The Mooninites
“Alright, when I say your name, you say here. And we will assume 'here' is short for "Here I am, rock you like a hurricane."”
“Do as The Scorpions have before you!”
Seeing as how you couldn't possibly understand us or our views because you lack the intelligence to make an intelligent decision, we are forced to tell you that The Mooninites are a powerful force to be dealt with in the universe, seeing as how we could destroy each of you with our pinkies in the air chanting curses in your direction.
Yeah, so u better respect us, boi, or we'll shove those pinkies up your ass! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Indeed, Err. Anyway, since your beliefs about who we are have probably been slanted by those despicable characters known as the Aqua Teen Hunger Force, we must tell you our story.
So listen for the truth, brother!
That's right: the truth.
A history of us for your pathetic human history[edit]
We are the galactic overlords of the planet known as the moon...and don't listen to those so-called "scientists" who tell you that the moon isn't a planet because believe me: it is. It just circles the pathetic planet you call Earth because we're biding our time when we're going to attack by slamming the full force of the moon into the earth, smashing it into a million pieces.
That's the reason for the circling, got it?
Thank you, Err. We are, as I have said before but must constantly repeat because you humans have the memory span of a bowl of grapes, the galactic overlords of the moon, and when we become bored with ruling over the population on the moon, we come to your pathetic planet to amuse ourselves by robbing and plundering from your weak, lousy convenience stores and shopping centers, taking food for nourishment and pornography to sodomize our vast imaginations. While embarking on these activities, we usually recruit an incompetent being to do our bidding, because while it is fun to simply steal and plunder, it is even MORE fun to steal and plunder by manipulating a complete moron to steal and plunder for you.
Man, these people on earth are stupid.
Indeed, Err.
I mean...there's stupid people on...like, other planets and stuff, but you guys...you're really dumb.
That they are. However, every time we come down to simply enjoy ourselves and plunder for the sake of plundering by plundering to enjoy ourselves, we constantly have to encounter a group of buzzkills known as the Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Man, they're a bunch of ^&*%^%@ jerks, not letting us have any fun and stuff!
Exactly, Err, and that's why they've decided to stop us from having fun each time we have descended to the Earth. We tried to recruit Meatwad into our group to engage in illegal activities for our own benefits, but Frylock decided to be a complete stick in the mud and tried to chase us off with his laser eyes. He would tell you that he succeeded, but we were merely flying away in our superior spacecraft as part of a carefully-crafted plan to return later and make life a living hell for them, though we did take time to give them...the finger.
Man, we gave it to them good.
That we did, Err. We did also give it to them...good when we returned and proceeded to win the Foreigner belt, granting us the superpowers of eighties supergroup...Foreigner. Our vastly superior minds easily read through the instruction manual and proceeded to make fools out of the people of earth, making them look like the bitches they are.
Yeah! They bent over and took it good!
And then those Aqua Teens proceeded to attempt to kick our butts again, but we were too good and escaped, again as part of our grand plan.
...actually, I thought they used the belt on us and made us too warm.
Quiet, Err...they weren't supposed to know that. Anyway, we have had to deal with complete stupidity in parts of our plan, like the complete idiots whom we recruited for the supergroup of villains called "Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday," a completely stupid and idiotic name to be sure.
I still say it was a good name, man...I thought it was SWEEEET...
I said be quiet, Err. Actually, I grow bored discussing this matter with you pathetic humans, for knowing your lack of intelligence, you will become obsessed with some stupid video game immediately after this discussion, rendering it useless because you will have forgotten the discussion about this discussion ever took place. We are returning to the moon to further plan your annihilation and to aggravate my crazy uncle, who hasn't been "right" since the lunar wars.
Man, he's great to annoy. He's crazy as shit, man.
That he is, Err. We now bid adieu and await the next time we meet, although the next time you will be bowing to us and calling us your masters, for we are the almighty and shall not be trifled with.
We are gods, man! Total gods!
Indeed, Err.
| ||||||||||||||||||||
|
Article written in the style of its subject This article is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are the type who needed this explained to you. If you still do not find the article funny, that is surely because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. The authors sincerely hope that you will pick up your game and laugh without prompting in the future. |