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The Article Which Makes the Present Feature

Today's featured article – Arthur Currie

General Sir Arthur William Currie, GCMB, KCB, KGB, was a Canadian Senior officer during World War I. A prolific commander of the Canadian Expeditionary Force, Currie is among the finest Western front commanders in the war and one of the greatest Canadian officers. However, he is more internationally renowned for his world-class embezzlement; also for his hyper-sensitivity regarding his public image.

Currie was born on December 5, 1875 in the tiny hamlet of Napperton, Ontario. Currie's last name was originally Curry, but, once he got out of "nappers" in 1897, he changed the spelling to avoid being mistaken for either his rival Arthur Curry (the reader knows him as Aquaman) or the popular Indian dish of the same name.

Currie had planned to pursue law or medicine but the convenient death of his father when Currie was 15 made this financially moronic. Currie then pursued teaching; joining the Canada Militia in 1897 was merely a part-time side-hustle. When the poor wages gained from the painful job of educating the devilish spawn of Canada became apparent, Currie stoped dilly-dallying and gave into his destiny as a full-time military man. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Star Trek

Star Trek was a government-mandated Pavlovian conditioning method to keep left-wing radicals and other kooks locked in their homes, staring at an electron gun with glass in front of it. (more...)

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Designated commemoration day

June 1: International Steroids Appreciation Day

72 BCE – Moses takes steroids; parts the Red Sea.
1869 – Thomas Edison receives a patent for his electric voting machine and makes millions selling the machines to Florida Republicans.
1960 – New Zealand's first official television broadcast commences at 7:30 PM from Auckland. Ratings are low due to Kiwis not understanding how pictures and sounds can come from a box.
1964 – Barry Bonds is born.
1988 - Steve Urkel becomes the third president of Zimbabwe only to be overthrown by every person in Africa.
1989 - With the fall of the Berlin Wall the people of Germany rejoice only to later be killed by the future president of the United States Arnold Presidentator, when he begins filming his final film, Plan 9 from Mr. President.
1992 - This marks the start of the "Nukes Means Goals" campaign, when the Southport FC manager stores nuclear weapons in his team's changing room and threatens to detonate them if they lose.
1992 – Bud Selig brand steroids hit the shelves.
1998 – Chuck Norris announces to press: "I never took steroids"
1999 – Steroids announces to press: "I took Chuck Norris."
2010 – One out of every three baseball players is suspected of abusing steroids. The other two-thirds claim to use steroids responsibly.
2012 - Cyclist Lance Armstrong freely admits to using steroids, EPO and gratuitous Wheaties consumption, proving that steroids affect the brain.