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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

April 14: Miraculous Discovery Day

13 CE - Repairs begin after the worst Friday the 13th ever.
1215 - The Magna Carta is signed, giving the Red Baron the right to bake pizza on his warplane.
1492 - Just 5 days out to sea, Columbus discovers more water.
1654 - On this Sunday, by a freak coincidence, no-one turned up to church at all, anywhere. Excuses cited include "washing cart" and "wife pregnant".
1897 - A commuter is canonized for the miracle of having exact change and the miracle of not missing her stop and asking the conductor to back up the train.
1947 - The Miracle on 34th Street occurs when a non-New Yorker holds a door open for someone else. Little did he know that with constant traffic, he would be standing in the same spot for 65 hours.
1949 - All of China is astounded when superhero Chairman brings folding chairs to all Politburo meetings.
1967 - Yoko Ono forms her renegade militant group The Plastic Renegades with the objective of destroying all good music in the universe.
1973 - Cowboy singer Slim Whitman finally sells a record to someone not a member of his family.
1987 - Miracle Whip is deemed "less than miraculous" by the FDA. (pictured)
2002 - Hundreds of Korean children die when they are bussed to the wrong venue instead of being taken to the Youth in Asia Conference in Seoul.
2008 - Somebody was wrong *gasp!* on the internet.