Witch hats

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“Which hat?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Witch hats

“In Soviet Russia, Witch hats wear YOU!!!”

~ Soviet Russian on Witch hats
"Man am I horny..."

Witch Hats, or the hats that witches wear, actually have a great history among the people that know about them. Fortunately, for you, I know about them. All about them. And Soon, you will also.

The making[edit]

Although you may not know about it, these hats have a very long history. Created in 2000 BC by a man named Edmund Witchhat, these hats give witches most of their magical abilities. This is because of how they were made. Before you continue, remember, Edmund was a sick man and this is not for the squeamish. The lining of the hat, on the inside, is made of suffering baby orphan seal skin, and the wicked seal flesh material is dunked in the rotting blood of innocent children. All hats were constructed on desecrated indian burial grounds.

The history[edit]

When Edmund found that these hats gave witches their powers he started to sell them. But eventually, because of the government, that was just starting to form; they started to arrest and/or brutally beat anyone selling the hats. So, before he got caught, Witchhat ran off and stared the black market So, now selling witch hats underground, had went into hiding, and eventually died, on the toilet, then shot about fifteen times, in 1991BC. But just because the creator was dead, did not mean that the hats would disappear. About 2 years later, a group of witch radicalists rose from hiding and started a rebellion against the new government. But no one ever really found out about it, the government cover up skill was extremely progressed for their time. The radicalist group did many things to anger the government, though.

An end for witches? Not Necessarily.[edit]

They stared a cult to worship the Devil, and the Mayan god Amen Ra. They used this an excuse to do things like: continuing to sell and make pointy black hats, kill government agents, eat human babies, puppies and kittens on the night before Halloween, and other things like that. This kind of thing went on for nearly 1000 years until the government found a way to easily kill the witches, and almost all of the witches died. The few survivors went into extremely isolated hiding. Some traces of the witches have been claimed to be seen in Wiscosin, Idaho,and Oregon, but the people that made the claims were immediately kidnapped and interrogated by the government, then never seen again. An end for witches? Maybe. but some say, that if you close your head in the toilet on Halloween, you will smell shit, just like any other day.

And thats where babies come from.