripey shirts and berets while riding a bicycle and carrying a baguette. Rioting ensues in Paris until a compromise is reached where a croissant would be carried while muttering insults about the English.
1812 - Pretentiousness makes its first appearance in Victorian England.
1832 - Captain Petey Widdershanks Blunderbub Shaleweather Monkeyturtle Johansen III obtains his first ship, and immediately sets sail in search of wenches and grog.
1865 - Confederate General Robert E. Lee surrenders himself to Union General Ulysses S. Grant. The two later wed in Vermont.
1877 - Oscar Wilde pens his play Salome: A Tragedy in One Act which describes his personal experience spilling milk on his favorite sweater.
1905 - The famous bacon and cheese sandwich is envisioned; its planning takes several months.
1940 - Germany invades Norway and Denmark. Sweden feels left out.
1967 - Status Quo plays their first show, at the University of London. Diptheria is involved.
2005 - Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles wed, thus squashing rumors that Parker Bowles is a man. Rumors about Prince Charles still abound.
2009 - You are reading this anniversaries entry, about to move on to the next one.